Page 32 of Forever After Never

Autumn

During an afternoon and evening of avoiding Sawyer in the same way you would avoid the plague, I got to know his family. Oliver and Lottie are adorable together. Oliver looksnothinglike his brothers. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a beautiful man, but he doesn’t have the caveman chic of his other two brothers. He is forty years old. Muscular and clean-shaven, with dark blonde, shoulder-length hair, scraped back into a man-bun, and green eyes. It seems that the rough genes were distributed solely between Sawyer and Carter, and then Oliver got the traditionally beautiful genes. He looks like a surfer, whereas Sawyer and Carter look like America’s most wanted. Oliver looks at Lottie as though she is the only reason he can breathe. Lottie looks at him the same way.

She is drop-dead gorgeous. Thirty-four, Petite, with dirty blond hair cascading down her back. She is ethereal and stands at five-foot-two. Lottie is a Pilates instructor, so natural she’s athletic, and it seems incredibly unfair that she is also acomplete sweetheart. There is no hidden agenda with Lottie. It seems that what you see is what you get. Their daughter, Poppy, is adorable. Clumsy, cute, and with a full head of soft blonde curls, a little button nose, and rosy cheeks. Lottie and Oliver are going to have their hands full with her when she gets older. The sass that comes out of her mouth at four years old is nothing short of hilarious.

Lottie and Poppy keep Oliver on his toes, that's for sure. According to Claudia, Lottie does not take any shit from him. It is hilarious that a five-foot-fuck-all babe completely commands her six-foot-three husband. Oliver is the tallest of the brothers and the least built; don’t get me wrong, he is built. However, he looks like a teenage boy compared to his brothers.

I feel a pang of longing when looking at Oliver, Lottie, and Poppy together. As much as I try to tell myself that I didn’t want or need a boyfriend, Sawyer entered my life, and everything changed. He came into my life in the most unexpected way. He asserted himself so aggressively into my life that I thought he would never leave. Sawyer made me fall for him, and for that, I hate him. Everything I didn’t even know I wanted may have been taken away from me before I was able to fully enjoy it.

Carter is the same height as Sawyer– six-foot-two. Thirty-two years old. There is a thirteen-year age gap between Sawyer and Carter. Claudia and Frank explained that Carter was an unplanned pregnancy, but they were over the moon, even though Sawyer was thirteen, Lainey was ten and Ollie was eight. Carter is tall, hench, and the sunshine version of his brother. Although they are not twins, they very much could be. He is gorgeous. But where Sawyer is the dark, Carter is the light. He tells me that he is a scout who goes to high schools and is looking for the best athletes for colleges. He plays ice hockey for a beer league team. He is very serious about his game, even though he goes to have fun. I promise to come to see him play, as he playsfor the Saltern Glass, which is only the next town over to Pine Harbour. I make a note to bring Alice with me too. We have never been to a hockey game, but if I must suffer, so does she. This man is adorable, and I’d have a hard time saying no to seeing him play. It would make me feel like I’d kicked a puppy.

As the evening air hits, Frank lights the firepit and grabs blankets from inside the house.

What can I even say about Claudia and Frank? They are gorgeous together. Frank is tall, like his sons. The boys absolutely didn’t get their height from Claudia. Claudia and Frank are both sixty-five. Frank is an Army Veteran, and they had a whirlwind romance. Apparently, they met as eighteen-year-olds, married a year later, and then Claudia gave birth to Sawyer a year after that. They were twenty when they had their first child. Frank spent a long time away from home, and Claudia did it all by herself. I am in awe of her. They are still so in love with each other, forty-seven years after meeting. They hold hands and kiss when they think nobody is looking, and they giggle together like lovesick teens. It is about the cutest thing I have ever seen.

Lottie put Poppy to bed a few hours ago, and we've all been chatting together for most of the afternoon and evening. This must be what it feels like to be part of a family that truly loves each other. A wave of tiredness washes over me, and I excuse myself to go to bed.

“Thank you so much for the best day. I need to take myself to bed now. I’ve got to prepare for my day with you two tomorrow,” I gesture toward Claudia and Lottie. “I think you’ll both give me a run for my money!” I stand, and the blanket falls from around my shoulders. Taking it, I fold it into a neat pile and put it back on the chair.

“You know we will, honey! Sawyer, take Autumn to bed.” Everyone laughs at Claudia’s phrasing. I am fairly sure that was deliberate on her part.

“You don’t need to tell me twice,” Sawyer replies to Claudia.

I roll my eyes at him.

Walking into the bathroom, I brush my teeth and take my makeup off. I drag on some bed shorts and a tee. Not knowing where I stand with Sawyer and not wanting to add any confusion, I think covering up for bed is the best option. I regard myself in the mirror and realize that I look so sad. I hope this hasn’t been obvious all day because I truly had the loveliest day with Sawyer’s family. It felt as though I had always been there and that I’d known them for years, not a few short hours.

I fall into bed, ready to sleep. However, when Sawyer gets in bed next to me, in nothing but his boxers, the familiarity of his body pricks at my senses. I dramatically roll over to face the wall while he moves closer to me, the heat radiating from his body.

He’s physically closer to me than he ever has been –this is a small bed– but he feels even further away on an emotional level.

I must protect myself, and withdrawing from his figurative grip is the only way I know how.

“Autumn. Please look at me.” As though my body refuses to listen to my brain, I turn to face him and grant his request.

“God damn it, Autumn. Look at you. I cannot keep away from you.” Sawyer reaches out to brush a stray hair away from my face. Brushing his thumb over my cheek, he says to me, “I’m sorry that I made you feel sad.”

“I’m not sad. I’m angry,” I interject.

“Very well then, I’m sorry that I made you feel angry.” Well, now he’s opened a can of worms because Autumn Andrews does not go to bed on an argument.

“I’m angry because this is entirely your doing. I’m angry because I wanted nothing to do with you, and you forced yourself into my life.”

“That, right there, is absolute bullshit,” he snarls at me, and I know that I’ve clearly hit a nerve.

“Excuse me? How is that bullshit?”

“You wanted me as much as I wanted you. If you say anything different, then you are lying to yourself and everyone else.” He’s right. I absolutely know he is, but keeping myself at a proverbial safe distance is all I have left to hold on to.

“I saw how you looked at me, Autumn. We didn’t meet in the most traditional way, but that is always going to be us. Nothing about us will ever be traditional. Don’t fucking lie to yourself. It’s embarrassing.”

Oh great – now he is trying to poke the bear.

“Fuck you, Sawyer,” is all I’ve got in response. I turn to face the wall once again, and he presses himself into my back. An obvious bulge pressing into my ass.

“I saw the way you looked at me that day. I see the fire in your eyes every time we are near each other.” He breathes into the sensitive skin of my neck, and my body tingles. “I hear every time you moan, and I hear when you scream my name every damn time I make you come. Don’t think I ever miss the glimmer of excitement that dances across your eyes when I wrap my hand around your throat.” And he reaches out to do just that. He grabs me gently around the neck, and my pussy floods. His calloused fingers must feel the fluttering of my heartbeat because Sawyer leans down and peppers my neck and shoulder with kisses. With his hand still entwined around the column of my throat, he growls into my ear, “Tell me you don’t wantthis. Tell me to leave you alone, and I’ll stop.” Of course, I say nothing.

I am drawn to him like I am a moth, and he is the flame. There is nothing that could keep us apart. Even if Sawyer can’t give me what I need, I am a slave to his hotness now. It feels like nothing could break us apart, even if we aren’t ever officially together.

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