Page 73 of Love at First Sight

He sounds so genuine. Gentle, and concerned. It disarms me.

‘I don’t know what I need,’ I say, the words escaping my mouth before I can assess their honesty. He nods, digesting this.

‘I’m going to say goodnight,’ he tells me. ‘Can I kiss you?’

Our voices are quiet, barely whispers, like talking louder could ruin something. What, exactly, I’m not 100 per cent sure. This whole thing has snuck up on me, my heart allowing things my brain has not yet processed.

‘Yes,’ I say, and as he comes closer, Leo’s soft, pillowy lips are on mine, gently, playfully, just a little peck, but I close my eyes briefly anyway. It is considerate and tender and lovely. Leo.Leo, Leo, Leo. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

After lingering for a second or two, he pulls away and cups my face.

‘Goodnight, Jessie.’

‘Goodnight,’ I say, my voice barely audible over his footsteps back down the street.

27

I wake up thinking of Leo. We kissed! A chaste, restrained kiss, but lips-on-lips nonetheless. I’m smiling remembering it, remembering his hand in mine on the way home, how he told me he was going to kiss me, how he said he could go slowly, if that’s what I needed. It’s like everything I have ever dreamed of – everything I hoped I’d get from Cal, when I was daydreaming about us before I knew his truth. But I just cannot escape that it’s Casanova Leo. I love his company, I really do. Time passes by in a flash when we’re together. He’s been persistent and vocal about his intentions. He’sveryattractive, too, of course. Urgh. I don’t know! And I don’t even want to sound this out with India because she’ll just tell me to go for it, which is all well and good but it’s not her heart, is it? We do things for the story, but I don’t think my self-esteem could handle deciding to trust Leo and then getting proved totally right about my first instinct.

WHY ARE MEN SO HARD WHY IS DATING SO HARD WHY AM I SUCH AN OVERTHINKER?!?!?!?!

What I do know is, I feel differently about Cal today. Something has shifted, overnight, as I’ve thought about all of Leo’s good points. It really throws Cal into the shadein terms of what my standards should be. I might have turned Cal down because of Ali’s ultimatum in the first place, but she did me a favour if I’m really honest with myself. Just like accepting a crappy Health and Safety assessment result, maybe I have such low expectations for myself that I thought I deserved the complications Cal brought with him. But I don’t. I deserve straightforward. I deserve declarations of intent and actions that follow. Cal didn’t give me any of that.

But Leo did.

I sigh.

Leo did all that.

That’s certainly not nothing.

I really don’t know what to expect from my second Health and Safety visit, but I’m nervous as hell because I need this to work out. We’re full steam ahead now, and I’d do anything to get sign-off so the council aren’t something I have to worry about any more.

I’m wearing cropped jeans and a logoed T-shirt, a box of which has just arrived in the post, with my hair in a low ponytail. I looked relaxed but official, friendly but competent. It’s possible I’m putting too much thought into what vibes my outfit gives off, but it’s one of the only things I can control, so I go with it.

It’s a sunny day, and the park looks verdant and lush. There’s just enough activity around to make the place feel lively, like a real community hub. So I make the executive decision to pull out some deckchairs from the StrayKids HQ hut and pop them in the shade, so that Jules, the Health and Safety inspector, can sit comfortably as I beg for her to tell me how to fix whatever the issue is.

‘So nice to meet you,’ she says, when she arrives – clipboard under her arm, short blonde bob tucked behind one ear. ‘Great hut!’

I smile. ‘A friend fixed it up for me. Well, forusactually – all of us, because Stray Kids isn’t mine any more. It’s for everyone. Anyone who wants to be a part of it.’

Jules nods.

‘Great,’ she says. ‘Do you want to talk me through it then? Just walk me through everything you identify as a potential hazard, and the steps you’re taking to mitigate that risk.’

‘Sure thing,’ I say, and I don’t stop talking for the next twenty-five minutes as I show Jules around the site.

When we’re done, Jules and I circle back to the hut, where she sits down to leaf through various bits of paper from the portfolio she’s been carrying under her arm. She’s laughed when I’ve made little jokes, nodded with what I thought was sincerity when I explained our processes to her, and muttered variations ofgood,awesomeandexcellentwhenever I’ve stopped for breath. And yet, now she’s frowning like something is still wrong.

‘Anything else I can help with?’ I ask, nervously.

She looks up.

‘Sorry,’ she says. ‘I’m just trying to figure out why exactly you were passed on to me as a fail in the first place.I didn’t have time to read this beforehand, but now I’m looking properly, it was all in order to begin with.’

I blink slowly.

‘Did you say this was passed on to you as a fail?’ I say. I almost don’t dare ask what I really need to know. ‘Was that by Cal?’

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