Page 59 of When It Burns

Taking his advice, I grind my hips up and down as he continues to tug gently on my hair and lightly spank my ass in time with his thrusts. I feel my orgasm building and continue to work my hips against him until I am screaming and coming harder than I ever have in my life. Theo growls, and I feel his cock twitch inside me as he pounds into me before he stills.

After a moment, he slides out of me and helps me stand before pulling me tightly to him and kissing my forehead. I look up at him and can’t help but grin at the satisfied smile on his face. He leans in and brushes a piece of hair that came loose from my braid behind my ear, before dropping a kiss on my lips and whispering, “So damn perfect, Sunshine. So damn perfect.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

THEO

As I am walking out of the stadium Thursday afternoon after practice, I hear my phone ping. Pulling it out of my pocket I check my alerts and see a text from Huey.

Huey: Are we still on for tonight?

Me: Yep, see you in an hour.

After responding to Huey, I jump in the truck and head home. After pulling into the driveway, I make my rounds to check on the animals before heading inside. The cows are content, and the horses are running happily through their pasture. I ignore Petunia as she makes noises at me and makes another attempt to kick down the reinforced fence posts, not having time for her antics today. By the time I make it inside, grab a shower, and fix a sandwich, it’s already time for Huey to pull up.

Margaret isn’t home so I figure she must be with the girls this evening. I feel a tad bit guilty that I’m grateful I don’t have to explain to her where I am going, but I am just not ready for the pity I might see on her face if I tell her. I know she and Caroline would both be supportive, but I am desperate to put that conversation off for as long as possible.

I’m walking outside as I see Huey making his way down the driveway, and I lock up quickly before jumping into his passenger seat.

“Ready, kid?” he asks, and I just nod at him. We ride to Saddle Ridge in silence again this week, and I attempt to ignore the twinge of panic I feel in my chest once again at the knowledge that I am going to have to face my past again tonight,

By the time we pull up in the parking lot, I am a ball of nervous energy. Sensing my mood, Huey looks at me as he puts the car in park and says, “Theo, it’s gonna be okay.”

“Yeah,” I respond, unsure of what to say. “Let’s go.”

Huey just nods at me and we both get out of the car, walking in silence into the old church fellowship hall where the meetings are held. I take a seat in the circle of chairs, and Huey sits beside me. I see a few faces from last week along with the therapist who facilitates the meetings, Mr. Bill. Bill is a middle-aged man who explained last week that he became passionate about helping survivors of PTSD after he returned from Afghanistan in the early 2000s. He decided to leave the military and go back to school for his degree so that he could help other people like him cope.

The meeting starts at seven, and I listen as five or six people close to my age share about their struggles with PTSD. Like last week, I can’t believe how freely they share about their past. But the more I listen to them talk, the more I realize their stories are similar to mine. By the time we get to the end of the meeting, almost everyone else has shared some part of their story, and Bill turns to me. “Theo, do you want to share anything tonight? Obviously, there’s no pressure.”

I open my mouth to decline, but instead hear myself saying, “Yeah, actually I would.”

Huey tries to hide the shock on his face at my declaration, but I catch it before I turn my attention back to Bill. “Well, uh, my name is Theo, and I was diagnosed with PTSD at sixteen after I lost my parents and brother in a house fire. It took less than four minutes for my life to fall apart that night, and I’ve spent the last fourteen years trying to put it back together.”

The group looks at me, and Bill silently nods his encouragement to keep going. “I’ve done everything I can to try to keep from feeling like I felt that night. I’ve shut people out, worked myself like crazy, and convinced myself there’s no way anyone could ever love someone as broken as me. But I’m so damn tired. And recently, I met this woman who deserves the whole damn universe, and I want to give it to her.”

Huey gives me an encouraging smile, and I finish by saying, “I know I am gonna have to work through some shit to be worthy of her, and honestly, it scares the hell out of me. But I have to try.”

I sit and it takes me a minute to realize my hands are shaking while my heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. I breathe through the knot of panic as Bill wraps up the meeting, then Huey and I return to his truck.

We both sit in the truck silently for a few minutes before I look at him and ask, “You have anywhere to be tonight, Huey?”

He shakes his head at me, and I blow out a long sigh. “There’s something I need to do. Can you take me to Clairville?”

Huey doesn’t say anything. He just puts the truck into drive and slowly makes his way out of the parking lot. I try not to focus too hard on where we’re headed, but as we drive, I can feel the familiar grip of anxiety fighting its way up my throat. I breathe as we ride in comfortable silence, Huey seeming to know I am struggling to hold it together.

After thirty minutes, I recognize the familiar “Welcome to Clairville” sign and gulp in another gasp of air. I have avoided the town where I grew up since I moved away years ago, but like most small southern towns, it doesn’t look as if much has changed in my absence. I give Huey one-word directions, telling him to take a right or left until I see it.

Clairville Community Cemetery.

He pulls in and parks where we, once again, sit in silence for what feels like hours. It’s dark outside, and while the area is well lit, it’s also deserted.

“Kid, you don’t have to do this tonight if you don’t want to. We can—” he starts, but I cut him off.

“I haven’t been here since the day we put them in the ground. I need to do this,” I say fiercely, pretending that the thought of stepping foot out of the truck doesn’t make my heart want to beat a million miles a minute.

Huey must see the determination on my face because he just nods at me before saying, “I’m here if you need me, Theo.”

I nod back at him and take a large gulp of air before I open the door and step out. My legs feel like they could collapse under me at any moment, but I continue to take slow steps toward the area where my parents and brother are buried. When I arrive at their tombstones, I fall to my knees on the grass and cry.

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