Page 63 of Love at First Sight

I can’t stop thinking about it and I keep looking at photos of it on my phone for a long time after we leave, having said to Leo for the millionth time: ‘Wow. Just … wow!’ I can’t believe he’d do so much for me, for Stray Kids. He might be a player, but he’s also a man who shows up for things, and I can’t fault him for that. I keep texting him, on the hour every hour, with a simpleno, seriously, thanks, or variations thereof, to the point where he stops texting me back and it’s just a wall of blue messages on my phone, all from me to him, until eventually he messages back:Jessie. Enough. I’d do anything for you xx.

Two days later and I’m walking to Ali’s to pick up a few bits I accidentally left behind. Henry and Ali were driven home by one of the production staff this morning and he then went straight off to a playdate. I think Ali is staying at the house for one night, before going back to set tomorrow. There’s been no mention of what happened on Friday – in fact, we haven’t spoken at all, except for confirming logistical plans. It’s unnerving, but I roll with it because I don’t want another confrontation. I just hope and pray that when I bring her to see the Stray Kids site, she finally understands my vision and gives me her blessing to run the companyandlook after Henry.

I pull out my phone and scroll through my to-do list for Stray Kids, to reassure myself that it’s all in hand, thatwe’re making great progress and the launch will be perfect. All the marketing materials say ‘COMING THIS SUMMER’ with no exact date, and ideally we’d have locked parents in for summer holiday childcare already, but I have to see the positives in this approach. That with only a few days’ lead-in we’ll catch families at a loose end who can be happily surprised by the experience Stray Kids will provide. I don’t need a big bang of an opener, just an opener at all. The council money will keep us going if we operate at a loss initially, as we build our name. But – I’m doing this! I’m really, actually, finally doing this!

I’m so busy flicking through apps and lists when I let myself into Ali’s that I don’t realise anyone is home. It’s not until I open the door off the hallway that I see Thom’s bare arse as he’s bent over Ali, who is on all fours on the stairs with her skirt flipped up around her waist, making the sorts of noises I personally reserve for an exceptional sticky toffee pudding with cream.

‘Jesus!’ I say, shocked, stepping back through the door as quickly as I can. But the door has creaked halfway closed behind me, so I don’t step back into clear space, and instead hit the length of my back against the edge of the semi-closed door, the handle jutting painfully into my hip. ‘Ouch!’ I squeal, trying to avert my eyes – but not quick enough to miss making eye contact with Ali, who has turned around from her naked yoga move in time to spot me gawping, and starts squealing herself.

‘Yeah!’ Thom moans, thinking it’s a noise of encouragement.

‘Thom!’ Ali yells, pushing him off and yanking down her skirt. ‘Fuck’s sake!’

I sort out the door and escape back into the safety of the hallway, trying to unpick what I’ve just seen. I’m panting, my face is hot. Ali has certainly forgotten about Cal quickly. But then, on reflection, with Thom being around at odd times lately … The penny drops so hard I hear it make a noise. I’d put money on this not being the first time they’ve rekindled their old flame.

‘Jessie,’ Ali says, flinging open the hallway door just in time for me to see Thom tucking his penis into his pants, with all the gentleness of settling a sleeping baby.

‘Oh, for god’s sake,’ I say, covering my eyes. I flee to the kitchen.

‘It’s not what it looks like,’ Ali says, following me.

‘Well,’ Thom counters, appearing behind her. ‘It sort of is, babe.’

‘Don’t call me babe,babe,’ Ali tells him, shooting him the kind of look that could flatten a bus stop. It throws me for a loop – surely two people who have just been making love or whatever would talk to each other nicely?

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’ Thom says. ‘You’re not better than me, Ali. I know you think all this is above you, but it takes two to tango, doesn’t it? Andyoucame afterme.’

‘Bullshit!’ Ali says, screwing up her face, disgusted. ‘Thom, don’t even. Why don’t you go back to your littlegirlfriend …’

‘Fiancée, actually,’ Thom says, and they’re arguing like I’m not there. I thought she’d be out with her agent.

Back when Ali and Thom were together, they never fought in front of me, never treated me like I was invisible like they’re doing now. If they argued, they did it behind closed doors in their bedroom, in hushed angry whispers, whilst I tried not to eavesdrop as I made Henry’s supper. This staggering lack of decorum is new.

‘And it’s not like you’ve not got a wee little boyfriend of your own, is it? So see – we’re the same. And you love it. Youlovethe sneaking around, the naughtiness of it.’

I can’t listen to this. Has Ali been cheating on Cal? I think back to seeing Thom at the house before she left for the Cotswolds, upstairs. Why would somebody’s ex-husband be upstairs in their house? Not that it’s any of my business … except it is, because if Ali has been cheating on Cal, but won’t letmeand Cal try to see if there’s something between us … that’s so unfair. And yet, she’s my boss. So what can I do? At least Ali isn’t using Cal any more. I might not be able to be with him, but I want him to be happy. Anyway, I shouldn’t be here, bearing witness to this. I wait for a pause in Ali and Thom’s bickering, hiding at the far side of the kitchen island as they lob insults and hurtful comments at each other.

A pause is not going to come.

I don’t think either of them notice as I back out of the kitchen to the hallway, slipping out of the front door. I take a beat to lean my back against it, the cool metal ofthe knocker resting against my hot and sticky neck. I feel a range of emotions, none of which are especially good. Confused, grossed out, frustrated, lied to …

I let the sun kiss my skin, my eyes closed and face upturned. My thoughts are scrambled, but breathing fresh air and noticing how beautiful a day it is helps calm me, root me. There’s a bench at the park across the way, so I cross the road to go and sit down. I pull out my phone to check the time, and notice unread emails on the Stray Kids account. The council have finally emailed, I assume to tell me I’ve passed the Health and Safety assessment and to wish me luck. I read it twice before understanding they’re actually saying the opposite.

We’re sorry to inform you that there are missing elements to your Health and Safety briefing. As such, your current status is FAIL. To get reassessed, please follow the steps below …

I don’t understand. Cal said it was all basically a shoo-in, all good to go in everything but name. Why is it suddenly a fail? Nothing has changed between then and now, except …

No.

He wouldn’t.

… would he?

The only thing that’s different now is that before the weekend he and I were friendly, and now I’ve told him it can’t go any further.

But he can’tblameme for that. Surely not. I’d have thought he’d be way above punishing a woman for daring to say she’s not interested. Unless he’s failed me so that Ihave to see him again to organise another review. I suppose that’s a possibility. Well, if that’s what the little fucker wants, that’s exactly what he’ll get. I google where the office for Hackney Council is, and flag down a taxi to take me straight there. I’ve got time before Henry is done at his playdate. I’m sick of people thinking they can manipulate me, control me. This ends now.

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