Page 34 of Forever After Never

Alice: Give it time. No sane man could say no to those tits.

Me *eye-roll emoji* You’re hilarious.

Iopen my eyes to bright sunshine. Rolling over in bed, I am greeted by the empty space behind me. Sawyer must have left the room a while ago. It isn’t early – ten am. I must have slept like the dead. I stay in bed for a few minutes, wiggling my extremities. My fingers are numb from being pressed against the wall all night. As the feeling starts to return, I swing my legs over the side of the bed to be greeted by fluffy slippers. They aren’t mine, but I think they were put here for me. Putting my foot to the floor, I’m beyond grateful that someone put these here for me. The wood floor is cold, and walking around barefoot doesn’t seem like something I want to do, given that the floor has the temperature of an ice rink. I slip on the fluffy footwear and stand from the bed. The chill of the room pricks at my thighs, and I rub the tops of my legs. I feel at home here, which is surprising, seeing that I only set foot in this house yesterday. Opening the bedroom door, I make my way down the hallway. The slippers dull the sound of my feet, and I am painfully aware that nobody is conscious of my presence as I hear a conversation between Sawyer and his mom.

“Oh, Son. She’s lovely. You do know that, don’t you?” I am stuck halfway between wanting to stay here listening and wanting to make myself known. Of course, the nosey part of me wins.

“I know. Why do you think I brought her here?” Sawyer’s reply is marred.

“Well, it seems to me like you brought her here to piss her off!” I laugh internally. I like Claudia.

“It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that that girl was completely furious with you. I don’t need to know the ins and outs of what happened. In fact, I don’t want to. But…”

“Stop meddling, Mom. Please stop.”

“You know, I only want you to be happy, and let me tell you. I have not seen you this happy for, well.. a long time. She is the first girl you’ve brought to meet us since Nicole.”

“Don’t talk about Nicole. I don’t want to talk about Nicole,” he spits out the words like he’s trying to spit out poison.

“You never want to talk about Nicole, and that is the problem. You have so much to give, and you let something that happened ten years ago dictate what you do today. Answer me this. Why did you bring Autumn here?” It’s as if Claudia can read my mind because I’ve been wondering this myself.

“I brought her here because she is special, and I knew you’d like her.”

“You’re right, Sawyer. She is special, and you know that special women don’t hang around for long. Don’t lose something right in front of you for something that happened a decade ago. She’s a good one. I just know it.”

“I can’t trust her.” His voice sounds so dejected. The pain of what he says hits me square in the chest. I can't believe he doesn't trust me. I am heartbroken. How could he not trust me? All the air leaves my lungs, and my shoulders sag.

“Wrong. Youcantrust her; you’rechoosingnot to trust her.” I like Claudia more with every moment.

“What if it happens again?” I hear his voice break this time. “I don’t think I could fix myself again.” I feel so in sync with himthat tears prick at my eyes and threaten to fall. I blink fast and hard to prevent them from rolling onto my cheeks.

“But what if it doesn’t happen again? And honey, you know as well as me that you didn’t fix yourself last time either.”

I don’t think I have ever cried like I have since I met Sawyer. I thought it made me weak, but I realize it’s because I care about his feelings, and I have someone for the first time ever.A someone, that I am terrified to lose. So, in place of the tough exterior I have worn for the last thirty years - tears, worry, grief, joy, and anguish take its place. I’ve eavesdropped on this conversation for too long. I quietly shuffle back up the hallway so I can restart the day by pretending I hadn’t heard the conversation that Sawyer was having with his Mum.

At eleven thirty, I am almost ready for boozy brunch with Claudia and Lottie. Wearing my hair in a high ponytail, with a full face of makeup, I force my jeans up over my thighs, painfully aware of the effort it takes to get skin-tight jeans over thighs and an ass like mine. I look at the roll of my belly and think momentarily about changing into something that will hide my body. But fuck that because I look cute as hell today. I tuck my t-shirt into the waistband of my jeans and sling on some white high-top trainers.

Frank, Sawyer, Carter, Oliver, and Poppy are staying at the house for the day. One of Claudia’s friends is dropping us at the bar, and I am looking forward to a carefree afternoon of getting to know the girls better.

Walking into the living room, Frank lets out a low whistle and says,

“Well, well, well, look at you ladies. You all look wonderful today. Are you going out to break some hearts now?”

“That’s the plan!” I reply cheerfully.

Sawyer looks as hot as hell today. Sitting in the armchair in grey sweats and a black tee, his legs are spread wide. I cannothelp it as my gaze drops to his crotch, knowing full well what sits behind the cotton of his pants. I lick my bottom lip as he casually drinks his coffee and smirks at me when he realizes I am unashamedly checking out his dick. The space between his thighs is so inviting. I’d quite happily put my face between those thighs. Luckily for me, nobody else can see me staring at this absolute sex god and can’t read my thoughts. I would definitely be locked up for the mental images currently going through my head.

“You really do look good today,” Sawyer breaks my train of thought by saying something nice.

“Thanks,” Is all I can manage back as I tuck a stray hair behind my ear and rock on the balls of my feet. I feel so awkward after hearing Sawyer talking to his mom this morning. I know I shouldn’t have listened, but I couldn’t help it. He is so much more vulnerable than he would have people believe.

“Have fun. Don’t lead my mom and Lottie too far astray.” Sawyer gets up from the chair and crosses the room to give me a hug. Then whispers in my ear.

“I’m going to miss you today, Autumn. Be good. I’ll find out if you’re not.”

I die. R.I.P. me. I am deceased.

I grab my jacket, and we head towards the front door.

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