Page 69 of Love at First Sight

I don’t understand. He was doing so well the last time I saw him. And today he … smells. ‘Dad, have you showered today?’ I ask. ‘No judgement, but …’

‘Oh, for god’s sake,’ he mutters. ‘No, okay? No. I haven’t. I couldn’t be arsed. It’s all been a bit …’

And he looks so lost and forlorn, so much like a man who wishes he was doing better than this, that I throw my arms around him and say, ‘It’s okay, Dad. I get it. I don’t mean to sound bossy. You just worried me, then, for a moment. I thought you were bloody dead!’

‘No, no,’ he says. ‘Just a bit of the old depression tugging on my jacket sleeve. I thought I’d cracked it, but that feeling only lasted a few days. Now it all just seems so …’

‘I get it,’ I say. ‘Being alone can be hard.’

He looks at me, nods.

‘Yeah.’

‘Go shower. Let me help you clean up a bit, okay? And then we’ll eat, and drink coffee, and talk. Sound good?’

Dad agrees that it does, and I set to work opening the back doors, all the windows, pulling on rubber gloves to tackle the washing-up and take out the dirty containers from what looks like Indian, Thai and Chinese. The place is better in no time, so that when Dad is back downstairs, clean-shaven and wet-haired and barefoot, the whole place has done a one-eighty.

‘I don’t deserve you,’ he says, coming to ruffle my hair and kiss my temple.

‘Of course you do,’ I say. ‘I feel bad I’ve not been around more. I’m sorry. I should have checked on you. A break-up is hard, a broken engagement even harder. We’re family.Actualfamily.’

‘Is there any other kind? Than actual family? Is there fake family?’

‘Kind of,’ I say. ‘Like Henry is to me, though Ali sacked me. Or I quit.’

‘Oh,’ Dad says, and out of anyone, he’s the one who understands the magnitude of this. It was Ali who helped him through his brain tumour, after all, with all her connections and access. ‘Well. Maybe it was time?’

‘Apparently so,’ I say.

‘And anyway, I was in the middle of telling you what a fantastic daughter you are.’

‘Dad! Come on!’

‘No!’ he says. ‘I’m serious! You are! I’ve been thinkingabout it a lot. Dads and daughters, that’s real life. That’s where it’s at. I want to see you more, Jessie, share more with you. Let’s not be strong for each other any more, let’s be proper friends. I love spending time with you, I really do. Women might come and even go in the future, but I promise, you’re my top girl, always and forever. All right?’

‘All right, Dad,’ I say. ‘That …’ I start to well up. ‘I’ve just wanted to hear you say that for ages, you know? You’re my dad! I need you! And I’ve missed you!’

‘Come here,’ he says, pulling me in for a hug. ‘Now. What’s going on with Ali? You okay?’

I tell him about how she said I couldn’t do Stray Kids, about meeting Ramona, and how after the Health and Safety fail I lost it and decided to take back control. I even explain about Cal getting dumped, and how I asked him to leave even though I didn’t really want to. Dad nods, and eventually asks: ‘Are you going to call this Cal, now Ali isn’t a consideration? Because if I may be so bold …’

‘You may,’ I say.

‘Well,’ Dad says. ‘You sound kind of gaga for him.’

I look at him. ‘I guess I could call him now, yeah. I probably owe it to myself, don’t I?’

Dad smiles. ‘I’d say so,’ he tells me. ‘He sounds kind of perfect.’

‘Really?’ I say. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘The way your eyes go all dreamy when you talk about him.’

‘They do not!’ I squeal. ‘Shut up!’

‘They do!’ Dad says. ‘It’s nice to see! You should be happy, Jessie. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of that.’

‘Hmmm,’ I say. ‘Well. I deleted his number so I couldn’t text him in a moment of weakness, and apparently he’s on holiday. I’m just going to focus on Stray Kids. That’s what’s most important to me right now.’

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