Page 34 of Love at First Sight

Cal cocks his head, waiting for the favour about to be requested from him.

‘I’m sure you don’t want to be waiting around while I take this call, so why don’t you go to school too? That way you can spend some time with Henry, but it won’t be as intense as one-on-one. Jessie, that’s okay, isn’t it?’

I don’t know why Ali asks that as a question, when it is clearly a command.

‘Well, this has beenmarveloso,’ Leo says, patting his stomach. ‘But I should get back to the shop. I’ll get the bill on the way out – my treat for letting us gatecrash your brunch. Jessie – talk soon?’

I stand up as Leo does, accepting the kiss to my cheek.

‘Thank you again for last night,’ I say. He winks at me.

‘Laters,’ he says and, while he’s barely out of earshot, Ali says, covering the mouthpiece of her phone, ‘Nowheis cute, Jessie. Yes, queen!’

13

Cal and I stand on the pavement in the sunlight on our respective interrupted Saturdays, and I point across the road to the bus stop and say, ‘We can get the 141.’

We cross the road in heavy silence, and whilst we wait Cal finally says, ‘I know this is weird.’

My eyebrows knit together. ‘Weird?’ I repeat. I wave a hand. ‘Don’t worry about it. I’m not. Let’s just get this over with.’

The bus approaches and I put my arm out to signal that we want it to stop. Cal follows me as I tap my phone to pay and climb the steps to the top deck. There’s only one double seat available, and we both say at exactly the same time: ‘After you.’

I slide into the window side and Cal sits down next to me. Then, because I can’t hold it in any longer, I say, ‘Look. I have to ask. What happened that Sunday—’

‘I know,’ Cal says, before I can finish.

‘What do you know?’ I press.

‘That I’ve made a mess of everything,’ he says, and I scoff.

‘I don’t feel sorry for you,’ I tell him.

‘That’s not what I mean,’ he counters, voice small.

‘Then what do you mean?’

It’s interesting, having to keep our volume down on a busy bus. We’re almost hissing at one another, talking through lips that barely move.

‘I don’t want you to think that the day we spent together didn’t mean anything …’ Cal whispers. ‘And I don’t want you to think I’m some arsehole who goes around asking women in fire safety breaches if they want to spend the day together. Because I’m not. And I don’t want you to think I’m not a respectful man, because I am, all evidence to the contrary. It’s just …’ He closes his eyes and lets out a big breath. ‘Have you ever ordered the spaghetti, and then you see someone with the burger and you think,Damn, that looks good too?’

‘I don’t think this is making the point you want it to make,’ I say, scowling. ‘I’m a burger?’

‘No! God, I’m messing this up again. I like Ali. I do. She’s mad and crazy and lives this whole other type of life to me, and after my last relationship, where it was all so serious in the end, being with Ali is, like, this huge relief, you know? It was raining and miserable and really hard for a good couple of years, and then I met Ali and the sun came out.’

‘Good for you,’ I say, and I sound petulant.

‘But that day with you, it was like … autumn.’

I roll my eyes. ‘Your analogies are properly shit.’

‘Autumn is good,’ Cal insists. ‘Everyone thinks the height of summer is the best bit of life, but anyone can have fun in the sun if they try hard enough. Autumn iscosy, and reflective, and you have to make the most of the warmer days and hunker down on the colder ones. You have to really like the person you’re with in autumn, because winter can be long. And … yeah, okay, this metaphor probably needs a lot of work, you’re right, but it’s really important to me that you get it: I really did feel something that day, Jessie, and I didn’t mean to mislead anyone, or anything like that. And I could be really disingenuous and say technically nothing happened, but I probably would have kissed you, when we were dancing. If Naomi hadn’t been on that wall, with everything that happened, I would have done it. I would have kissed you.’

‘Well. I’m glad you didn’t,’ I say. ‘Men who cheat are cowards. I’m glad you didn’t kiss me. Ours is the next stop.’

Cal goes quiet, digesting what I’ve said.

‘Also,’ I add, because I can’t not. ‘You said that you were going to break up with Ali, and you evidently haven’t, so … that’s double cowardice.’

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