Page 24 of Love at First Sight

‘Well, let me preface this with how old I feel trying to explain this. I see Gen Z, out there making their TikToks, being whatever they want to be and sexuality doesn’t seem like a major issue to them. Anything goes. And I want to be like that, but being just that little bit older, I don’t know …’

‘Do you wish it was easier?’

India scrunches up her face. ‘Yes,’ she says. ‘Because it feels as though I’m the worst kind of bi-curious girl out there, like I’m using these women to figure out what I want, and in doing so, wasting their time. Because to be honest, as cute as this girl was last night, I think I might have fancied our waiter more – as in ourmalewaiter. And that is so bad, Jessie. Like, such a no-no. Not only am I wasting the time of these women, I’m also setting gay rights back by trying it all on for size and then deciding thatjust kidding! I’m straight!I’m undermining every single person who has ever come out, when they’ve been told by their parents or whatever that it’s a phase. But maybe … I have had a phase?’

‘Noooo,’ I say. ‘Not a phase. You just said it yourself, you’re bi-curious. And if your curiosity has been sated,nobody can say fairer than that. Do these women know you’re bi-curious?’

‘Yes,’ India replies, definitively. ‘I make it very, very clear. Some women have said to circle back once I’ve figured it out, and some have ghosted me …’

‘But either way, everyone you’ve gone out with has known your situation?’

‘Yes,’ says India. ‘They have.’

‘Then you’ve done all you can!’ I say. ‘Surely! You’re just one person. You’re not responsible for a whole human rights movement. You can only do what is right for you …’

India slurps at her latte.

‘It just doesn’t feel good,’ she decides. ‘If that makes sense.’

‘Perfect sense.’ I nudge my shoulder into hers good-naturedly. ‘You’re my hero, you know,’ I add, and she looks at me likeyeah, right. ‘You are!’ I insist. ‘What people forget when they’re coupled up is how hard it is to keep your courage in the land of dating. And you do it – you keep putting yourself out there and figuring out what you want, even if it batters you a bit, leaves you bruised. Finding love is brave. Seeking it out, even more so.’

‘I think you need to remind yourself of that, too,’ India says, kindly. I accept her point.

‘Touché, my friend,’ I say. ‘Touché.’

I have all these thoughts swirling in my head as I walk home, about how India truly does inspire me. It stings, what happened with Cal, and I feel embarrassed andstupid. But at least I followed my heart, and opened myself up to an opportunity just by hanging out with him that day. It didn’t work out how I wanted, but who wins if I swear off men forever? Because Cal certainly doesn’t give a damn.

No.

Ihaveto keep the faith, and if life is just one big plot twist, if India and I have managed to have as much fun as we have so far because we do it for the story … Well. That’s not so bad. Even if it doesn’t work out, I will have lived. The only safe bet would be to sit at home and never see or do anything. And what a waste that would be.

As I continue to reflect on the situation with Cal, I end up wandering down Church Street. If you asked me outright if I was doing it to see if Leo was in the butcher’s today, I wouldn’t admit it out loud. But, as it happens, when I walk past the shop, Leo must sense me and he looks up, a massive smile spreading across his face. He immediately beckons me inside.

‘Here comes trouble,’ he says.

‘All good stories start with a bit of trouble,’ I bat back, and he bites down on his lip and nods. VeryI’ll say.

‘Have your ears been burning?’ he says, leaning on his counter. Nobody else is in; it’s just me and him.

‘Should they have been?’

‘Your dad came by before,’ he says, and my stomach instantly flip-flops. Oh Dad, what did you do …? First telling India, and now coming in to talk to Leo directly?

‘Steak night again?’ I ask.

‘Couple of pork chops and some smoked bacon, actually. Plus an invitation to his engagement party tomorrow.’

Dad asked Leo to his engagement party? What?!

My face must do a thing, because Leo starts to laugh.

‘He said you’d love to see me there,’ Leo presses. ‘Which obviously got me to say yes. Even if it’s not true yet, I figured, maybe it could be? If I told you I’m really very good fun at parties?’

I cannot believe my father. It’s one thing to encourage me to recognise Leo’s flirting, but quite another to engineer a quasi-date.

‘How fun is fun?’ I ask, arching an eyebrow and desperately trying to keep my cool.

‘Hold-on-to-your-knickers fun,’ Leo retorts, and I feel myself blush.

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