Page 63 of When It Burns

She nods, and Huey and I run to the exit. When we finally make it to his truck, we both throw open the doors and I blow out a breath. “Huey, you’ve got to explain. What’s going on?”

Huey looks conflicted about how much to tell me before he says, “There was a huge fire tonight. Theo is okay, but one of his guys isn’t. I just got a call that Zach’s gonna pull through, but as soon as Theo heard he was okay, he tore out of the emergency room like a bat out of hell. I don’t know how much you know about his past, but-”

“Just like his parents,” I whisper, cutting Huey off.

He gives me a sad grimace and nods. “But Zach’s okay. And I know Theo hasn’t told you because he thinks it makes him unworthy of your love or some bullshit, but he’s been fighting like hell trying to convince himself he’s worthy of having your love. I’ve been taking him to a support group for PTSD survivors, and he had a real breakthrough last night. But today, he needs you to remind him that he’s not broken.”

I feel a wet drop hit my arm and wipe my face before I realize I am crying. “Do you know where he would go? You said he ran off. How are we going to find him? He isn’t answering the phone.”

“I have an idea. If I’m wrong we will reassess, but I don’t think I am,” Huey says as he turns off towards Clairville. “It’s about a forty-five-minute drive, but I think we can make it in thirty.”

I nod, and we ride in silence. While Huey drives, I think about the way Theo has silently battled his demons for years. For fourteen years, he has shouldered the blame for an accident when his only downfall was that he survived when his family didn’t. As we ride, I decide it ends today. I decide I am going to find a way to make him see himself the way I see him, and if he doesn’t like it then it’s too damn bad.

I’m coming, Cowboy.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

THEO

Isit in front of my parent’s grave in the dark cemetery for the second time in the last twenty-four hours, and I fight the lump in my throat as I try to understand why this keeps happening to me.

It isn’t fair. Zach isn’t supposed to be in the hospital. My parents aren’t supposed to be in the goddamn ground. My brother isn’t supposed to be gone. He was supposed to be the one coaching, not me. What the hell have I been thinking?

And Caroline. What if something happens to her? I’d barely survived the other tragedies with my sanity intact. If something happens to her, I’d-

My thoughts are interrupted by a truck flying into the cemetery. I look at the white Ford and recognize it immediately—Huey.

I blow out a breath knowing I should have figured that he would find me. I am grateful for his concern, but I am not ready for him to tell me it’s okay.

I open my mouth to tell him to leave me alone, but before I can get the words out, his passenger door opens. A flash of brunette hair in the headlights is all I see before Caroline jumps into my arms, almost taking me down with the force of her hug.

“Cowboy, what are you doing here?” she asks, and I can see the absolute terror my disappearance caused her. I ignore the twinge of guilt in my gut and brush a stray piece of hair out of her face.

“Sunshine, you should be at the game,” I tell her, ignoring her question.

“I could say the same thing to you, Theo,” she says as her eyes blaze.

“There was an accident, and I-” I start but she interrupts me.

“I know what happened to Zach. But what happened to you?” she asks. I feel my chest tighten, as I try to figure out how to answer her question.

“Look, Cowboy, I am gonna talk for a minute and you are going to listen. Clear?” she says. It was phrased as a question, but her tone left no room for argument. Instead, I just nod at her and try to focus on my breathing.

“I know you think you can control the whole world and everyone in it, but Theo, you aren’t Superman. And what happened tonight is no more your fault than your parent’s death. Did you start that fire at that house tonight?” she asks as her eyes blaze with ferocity.

“Did you tell Zach he had to work tonight? Did you ask for him to get hurt? Better yet, did you ask to lose your parents?” she continues, and all I can do is shake my head at her.

“Right, of course, you didn’t. And Cowboy, I am so sorry all of those things happened, but they aren’t your fault. Sometimes the perfect life you envisioned for yourself is just an illusion. Sometimes our life really is pretty close to perfect but fires come and we can’t stop them. When it all burns down, all that matters are the ones standing beside us helping us rebuild. I don’t know much, but Theo, I know this— when it all burns down, there’s no one else in the world I want beside me.”

I look at her and struggle to breathe. My heart attempts to slow down to a more normal pace, and I reach for her, needing to feel her close to me.

“Caroline, I don’t deserve you. I’ll be damned if I ever let you go, but if I was a better man I would. I came here last night and promised my parents I wouldn’t ever let fear keep me from living, but damn if I didn’t end up right back here less than twenty-four hours later,” I tell her.

“Theo, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid—it just means you care. We aren’t afraid to lose things we don’t value. It’s how we handle that fear that matters.”

I think about her words and realize she’s right. She must see it on my face because she moves closer and wraps her arms around me. “I’m here Theo. If you want this, just don’t shut me out. I love you.” My heart stops, and once again, I find myself struggling to breathe. She must recognize the shock on my face because she starts to ramble, “You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you—”

“I love you too,” I whisper, cutting her off as I hold her face in my hand.

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