Page 36 of When It Burns

“Come on in, Cowboy. Doesn’t look like you’re going anywhere any time soon,” she says leading me inside. My cock grows hard with thoughts of what that could mean.

She walks through the tidy, colorful apartment and stops at the refrigerator, “You want something to drink?”

“Sure, water is fine though,” I reply while I pull out a bar stool and take a seat. The tension is still strong, but both of us aren’t really sure how to handle it now that we’re alone.

“Here you go,” Caroline says as she hands me a cup of water and comes to sit beside me. “The storm looks pretty bad. There’s no way you're leaving until it clears. But I don’t have a guest room, so it’s just my bed…”

“I can sleep on the couch if you want me to,” I say quickly, feeling a bit of panic setting in. I haven’t shared a bed with anyone since before the accident.

“Oh,” Caroline says, and I don’t miss the intense look of hurt that passes over her face at my statement. Fuck. This is why I will never be good enough for this girl.

Blowing out a breath, I know I am going to have to have the talk with her. I breathe through the panic I feel clawing at my chest. I haven’t talked about that night with anybody except Margaret. But for the first time, the pain of talking about my past seems like a better option compared to the thought of Caroline thinking I don’t want her more than anything I’ve ever wanted in my life.

“I would love to sleep in your bed, Sunshine, but I need to tell you some things if that’s what you want,” I say quietly. Her eyes meet mine and her expression turns serious before she nods.

“Go ahead,” she says, reaching out and taking my hand.

I take a deep breath trying to figure out where to start. Caroline sits quietly beside me, running her thumb up and down the side of mine. I focus on the tiny movement and try to ignore the way that my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my damn chest.

“I know you’ve probably picked up a few things from Margaret and me, but there is a lot you don’t know. I know Margaret has mentioned our foster parents but I am gonna have to start at the beginning. My family-” I start but pause when I feel my throat threaten to close up.

“Theo, you don’t have to do this,” she says, and I look up to see sincerity in her eyes.

“I know, Sunshine. But I like you a whole damn lot. And if we are gonna have any shot at anything happening, you need to understand what you’re getting into. I need you to understand you’re way too good for a man like me,” I say and she jerks her head up and frowns.

“Stop that. It’s not true. I-” She starts, but I cut her off.

“Fourteen years ago, I watched my parents and my brother die,” I blurt out before she can say anything else. Her eyes widen and start to fill with tears, but I continue, “It was around Thanksgiving and my brother Jake was home on fall break. He was a star football player for Alabama, and he’d come home to see us for a day or two before he went back to Tuscaloosa for the Iron Bowl. The plan was for him to take me back with him for an official visit. I was sixteen and idolized Jake. I was on track to follow in his footsteps. I played Wide Receiver, and I led the state in touchdowns and receptions. I thought life couldn’t get any better.” I take a deep breath before continuing.

“Margaret had asked to spend the night with a friend next door, and my parents let her since we were out of school. We went out to dinner and came home to watch film. My parents were both of our biggest cheerleaders, so there was always a game on the TV. We said goodnight and went to our own rooms like normal. It was just a regular night until I woke up around three in the morning smelling smoke.”

“Oh, Theo,” Caroline says, moving closer to me and wrapping her arms around me. I am grateful for the connection because I can feel the ghosts of my past swarming me.

“It took me a minute to realize what was happening. When I woke up, I was just so damn hot. I tried to go through the door but the knob burnt my hand. I couldn’t get to them. I jumped out the window and I’d planned to go around the outside to help them. But about the time I made it outside, the house collapsed. One of the beams caught my shoulder and burnt my skin which is how I got the scar on my back. When I got out, I saw Margaret standing outside. The neighbors next door where she was staying had run outside to try to help. For a minute, I’d forgotten she hadn’t slept at home. I thought it meant we were all safe,” I continue. Now that I’ve started talking, I don’t feel like I can stop.

“I ran to her and held her, and after a few minutes the police and firefighters came up to us. They told us they were so sorry for our loss, and no one else had escaped the fire. Just like that, everything was gone. Our parents, Jake, the house, and every piece of a future we thought we had. The firefighters said there was some faulty wiring to one of the outlets in my parent’s room. It sparked and there was nothing anyone could do. My parents were both only children and our grandparents were all dead. A couple that had gone to church with us were registered foster parents, and they petitioned to have us placed with them.

“They took us in and did what they could. They got us into therapy where I was diagnosed with PTSD. I decided to graduate early so I could start providing for myself, and I got a job at the fire station so I could try to do what I could to keep other people from going through what I went through. I hadn’t touched a football again until I moved to Springside. I promised myself I would just help take care of Margaret and that would be it. I told myself I had too much darkness and too many broken pieces to do anything but go to work and help my sister. But then I met you. And I call you Sunshine because you’ve brought all of this light into my life. But here’s the thing. Eventually, at the end of every day, the sun sets. The darkness comes in and takes over. And if you stay around me, that’s what will happen to you.”

“Theo,” she starts, but I keep talking.

“I haven’t ever talked about this with anyone. I quit going to the therapist after he diagnosed me. I am shit at feelings. But I haven’t slept in the same bed with anyone since. I have night terrors. I have had the same dream every night for the last fourteen years. Sunshine, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I accidentally hurt you,” I say, trying to ignore the tremble in my voice.

“Stop it,” Caroline says, and I am surprised by the fierceness in her tone. “I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you Theo, and I am incredibly honored that you decided to share it with me. But you aren’t broken. You are one of the strongest, most incredible men I know. And I am not gonna sit here and let you talk about yourself like that because, quite frankly, it’s bullshit.”

“Caroline,” I start.

“No, you listen. We are gonna take this slow because I think it’s what we both need. But I want this. I want you, and I want us. If you don’t I understand, but it better as shit not be because you don't think you’re not good enough for me. Is that clear?” she asks.

“Baby, I would be a damn fool not to want you. I want as much of you as you’ll give me. The thought of not having you makes me crazy,” I respond, unable to argue with her when I want her so damn badly.

“So, we’re gonna do this?” she asks looking into my eyes. “We’re gonna be a couple and try this for real? Because if this is just sex, I need you to tell me now.”

“It’s not just sex, Sunshine. If you want me, I am yours,” I respond even though it scares the shit out of me.

“Good,” she says with a smile. “In that case, I am positively exhausted.” She finished the statement with a wink before sliding her shirt off her body and walking toward her bedroom. “Come on, Cowboy. You comin’?”

Hell yeah.

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