Page 57 of Love at First Sight

‘It’s not like that, Ali. Come on …’

I can’t stand her eyes on me. I look to the floor. I’m worried she’ll know what’s really in my heart, the thoughts I’ve been having about Cal – even though he doesn’t deserve them. Not really. But you can’t dissuade a heart.

‘Cal?’ Ali says. ‘I think we’re done here. It’s been fun, but this was never going to work long-term, was it?’

I don’t understand what’s going on. What did she just say?

‘I can just get the train in the morning …’ I say, holding up my hands in surrender. ‘I’m so sorry to have caused all this bother. It’s fine, really.’

‘No,’ Cal says, firmly. ‘It’s not. Ali, you’re being unreasonable.’

Ali seems the calmest out of all of us – but then, I suppose it’s easier to stay calm when you’re the one with all the power.

‘Cal, I’ll have somebody send you anything you’ve left at the house. If you wouldn’t mind waiting in the car whilst I have a word with Jessie, thanks.’

I look to Cal, who is the personification of dumbfounded. ‘Seriously?’ he says, voice cold.

‘Yah,’ Ali says, like he’s nothing, like she doesn’t care, like she wasn’t thinking of proposing to him this weekend. This is unbelievable.

Cal lets out a shocked laugh, shakes his head and then turns to me. ‘I’ll wait for you outside, then, I guess.’

I nod, not daring to speak. If she can so easily get rid of the boyfriend she was willing to marry two days ago, what is she going to do with me? A rush of cold floods my body.

‘Jessie,’ Ali says, once the door is closed. ‘Let’s sit.’

I hold my breath as we organise ourselves around a small kitchen table, a vase of cow parsley and soft lilacs between us. Ali’s demeanour has changed – she’s not hard with me, she’s being overtly soft, gentle, her voice modified to sound maternal and warm.

‘I’m not going to get cross with you,’ she says, and her smile feels sinister, almost. This is very, very weird. ‘But Ido want to be very clear. It’s Cal, or it’s us. Me and Henry. That’s it. That’s the choice.’

‘What?’ I say. ‘What do you mean?’

I cannot believe she has read me so clearly, that I am the kind of woman who would let herself fall for her boss’s – herfriend’s– boyfriend.

‘I don’t know if something has already happened, or if you both simplywantsomething to happen, but I am nobody’s fool. You and I have known each other for a very long time, so I’m giving you the courtesy of letting you know where I stand. It’s up to you what you choose.’

‘Ali, I don’t know what you mean.’

She holds up a hand. ‘Please don’t,’ she insists. ‘You’ll only embarrass yourself. It’s as clear as day between you. Right from when he first came to the house, I’ve known there’s been something there. I was perhaps too gracious in trying to ignore it, but I see he’s made his choice.’ She gets up to take a glass out of a cupboard, calmly fills it with water from the tap. ‘Go to your father,’ she says. ‘He’s a good man, and you’re a good daughter. As for Cal, let me know what you decide.’

I am totally stunned. ‘How could you threaten to fire me if I’m family?’ I ask, and Ali simply shrugs.

‘Exactly,’ she says. ‘You’re family. So really, there’s no choice at all. Is there?’

22

Cal and I don’t really talk on the way back to London. I don’t tell him what Ali said to me, and he doesn’t ask. We keep the music low and the speed high. I sting, like I’ve been slapped and now the skin is tender to the touch. I don’t understand what Ali thinks she knows. I mean, obviously Cal and I get on, obviously we had a spark back on the day we met, but it’s not like she knows that my mystery man was actually Cal. I’ve respected the boundaries and done my best to move on. Mostly, anyway. I don’t understand what made her act this way. Surely it wasn’t just being contradicted by Cal, that she couldn’t stand him defending me. That’s such a small thing, in the grand scheme …

I fall asleep at some point, and start when Cal wakes me, gently touching my arm. We’ve stopped at the Tesco near Newington Green.

‘Oh my god,’ I say, coming to. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to nod off.’

‘It’s okay,’ he tells me. He smiles uncertainly, as if he’s not sure if that’s against the rules. My eyes roam his handsome, beautiful face, and I think,How could Ali discard this wonderful man so easily? She’s crazy. ‘I just didn’t know where to go, now,’ he says. ‘Where your dad lives?’

‘Oh,’ I say. ‘Yeah. Take this left, and then the second left after that.’

I rifle in my bag for a mint, look in the mirror and wipe the mascara from under my eyes. It’s 1 a.m. I wonder if Dad is even still up. I text him:I’m here xx

Cal cuts the engine as he pulls up by the house.

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