Page 44 of Happily Never After

Claire whistled, and Rosie ran out on stage, reluctantly clad in a top hat and her sparkly ringleader outfit. There was a chorus ofawwfrom the audience. Claire gave her a treat, and Luke whistled offstage. Rosie ran back to him and flopped on her back.

“For your entertainment while you enjoy a four-course dinner from the country club’s own Chef Stephanie, you’re going to meet the animals you’re helping to save. Some of them have disabilities, but they are still more than capable of filling your homes with love and joy.” She signaled to Mindy, and the house lights dimmed as the curtains opened. A small agility course was revealed. The banner was definitely crooked, but hopefully it added to the whimsy of the talent show.

Mindy burst through the backdoors with Maggie, a three-legged yellow lab. Everyone in the audience turned to look. Mindy could have passed for a Vegas showgirl.

“Please put your hands together for Maggie, a four-year-old lab with three legs and a heart of gold.” Mindy gestured to the dog, who panted happily and slobbered in the lap of a local malpractice lawyer.

“Maggie enjoys long, slightly lopsided walks and watching re-runs of baking shows. But don’t let this tripod fool you, she has more poise and grace than the New York Ballet Company.” After tugging Maggie away from a sociology professor’s dinner roll, the pair climbed the steps to the stage. Mindy handed Maggie off to Gloria, co-owner of Tender Hearts, who had mercifully agreed to change out of her denim overalls for the occasion.

Waiters had begun to descend with salad and bread, but most of the audience wasn’t watching as their food arrived.

Gloria let Maggie off her leash and gave her a “stay” command. Gloria moved to the opposite side of the obstacle course and whistled. Maggie dove through the course, rocketing through a small tunnel and leaping between staggered cones. She ran up a ramp and jumped through a hoop before gracefully landing on the other side. She continued to run, gathering speed before clearing a hurdle at the end of the stage. Gloria raised her hands triumphantly, and the audience broke into thunderous applause. The curtains swung shut, and stage hands hurried to move the agility course offstage.

Oh, shit. Claire had been so busy watching Maggie do her course that she had forgotten she was introducing the next dog. She darted into the hallway and jogged to the foyer, squashing her boobs flat as she ran. This was no time to lose an eye. She grabbed the next dog, Brodie, from Sam, and squeezed in a couple deep breaths. The attendees would be looking at the dog, not her. There was no reason to freak out. She should have taken a shot of whiskey before slithering into this ridiculous outfit.

She switched on her wireless microphone and opened the doors. Brodie zoomed inside next to her, hind legs bound up in a wheelchair.

“Next we have Brodie, a red dachshund who comes with his own set of wheels,” Claire announced. Her voice boomed back at her from the speakers in the corner of the room. All eyes turned to look at her. Damn it. They were supposed to focus on the dog. There was no way all these probing eyes were going to miss the small ocean of back sweat lurking under her costume.

She caught Nicole’s eye as she passed her table, and she pointed to Claire’s boobs and gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

The dachshund shoved his snoot into a woman’s purse, and Claire gently tugged him away. “Brodie is just as happy at the lake as he is cuddled under a puddle of blankets on your lap. Be careful if you meet him, because he’ll steal your heart.What he lacks in stair-climbing ability, he makes up for with a convenient, portable size and a very special talent.”

By some miracle, she had reached the stage without tripping or sweating on someone. Brodie’s tongue flopped out as she picked him up and gently placed him onstage, where Gloria took the leash and led him to the center. Three miniature tennis balls hit the ground. Brodie’s front legs danced anxiously.

“Wait. Wait,” Gloria said, holding her hand up to Brodie. He maintained eye contact. “Okay.”

The little dog careened forward and snatched all three tennis balls from the floor. He faced the audience, cheeks and mouth full of balls. The crowd applauded again. Claire escorted Brodie backstage and tucked him back into his designated crate.

Mindy’s voice came over the speaker, announcing the arrival of Mittens, a one-eyed Persian cat who was about to jump six feet in the air with the help of a laser pointer.

“I’m not going to lie,” someone said in Claire’s ear. “I feel ridiculous.”

She turned. Brianna stood next to her, looking absurdly beautiful in her costume. She was going to escort the last animal as a surprise for the audience.

“You look beautiful. I really hope we’re not about to accidentally sell you into sex trafficking.”

Brianna waved her hand. “I’ll be fine. Don’t you have to go escort a bird?”

“Dammit. You’re right.” Claire turned and half-jogged to the hallway.

By the time the forks were scraping up the last of the entrée course, Claire’s hair hung in damp ringlets down her back and her legs ached from hurrying in heels. Her toes were pinched, her makeup was almost certainly smudged all over the place, and she probably looked like a homeless sewer rat. But if they pulled this off, it would all be worth it.

Mindy and Claire took the stage together. Mindy’s brow glistened under the lights, but Claire almost certainly looked like she had just emerged from the deep end of the country club’s pool.

“And now, as an extra special treat, please welcome our last rescue animal, escorted by my sister, actress Brianna Hartley.”

Brianna threw the doors open in her fishnet stockings and matching ringleader outfit. The audience gasped. Some of them jumped to their feet. Applause broke out, and more people climbed to their feet. She tapped her mic before speaking.

“Thank you, West Haven! Here we have Earl Grey, or Earl for short, an English sheepdog who doesn’t let his deafness interfere with daily life. He enjoys lying in front of fireplaces—sir, if you want to keep your fingers unbroken, I recommend that you keep them to yourself.”

Brianna paused her monologue to cast a sharp look at a middle-aged man with a shining bald spot and basketball themed tie. He withdrew his hand from her ass and leered at her. Sawyer jumped up from his table and put a hand on the man’s shoulder.

Brianna continued her walk—make that strut—with Earl Grey. She climbed the stairs effortlessly and took to the stage as though she had been born there. When she dropped the leash and gave Earl a hand signal, he stayed, panting happily, while she crossed to the middle of the stage and picked a treat from a bowl.

She tossed it toward him, a little too high, and he leapt and snatched it from the air. The audience applauded as Sawyer led the creepy basketball guy from the room. They didn’t need his money.

Brianna took another treat and backed up. There was easily ten feet of space between her and Earl. She tossed the treat underhand, and Earl jumped and caught it with ease. He turnedin place twice before settling down. Brianna picked a third treat from the bowl and took several more steps back. Could she even throw that far?

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