Page 36 of Love at First Sight

‘More than that now,’ Cal says. ‘Once you send this in.’

I nod. ‘I suppose I should say thank you for the nudge.’

‘I suppose you should …’ Cal replies, but he’s joking, trying to be cute.

‘Don’t spoil it,’ I shoot back. ‘I was just starting to think of accepting your apology.’

He pretends to buck up, zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the imaginary key.

‘Much better,’ I say, and he sticks his tongue out at me. We sit in a weird version of companionable silence, listening to the dim chatter of the schoolkids on the other side of the gates, until Cal’s phone rings.

‘Ali!’ he says when he picks up. ‘Shit, sorry – we should have texted. He’s gone into craft club. We’re literally sat on the steps outside school waiting for him.’ Cal pulls the phone away from his ear to look at the time and then says, ‘We’ll be back by half past. He’s out in a minute. Yeah, just talking. Yeah, she is.’ He looks at me when he says this, and it makes me feel self-conscious. ‘Okay,’ he says. ‘Bye.’

‘Just wondering where we were,’ he says, and I nod. Then, before I can say it, he reads my mind and adds,‘And no, I won’t tell her about the form. It’s none of my business.’

I nod again, satisfied, and can feel something growing in the middle of my chest, something I cannot name, and nor do I wish to.

‘Okay. Thanks,’ I say. Then: ‘So you’re not breaking up with her?’ I shouldn’t ask, but I need to know.

Cal sighs. ‘I am,’ he says. ‘I will.’

I remind myself that it is nothing to do with me, even as I find myself pleased to hear him say it.

I am a horrible person.

14

‘Well,’ India says as she helps me pack. ‘I have to say, I am Team Leo. I think you need to park the Cal thing. I don’t trust him. I know I don’t really know much about love myself, but I’m absolutely certain you deserve more than he’s given you. It creeps me out that he said he was going to break up with Ali and then didn’t. Whatever he says, the man obviously isn’t true to his word. I’ll bet he doesn’t end it, you know.’

‘I know, I know,’ I say. ‘I never said Ilikedhaving my heart skip a beat for Cal. Only that it continues to do so.’

‘Hmmm.’

I’m about to spend two weeks at Ali’s house, as she’s going to be away filming in the Cotswolds and, let’s be honest, her underfloor heating and walk-in steam shower beat my bedsit, hands down. Obviously Henry’s at school in the day, so I can always come back home if I forget anything or need extras, but I’m trying to pack as if I won’t come home, otherwise I’m just going to waste time schlepping back here daily when I really want to use this time as a mini-holiday, strange as that sounds when I’m working. But Henry is so brilliant, and we’ve got a fun-budget, too – money Ali has given me to treat him – and I findmyself very much looking forward to two weeks of nice furnishings with a nice kid, eating nice food and doing nice things.

I will say, with Ali away for two weeks, that’s two weeks of definitely not bumping into Cal, who I hate to admit I’ve been thinking about. Maybe I won’t get the financing from the council, but that he believes in my idea enough to push me is frustratingly nice, and I can squash down what I think about his blue eyes and lovely hands as much as I want, but it is still there. Just a little bit. Better to keep my distance as much as possible, for everyone’s sake.

Leo texted a few days after the impromptu brunch, with a simpledrink, soon?I said yes, but didn’t confirm anything because …

‘Because you’re an idiot who is self-sabotaging,’ says India.

‘Thanks for the vote of confidence,’ I reply.

She helps me pull my suitcase up the few steps from my basement front door to the pavement, and watches as I go back down to double-check the door is locked. Ali got me this suitcase for Christmas one year. It’s a fancy silver thing India says is the ultimate ‘stealth wealth’ status symbol, but I like it because it’s so easy to manoeuvre. Even down the cobbled Stoke Newington streets, it glides like a (noisy, still) charm.

‘Give Lola my regards,’ I tell India, as we say goodbye. Things have been going well forherlove life, at least. She’s on date five, now, with a girl she met in line for coffee. Imagine! All these people meeting people at restaurantsand cafés and then seeing each other every night! I almost don’t believe it!

Ali is expecting me, but just in case she’s reading lines or on the phone I don’t ring the bell. I use my key to let myself in, slip off my shoes, and see I’ve got enough time to unpack, if I’m quick, before she leaves. So I hoist my stealth-wealth suitcase upstairs to where I’ll be staying on the second floor.

Except, on the landing of the first floor, Thom turns the corner, out of Ali’s room, and I scream.

‘Jesus!’ I yell. ‘Oh my god, sorry, shit, Thom! You scared me!’

Thom looks hot and flustered, and at first I think he’s mad at me. But then his movements are so quick, so shifty, that I think it must be something else.

‘Oh!’

It’s Ali, stood at her bedroom door, and as our eyes lock she colours, rubbing her neck in a manner that appears overly relaxed – as in, she’s trying to calm herself, trying to act totally normal when she’s not.

---