Page 54 of Redemption

He rounds on me, and I can’t help cringing away. His entire body coils tight, and I’m not sure if he’s preparing to launch himself at me or if he’s wresting with his own shadows of emotion. The only ones he’s capable of experiencing.

“I would never hurt you,” he vows. “Never.”

“You have hurt me more deeply than anyone in my life. Worse than Tom when he raped me. Worse than my family with their years of psychological and emotional abuse. You made me believe I loved you, but it was all a manipulation to get me into your bed. It was all a sick game to you.” I dash the tears from my cheeks so I can look him squarely in the eye. “You broke my heart, Dane. You brokeme.”

His skin is unusually pale, and he looks like he might vomit. “I wouldn’t. I haven’t.”

“Look at me.” I gesture at the painting. “Look at what you’ve done to me, and tell me you would never hurt me. Tell me you truly believe that you haven’t shattered me. Lie to us both if you want, but I’m done being gaslighted by you.”

He stares at the painting again and shakes his head. Then he stares some more. The silence is thick between us, and I let him stew in it.

I’d expected to feel vindication in this moment, but all I feel is soul-deep grief.

Grief for what I thought we could be together, and for the devastating loss of love when I learned the truth about Dane.

“I wanted to die,” he rasps.

“What?” I ask faintly.

He finally turns to face me, and his eyes are dark with agony. “When you crashed the Jeep, I thought…” He swallows hard. “All that blood. You weren’t moving. You didn’t answer me when I said your name.”

His jaw firms, and he fixes me with a fiery stare that’s so intense I can hardly bear to maintain eye contact.

“If you had died, I would’ve opened my veins and laid down right next to you. I realized that truth in the moment I thought I’d lost you.”

Shock punches me when he drops to his knees and takes my chilled hands in both of his. My fingers are trembling, but not from fear.

“I told you I can’t live without you. I mean it in the truest sense of the words. You’ve made mefeelfor the first time in my life. I wasn’t living before I met you. My life has no meaning without you in it.”

My lips are parted on panting breaths, as though I’ve been sprinting for miles rather than standing frozen in the beautiful studio that he made for me.

“I know I’ve hurt you. I can see that now. I will spend every day of the rest of my life making it up to you. Name anything you want, and I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you the world, Abigail. I would give you the blood from my veins. I would give you my heart, but I can’t promise you something I don’t have. You want the organ that keeps me alive? I’ll cut it out of my chest for you. Because without you, I don’t need it.”

He rubs his thumbs over my chilled knuckles. “I’m scaring you. I don’t want to, but I won’t lie to you. I’m obsessive and cruel and every bit as selfish as I’ve ever said. I won’t ask you to forgive me. I can at least spare you that selfish request.” He lifts my hands and kisses my palms with reverence. “I’ll be better for you, Abigail. I will never be worthy of you, but I’ll be better. I swear.”

His pain pierces my heart like a knife, twisting and shredding. Even after everything he’s done to me, bearing witness to his anguish is my own form of agony.

I want him to be the man I fell in love with so badly.

And this version of Dane who’s on his knees before me looks so much like him.

I know deep in my bones that this isn’t a trick. It’s not another manipulation.

He said he would die without me, and I believe him.

I don’t know how to process it.

I hate him for what he’s done to me, but how can I still feel yearning for the man who assaulted me?

The depth of his obsession is terrifying. His confession should only make me more wary of him, but my tattered heart tugs toward his in an echo of the love I used to feel.

“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit on a shaky whisper.

He grasps my hands closer to his chest. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me anything. I’m the one who should speak now. And I want to say I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you like this. Never again. I swear.”

I’m stunned at his apology. It seems impossible, surreal, that Dane is on his knees telling me he’s sorry. I didn’t think he was capable of remorse.

But he’s still not promising to let me go if that’s what I ask of him. He said he won’t live without me. That means I have no hope of escape.

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