Page 46 of Banter & Blushes

My heart clenched at her words. Ruin? What was she talking about? "Rebecca, you’re not going to ruin anything. What’s going on in your head? Please, talk to me."

She turned away, her face turned toward the wall as she whispered, "I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t know how to do this with you. I don’t know how to be what you need."

My pulse spiked as I realized what she was saying. "You think you’re not what I need?"

She laughed bitterly, but there was no joy in it—just raw, unfiltered hurt. "You’re young, Luca. You’resomuch younger than me. I don’t have time to play games. I’m not sure I even have the energy for this. I’ve already been through one marriage that failed, and I don’t think I can do it again. Not with you."

A jolt of pain ran through me, and for a moment, I couldn’t breathe.Is that what she thought? Did she actually imagine a life with me?

"Rebecca, please." I was standing so close to her now I could feel the heat of her body, the tension in her shoulders. My hands were shaking with the need to touch her, to comfort her, but I was nervous of saying the wrong thing. "I don’t care about the age difference. I don’t care about anything except you. I’ve never felt this way before, Rebecca. You make me feel like I could do anything, be anything. And I know it’s not perfect, but Iwantthis with you. I don’t want to let you go."

She shook her head again, her voice breaking. "I can’t justfallinto something because it feels good in the moment. I can’t keep pretending like I’m not a mess. I can’t keep pretending like I’m not scared."

I took another step forward, my voice low, desperate, "You don’t have to be perfect, Rebecca. I’m not asking you to be. I’m just asking you to trust me."

She turned her face toward me, her eyes filled with confusion, sadness, and something else I couldn’t place. And then, before either of us could say anything more, I did the only thing I could think to do.

I pulled her into my arms.

I didn’t think. I didn’t care if she was angry or if she pulled away. I just wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close and holding her tightly as I felt her shoulders tremble against me.

"Just let me hold you," I whispered into her hair. "Just for a minute. Please. I got you."

I could feel her try to pull back, but I wouldn’t let her go. I wasn’t letting her slip through my fingers again.

She cried then—soft, quiet sobs against my chest—and I just let her. I didn’ttry to fix it, didn’t try to make her stop. I just held her, feeling the storm inside her, and hoped she would let me help her weather it.

It was messy. It was painful. I didn’t care if it was perfect. I just wanted to be there for her.

And for once, I wasn’t thinking about what would happen next.

I was just holding on… for the both of us.

THE STORM IN MY HEAD

REBECCA

Idon't know how long we stood there, wrapped up in that moment. It felt like the rain had stopped, but maybe it was just the heavy weight of my emotions that drowned everything out. All I could focus on was the feel of Luca’s arms around me—so warm, so steady, like he was the one holding everything together while I fell apart in his arms.

I was shaking, trembling, and it wasn't just the cold anymore. I couldn't even pinpoint exactly when it happened, but somewhere in the middle of all my internal chaos, I started crying. I didn't want to, didn’t want him to see how utterly broken I felt, how fragile I was underneath all my bravado. But the tears came anyway, pouring down my face, mixing with the rain that still clung to my skin.

I could feel his breath against my hair, steady and comforting, but all I could hear in my head were my own thoughts.What is he doing here? Why is he holding me? He’s probably regretting this right now.

I pulled away slightly, wiping my face, trying to regain some composure. But everything felt so fragile. I was utterlyembarrassed. I never thought I'd be this person—the one who couldn’t control herself in front of someone else, especially not in front of someone like him. I was crumbling like a cheap cardboard box in the rain.

"God, I’m so sorry," I muttered, backing away slightly, but he didn’t let go. His arms stayedaround me, like he was anchoring me to him, like he wouldn’t let me drift away.

"You don’t have to apologize," he said softly, his voice low and steady. "It’s okay to feel like this. You don’t have to hold it all together, Rebecca."

But I did. Ialwayshad to hold it together. And the fact that he was here, witnessing the mess that was me, made my stomach twist. This wasn’t how I wanted him to see me. Not like this. Not when I couldn’t even figure out what I wanted for myself, let alone for us.

I forced myself to pull away even more, taking a shaky breath. I needed to make him understand.He doesn’t get it. He’s too young for all this. He doesn’t deserve my baggage, my drama.

"You don’t have to do this, Luca," I said, my voice cracking. I cursed under my breath, wiping my cheeks again, trying to hide the tears.I was pathetic.

He tilted his head, his hand reaching to push a wet strand of hair away from my face, looking at me like I was something worth understanding. "What do you mean? Do what?"

"This," I gestured between us, my voice barely above a whisper. "I can’t do this. You—" I swallowed hard, trying to find the right words, but they all seemed to die in my throat. "YYou deserve someone who isn’t a mess on good days and a control freak on others. I don’t know what I’m doing, Luca. I’m just… I’m justnotready."

---