Page 77 of Love at First Sight

‘You know the dancing-by-the-river guy,’ I begin.

She nods at my seeming non sequitur. ‘Yeah,’ she says.

‘That was Cal,’ I say. ‘I didn’t know my Cal was your Vinnie until he showed up at the house. So yeah, I liked Cal, but I never would have let myself feel those things for your boyfriend under normal circumstances. It was a very weird coincidence.’

‘No way,’ Ali says. ‘Seriously?’

‘Seriously. So when I said Whole Foods guy turned out to be a dud … that’s why. Whole Foods guy was Cal.’

‘That’s …’ Ali says, at a loss for words.

‘I know,’ I say. ‘So random.’

‘The randomest.’

‘And also redundant. He asked to make a go of thingsthe night you two ended, when he drove me back to London, and when I said no he tried to sabotage Stray Kids.’

‘No!’ says Ali. ‘How?’

‘He turned out to be the Health and Safety guy, and he failed me.’

Ali shakes her head. ‘This is one too many coincidences, Jessie. Look at my arm.’ She holds it out to me. ‘The hairs are standing on end! God. I thought he was one of the good ones. I absolutely take it back: donotmake a go of it with somebody like that. Ewww!’

‘I know,’ I say. ‘I just hope he stays away now. Leaves me to it.’

‘What about Leo? He’s gaga about you. Seemed so at the café, anyway.’

I shrug, but my heart does a weird flip at the thought of Leo and his rakish smile. ‘I’m just going to focus on the business for now. He says he’s into me, but I’ve known Leo socially for a long time – he’s never into anyone for long. We’re better as friends.’

‘And us?’ Ali asks.

‘What, can we be friends?’

‘I know I haven’t been supportive so far, but I also know this is going to be amazing. Will you come back and work for us? I don’t know what we’ll do without you. You’re not just a friend – you’re family.’

Hearing Ali say that doesn’t fill me with joy, or elation, or vindication. It makes me feel tired. These past few weeks have brought so much drama and tension, and to behonest, most of it has orbited around Ali. So I think now is the time to cut the cord. The Jessie who bent to other people’s will has gone now. There’s a new, stronger Jessie in the driving seat.

‘No, Ali,’ I say. ‘Thank you for asking but …’

‘Are you going to make me beg?’

‘This isn’t a ploy, I promise,’ I push on. ‘I’m grateful for everything you’ve done for me, and I’ll never forget it. But I really do want to make Stray Kids work, and I don’t ever want to feel guilty for the passion I have for it. You were right, in a way, about other employers forbidding extracurricular work. I guess I thought that rule didn’t apply to me because mine wasn’t a conventional office job or whatever. But even if you’re not asking me to choose between the two any more, I still think it’s right to focus on Stray Kids. I haven’t put myself first in a very long time, Ali. I’m obsessed with building a perfect life in my head, dreaming of what could be, but actually, I just need to stop being so afraid to live animperfectlife. I know that all sounds very grand. Also …’ I pause, taking a breath.

‘Go on …’ she prompts.

‘Well. You really hurt me. Giving me an ultimatum that way, treating me so coldly when you’ve always insisted I’m like family. It wasn’t nice, and if we are friends, like you say, I need you to know that.’

She looks at me for a beat and then nods. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right. Talking to you that way wasn’t kind, or respectful. I think I knew it even as I was doing it, and I told myself I didn’t care.’ She touches a palm to her heart,like this is where she is speaking from. ‘Sorry, Jessie. I truly am.’

‘Thank you,’ I say, amazed it can be that simple: telling somebody they’ve hurt you, and letting them fix it.

‘Friends then?’ Ali says hopefully, extending a hand. ‘We’d still love you to be around, to stop by for a cuppa or to play on the trampoline with Henry. If you want that too?’

‘I really do,’ I say, taking her hand. ‘I still want to babysit sometimes, and hang out, and watch Henry grow up. I love him, Ali. I love him so much. So yes. Friends.’

We shake on it.

I pick Henry up from school the next day, so I can take him out for pizza and tell him I’m not going to be his regular nanny any more.

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