Page 38 of Banter & Blushes

I wassoscrewed.

THE LINE BETWEEN WANTING AND LETTING GO

LUCA

Istared at Rebecca, feeling a strange mix of frustration and helplessness as she tried to pull away from me. I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. What had just happened? One minute, she was in front of me, looking like she was trying to say something that was going to make everythingbetter, and the next—she was slipping through my fingers, like sand, no matter how hard I tried to hold on.

She was standing a few feet away now, arms crossed tightly against her chest, like she was trying to protect herself from something I wasn’t even sure I understood. Her face was an open book, and right now, it wasconfused—but it was more than that. She was shutting down. Closing off. And I could feel it, feel the wall she was putting up between us, and it was making my chest tighten.

“Rebecca,” I said quietly, taking a step forward, but not too close. I didn’t want to crowd her. I didn’t want to be theguywho pushed her into something she wasn’t ready for. “I don’t understand. You’re saying we shouldn’t be hanging out... but that’s all I want to do. I mean, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but... I like spending time with you. Ireallylike it.”

I could see her eyes flicker, but she didn’t say anything. She just... stood there, like she was waiting for something. Waiting for me to mess it all up.

And the thing was—I knew I probably would. I knew I was on the verge of doing or saying something that would make her pull away even further. Butthere was this... thing. This feeling in my chest that I couldn’t ignore. It had started off small, but the more time I spent with her, the more it grew.

It was this pull. This aching pull that saidI need to be near her.I need to protect her—even though she was probably perfectly capable of taking care of herself. I didn’t know if it was because of the way she laughed when she was embarrassed or the way she let herself get completely lost in the moments when we were alone. But the longer I was around her, the more I felt this intense, overwhelming desire to just... take care of her.

I took another step closer, but kept my distance, unsure if I was being too forward. I wasn’t exactly the kind of guy to overthink things, but with Rebecca... I wanted to make sure I did everything right.

I had to stop myself from reaching out, from touching her arm, fromdoingsomething that might break the fragile balance between us. She was already so guarded, so hesitant, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I said the wrong thing right now, I’d lose her for good.

I didn’t want to lose her. Hell, I couldn’taffordto lose her. But what was I supposed to do when everything inside me was telling me that Ineededher? That I couldn’t stop thinking about her—about the way she made me feel when I saw her, when I heard her voice, when I watched her take a bite of whatever food I’d made and then close her eyes like she was in heaven?

It was alltoo much. It was too raw and real. I stopped fighting the way she consumed my thoughts when she wasn’t around. I couldn’t help the way I’d imagine her sitting across from me, just... living life, and I’d be the guy who made her laugh over dinner every night. I could see it, could picture us together in some strange little future where it was just the two of us, and somehow I took care of her, and she took care of me. I wasn’t sure how or why, but it made perfect sense in my head.

But saying that out loud? That would bestupid, right?

“Rebecca, listen...” My voice felt hoarse, like the words were sticking in my throat. I was scared.Scaredof what I might say, scared of her reaction, scared that she might walk away andnever come back. “I... I don’t know what you think this is, but I want to be honest with you. I’m not playing games. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but... I really like you. I like you more than I’ve liked anyone in a long time, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I don’t care if you think I’m too young, or if you think I don’t know what I want, because I do. I want this. I wantyou.”

She shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting to the floor. “Luca, I?—”

“No,” I interrupted, needing her to hear me. “You don’t get it. This isn’t some... fling. I don’t want some casual thing with you. I... I’ve imagined—well, not imagined, but... I think about the future, and I picture you in it. And it’s not because I want to fix everything for you, or because I think I know what you need. I just... I just want you with me. And I can’t seem to stop wanting that.”

The words tumbled out of my mouth, and as soon as they left, I knew I’dcrossed some invisible line. There it was—the truth. The one thing I’d been too afraid to say out loud. I was in deep.

Her eyes met mine, but she didn’t say anything for a long time. It was like she was trying to piece together my words, trying to figure out what exactly I was saying, or maybe even trying to figure out whatIwas thinking.

God, I wanted her to justget it. I wanted her to see how much I was invested, how much I wanted to take care of her. To see that I wasn’t some clueless guy who just wanted a quick fling—I was the guy who would stay, the one who would make sure she realized her value.

But the silence was killing me. I took another step closer, close enough to feel the heat radiating from her, but still just out of reach. I wanted to touch her, but I didn’t want to overwhelm her. I wanted to say something that would make everythingright, but nothing seemed to fit.

“Rebecca, please,” I whispered, my voice low, raw. “Just... talk to me. Tell me what’s really going on in your head. You’re not telling me the truth.”

She shook her head slightly, looking away. Her lips parted like she was going to say something, but then nothing came out.

And that was the worst part. Because in this moment, I was just standing there, watching her struggle to decide whether she wanted to pull away from me for good or if she could let herself feel what I was feeling. The pull between us was undeniable, but the tension was thick, so thick that every inch of space between us felt like it might break.

And I had no idea what to do.

I just wanted her to stay.

I just wanted to hold her and tell her that Icouldmake it work. That I would take care of her. That whatever she was afraid of, I could handle it.

But right now, all I could do was hope she felt the same way.

THE “WORST” ADVICE THAT ALMOST KILLED ME

LUCA

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