Page 9 of Banter & Blushes

CHAPTER 5

CADE

With an equal mixture of excitement and trepidation, I pull into a parking spot right in front of Plot Twists and Perfect Matches. If Grandad’s darn trust fund ultimatum wasn’t staring me in the face—and my attorney wasn’t reminding me of it every day, I would never resort to a matchmaking service. I’m rather content to concentrate on my business, date on occasion, and not get too serious about settling down. However, I’m not willing to forfeit several million dollars, so I straighten my shoulders and stride into Luna’s shop.

The air is filled with another soothing instrumental musical number, along with the distinctive aroma of lavender, but the beautiful shopkeeper is nowhere to be seen. Wandering around the store, I thumb through a stack of the latest bestsellers, ponder purchasing a soy candle shaped like a conch shell, and read an informational sign about which essential oils are recommended for different ailments. Why couldn’t that elderly customer have read the sign rather than take all of Luna’s attention last time?

“You’re here!” Luna says in a breathless voice as she appears from the back room carrying a tray of those brownies. My mouth waters even though I know I’ll have to wash them down with a cup of tea rather than coffee.

“Do you need any help?” I ask as she struggles to open the bakery case with one hand while balancing the tray on her hip. There’s a couple touch-and-gomoments when I’m not sure whether the brownies will end up in the case or on the floor.

“Nope! I’ve got it,” Luna says as she wrestles the door open, then plops the tray none-too-gently into the glass-fronted case. “Would you like a brownie before we get started? I believe I owe you one, along with a nice oolong tea.” Her eyes lock with mine, and I have to tear my eyes away to not get lost in them. Instead I take in her outfit: another brightly colored flowy skirt paired with a figure-hugging top. My heart rate kicks up a notch.

I swallow and try to remember what she asked me.Right. Brownies.Knowing all the other activities on my busy schedule today, I don’t have time to dawdle over brownies and tea. “Can I snack while I fill out the matchmaking form?” Multitasking seems like the best way to fit in a tasty treat.

“Of course,” she says, all business. “Let’s get you started on the questionnaire, then I’ll bring over your brownies and tea.”

I follow her to the opposite side of the room, realizing that she’s wearing yet another pair of Chuck Taylors, this time in purple and black.Where does she get all these brightly colored styles from?

Luna marches up to a laptop sitting on a small café table and wiggles her finger on the mouse, waking up the machine. “Please complete all twenty-eight questions, no skipping any,” she says in a no-nonsense tone.

With only twenty-eight questions, I’m sure I’ll crank through them in a few minutes.How difficult can they be?

“I’ll be back in a minute with the food.” Her flowy skirt sways as she walks away, and I succumb to watching those enticing hips sashay back and forth until she’s out of sight.

Settling myself in front of the computer, I read the directions then start answering questions. The first several are straightforward, and I answer those without hesitation.

What are your top three must-have qualities in a partner?I select ambition, loyalty, and honesty. My ideal woman needs to be career-driven but also loyal to me (no dalliances on the side). Even if we don’t spend a lot of time together, I expect her to be faithful to our marriage vows.

Which of the following best describes your ideal weekend?Debating between exploring the outdoors and working on personal projects or hobbies, I select the latter, amending it in my mind to be working on business-related projects.That’s not cheating, is it?

“How’s it going? Any questions?”

I jump at Luna’s interruption, not having seen her approach. She slides a white ceramic mug holding steaming water and a tea bag, plus a matching ceramic plate containing two brownies, towards me.

“Two questions down, twenty-six to go,” I tease. She smiles briefly as I snag a brownie and take a big bite. The gooey chocolate goodness hits my taste buds just right, although I do wish I had a cup of strong coffee to go with it.

“I’ll leave you to it,” she says as the bells jingle to announce another customer. I hear her address the new client as my focus returns to the screen.

Twenty-five minutes later, my eyes are blurry, I feel a headache coming on, and I’ve skipped several questions. Thank goodness this isn’t a timed test because I’d flunk.

Though they’re sanctioned by the National Association of Matchmakers (as the questionnaire says in bold print at the top of the screen), I can’t help but wonder who came up with these wacky questions. I suspect a beautiful brunette who loves to wear colorful Chuck Taylors had a hand in them, but I keep my opinion to myself. Groaning, I take another bite of brownie and return to the questions I skipped.

Which fictional character would you most want as a best friend?I debated the list for five full minutes the first time before giving up. I simply couldn’t decide between Buddy the Elf, SpongeBob SquarePants, a kid from Harry Potter, and someone named Hello Kitty.Do they allow write-in candidates? Moving on.

If you were stranded on a desert island, which of these random items would you want to have with you?The list provided contains only useless items that wouldn’t help with my survival.Who needs a supply of bubble wrap, a pet rock, or a karaoke machine in your time of trouble? Moving on.

Thankfully this time I’m able to answer the question about my stance on spontaneity. When I initially read the question, I debated between coming across as too regimented. But who doesn’t prefer routines and having things planned out well in advance?Done!

Next question asks about my preferred level of communication in a relationship. Although it might make me sound a teeny bit standoffish, I believe that “checking in as needed and respecting each other’s space” is the obvious logical answer.Done!

The remaining questions taunt me. There’s no way a logical person would select any of these crazy answers. My leg jiggles as I reread the questions over and over. Maybe I should just close my eyes and make a selection?

“Almost done?” Luna returns to check on me, and a flush of embarrassment crawls up my neck when my eye catches the clock hanging on the wall behind the register.I’ve been at this for forty-four minutes?

I exhale loudly, grateful that she doesn’t mention how long I’m taking. “Are write-in answers accepted?” I ask, pointing and frowning at the screen.

A laugh escapes, but she covers it with a cough. “Are you unable to select from the choices provided?” she asks as her shoulders shake.

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