Page 81 of Love at First Sight

‘Leo,’ I say, stepping towards him. ‘Do you fancy taking a walk?’

I gesture to the quiet street beside the church, and he looks to where I’m pointing and then back again.

‘Okay …’ he says. ‘You’re not going to, like, murder me or anything, are you?’

I shake my head.

‘No,’ I say. ‘But … can I hold your hand?’

Slowly, he replies, ‘Okay …’ before offering it to me. I lace my fingers through his and hold on tightly. It feels nice. We walk in silence, because I don’t know where to start. When we reach the cemetery, I point to an old tree branch that has fallen, just under a street lamp, so we can see one another.

‘Come here,’ I say.

Leo sits beside me, and I will myself to breathe deeply.

‘I’m a bit nervous,’ I say, quietly, trying to laugh butsounding manic. Leo reaches out to my leg and puts his hand on my knee to stop it shaking.

‘It’s only me,’ he says.

I nod, letting the fact sink in. ‘Yeah. I suppose I just … urm … well. You know the other night? Did you mean what you said?’

I dare to look at him sideways, just in time to see a flicker of something at the corner of his mouth, like he might burst out laughing.

‘About … having feelings for you?’ he says, reluctantly, like this might be a trap.

‘Yes,’ I say.

‘I meant it.’

‘Okay.’ My voice is a whisper. Why is this so scary? Why do I feel so afraid? Is this what it’s like to put yourself out there? Is this feeling why I have avoided it for so long, let myself fall for people I can’t have instead of confronting the possibility of anything real? To avoid the possibility of rejection?

‘It’s just, urm, I think I want you too,’ I say.

Leo nods, digesting this. ‘Okay …’

‘So, what do you think?’

‘I think you’re going to have to do better than that,’ he replies.

I look at him, and he throws up a hand in a half-shrug, his other still firmly planted on my thigh.

‘A man likes to be romanced,’ he says. ‘Likes the big declaration. I think I’m worth it,’ he adds. He’s not even kidding – he means it.

‘That’s such a Leo thing to say,’ I tell him, smiling. Relaxing.

‘Doesn’t make it any less true.’

I nod.

‘Leo,’ I begin, ‘I’ve known you for a while now. You’ve always made me feel good, always been good chat at the pub, always told me I’m cute or pretty or whatever. And something stopped me from believing it was true. But, just lately, I’ve been thinking that I might want to believe everything you say. I’ve been thinking that I’m my best self when I’m with you, and that you’re kind, and loyal, and always show up. You’re also okay to look at, which helps.’

Leo laughs.

‘Much better,’ he says, gently.

‘And so,’ I press on, and I must admit, the more the words flow out of me the easier it gets to say them, ‘I was wondering if …’

‘If …?’ he says, shifting his body so that his face is closer to mine. I look at his lips. His perfect, full lips. He pulls the bottom one between his teeth, slowly, seductively, and then smiles.

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