Page 44 of When It Burns

I pace the halls where Bear is lying, and he gives me a series of annoyed glances. “Sorry, Bud,” I reply to the dog who lets out a loud sigh and turns away from me.

I feel my phone buzz, and I grab it out to see a text from Caroline.

Caroline: Look what song just came across my Spotify. Thought of you, Cowboy.

Accompanying the text is a picture of a song by Jon Pardi that talks about his girl wearing nothing but a cowboy hat.

Me: I like the way you think, Darlin’

Caroline: Any desire for a repeat performance this weekend? I wouldn’t complain…

Damn, this woman. I am fully convinced no one else could make me smile the way I am grinning at my phone. I am half hard just thinking about wrapping her thighs around my shoulders again while I lick her sweet cunt. I can’t stop thinking about how good it would feel to slide my cock into her wet heat. How good she would look bent over in my bed while I spanked her tight ass for her smart perfect mouth.

I look up to see Huey pulling into the driveway. I pat Bear’s head and walk out the door to sit in his passenger seat while putting my phone in my pocket. Not wanting Huey to know what I was thinking before he pulled up, I decide to text her back once we get to Saddle Ridge.

“Hey Theo,” he greets me before throwing the car in drive and heading down the driveway.

“Hey Huey,” I say before staring out the window. I’d thought I had done the hardest part by agreeing to go, but after a few seconds in the car, I am not sure. What the absolute fuck was I doing?

Huey must feel the anxiety because he doesn’t try to force any small talk in the car. We ride in amicable silence until we reach the Saddle Ridge city limits sign.

As soon as my eyes see the sign, my chest tightens. I try to breathe through it, but the harder I try, the more impossible it seems to be to take a deep breath. I feel Huey’s eyes on me, but I try to focus straight ahead so that he doesn’t ask too many questions. He drives for another minute as I continue to fight with my breathing. He pulls into a church parking lot, and says “We’re here!”

As soon as he says the words, it feels like there’s a hundred-pound weight sitting on my windpipe. I can’t breathe at all. I fight for breath, much like I do in the dreams I keep having. I can feel my body trembling as the panic attack takes root in my body.

“Theo,” Huey says, but he sounds like he’s far away despite the fact that he’s shaking my arm. “Theo, take a breath. Listen, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But don’t forget that asking for help doesn’t make you weak. If you want to go in, don’t let fear stop you. Think about what your family would have wanted. If you had died instead of Jake, would you want him to struggle with this the way you have?”

Just when I was convinced no one could say the right thing to me to pull me out of my panicked state, those words hit me like a lead weight. Thinking over them, I look at Huey and take a minute until I can breathe normally before saying, “Okay then, let’s get this over with.”

* * *

Two hours later,Huey and I are walking back to the truck. After we had gotten inside, it hadn’t been as bad as I expected. In fact, I have to admit I feel lighter than I had before. I’d been shocked at the turnout in the small town. The people had ranged from teenage girls to elderly men, and I had been comforted by the fact that almost everyone my age had talked about their spouses and children.

After the accident, I had become convinced that I could never deserve a life like that, but tonight had opened my eyes a bit. Maybe I could really make this thing with Caroline work.

But the other part of me tonight was sad for all of the people that were walking through similar tragedies as me. It reminded me that we are all truly one split second away from a moment that changes our entire lives.

I hadn’t spoken tonight, preferring to just take everything in. Huey hadn’t left my side and hadn’t forced me to talk. We make the ride back to Spingside in complete silence. I think he’s waiting for me to say something, but I am still processing everything I heard tonight.

He pulls up outside my house, and we both sit in silence. Finally, I say, “Same time next week?”

The older man nods at me and says, “Sure.”

I go to get out of the car but after I open the door, I turn back and say, “And Huey?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” I say, feeling uncomfortable.

The wrinkled skin around his eyes crinkle as he smiles before saying, “Sure thing, son. See you at the game tomorrow night. Let’s get us a win, okay?”

“Yes, sir.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

CAROLINE

There is nothing better than the energy in a small town right before the first kick-off of the year.

---