Page 11 of Pieces of Us

It had been thirteen years. Thirteen years of no communication from him…Nehemiah Newson.My first true love, and the person my father ran out of my life. A week after that blow up, my father moved us all the way out to Troy, Michigan, made me say eighty Hail Mary’s, and restricted me from using a phone or computer for a year straight. I had no contact with the outside world. My mom tried reasoning with him. However, he wouldn’t let up.

It wasn’t until I went to college did he get his foot off my neck and allowed me to date Justin my junior year.

I never forgot abouthim. I never stopped lovinghim. So many nights I cried at the fact that I would never see him again. I was secretly depressed and grew a deep resentment for my father. It took three years for me to give my heart to Justin, and even still, Nehemiah still took residence there.

“Mo,” Drue called out to me. I snapped out of my thoughts and cleared my throat.

“Did she see you?”

“Yes. We talked for a bit. She told me about her owning a dispensary and Chelsea owning a gym. They fine ass daddy still crazy, and Nehemiah has his own practice.”

I stood and walked over to the picture window, looking out at our beautiful backyard. My belly was doing flips because Nehemiah didn’t know that he had a whole thirteen almost fourteen year old. I never wanted to keep her a secret. I begged my father to let him be a part of Megan’s life, but he refused, saying he’d only get us caught up in the streets and possibly killed. Nehemiah wasn’t a street thug. He might have had the swagger of a street dude, but he was nothing like his father. He was smart, kind, and beautiful.

God was he beautiful.The image of his brown skin, dark kind eyes, bushy brows, full lashes, perfect dimpled smile, and straight white teeth had me closing my eyes, envisioning all the times he made my stomach flip and heart flutter when he kissed me.God, forgive me.I shook the image from my mind, becoming angry with Drue for bringing him up.

“Why are you telling me this, Drue?”

Like I don’t have other shit on my mind like my secretive husband.

“Because it’s been years, Morgan. I know Justin is claiming Megan as his—”

“Legally, she is his.”

“But not biologically.”

“I can’t confuse her, Drue. Justin is all she knows.”

I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. It took years for me to come to grips with Nehemiah never knowing about Megan. I felt so guilty that he wasn’t able to experience her birth. I could have told Megan who her birth father was, but at the time, I was young and listening to my father and Justin tell me it wouldn’t be a good idea. Justin promised me that he’d take care of her, and he did. He treated Megan as though she was his, but I still felt a twinge of guilt about it.

When I found out I was pregnant, that was when the depression started, and my father removed all communication to the outside world from me. He said it was punishment from God for defiling my temple and having a child out of wedlock.

I respected my father when he was behind the pulpit, but in our home, during that tragic time, I lost some of that respect for him because of what he made me do.

Nehemiah wasn’t dead. He had an almost high school freshman he knew nothing about.

“This is messed up, Drue. I made myself believe that he and I never existed. That he was just a figment of my imagination, and that I was the Virgin Mary. You should have warned me that you were about to drop this bomb on me.”

“I told you I had some tea. Then I told you to drink up because it was piping hot.”

“Girl! You had me thinking it was something about you and Ishmael, not about me and my buried secrets.”

“Listen. I love Justin. I do, but Detroit ain’t but so big, and eventually, you’re going to run into him just like I ran into his sister.”

“How will I explain this to Megan? I let Daddy and Justin convince me to never tell her, and here we are almost fourteen years later…She’s going to hate me.”

“Hate is a strong word, and my baby’s heart is way too pure to feel that way about you. I never agreed with what Daddy did to you, but I didn’t have a choice but to concede because he was the man of the house and our father. Even Mommy tried to tell him that it wasn’t right, but he convinced her that Nehemiah was the worst human on the planet.”

“And he was everything but.” I shook my head. “I can’t do this, Sis. I can’t complicate my household.” I was conflicted.

“I don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but by chance that you do, you have to decide if you want to keep him in the dark or allow him to get to know his child.”

“He doesn’t even know…” I could feel Drue’s presence joining me at the window. I looked over at her as she gave me a sympathetic look. “Your tea is nasty, Sis, real fucking nasty.”

“Oop!” She giggled. “I’m sorry, Morgan, but I couldn’t keep that from you, knowing your secret. It was easy to forget because it’s been so long. You weren’t going to be able to live the rest of your life and not feel this. I know he’s crossed your mind many times over the years. You truly did love him.”

I still do.

I wouldn’t voice that. I couldn’t speak it out loud when I was a whole married woman with children, living in this beautiful home with the man I vowed forever to. This was bad, really fucking bad.

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