Page 50 of Forever After All

I stroke Alice's back as she sleeps next to me, her long legs tangled with my own. She looks so peaceful and so consumed by sleep. She stirs a little, and I pull the blanket up over her shoulders, not wanting to cover her deity like body, but wanting to keep her in sleep for as long as possible.

"Shh, it's still early, princess. Go back to sleep."

Friends with benefits fucking sucks. Zero out of ten. Do not fucking recommend. At all.

Chapter 25

Alice

Ikeep my eyes closed for as long as possible, because I know when I open them things will feel so different. I flex my fingers a little and realise I must have remained in the same position most of the night, draped across his thighs.

Carter told me he loved me, and those words are out there swirling around in the air because I didn't take hold of them and say it back.

Autumn told me not to break his heart while trying to fix my own, and as the fear of being loved became visible on my face, I felt Carter despond in front of me. The look on his face when I became scared broke my heart, so I can only imagine what it did to him.

I love him. I think I've loved him for a while. I think I've loved him since the first night we slept together in my apartment. The feeling of safety he gave me at a time when I felt so unprotected as I shook in his arms, I will never forget. I didn't think I'd ever beready to talk about what happened to me, but Carter plucked the words right out of my mouth without trying.

I can't have him think that I don't care, because I do.

"It's not because I don't care, Carter." I don't open my eyes but I talk to the room, rather than him.

I feel him shift a little beneath me.

"I care. So much," I tell him as he rubs my hair and urges me back to sleep.

"We don't have to talk about this now, Alice. It's still early. You've got a big day. Sleep some more. I'll wake you when it's time."

I ignore him and continue to speak, because I know if I don't say this now, I’ll struggle to say it later. "I just can't tell you I love you when I hate someone else so much that it devours every bit of me." The struggle I felt saying those words was uncomfortable.

"I told you that you don't need to say it back. Why are we talking about this?" Still pressed against his leg, his voice runs down his body and shakes my eardrum. Carter squeezes my shoulder gently, and I prop myself up on my elbows and look down at my naked body.

"Oh, wow," I say to myself, seeing the small fingerprint bruises on my chest. Touching my skin, I lightly brush my fingers over the places that Carter's were last night, then I twistaround a little, trying to get a better view of my very tender butt. Red outlines of his fingers still etched into my skin. "You got me good, huh?"

"Are you okay?" he asks as he watches me examining my body and reaches down to rub my sensitive breast.

"I'm fine, I promise," I reply as he squeezes my right breast so gently. "Besides"—I look up at him—"every time I catch sight of myself in the mirror, I'm going to think of you." And I grin at him a little, before pulling myself up to sit next to him once again.

"Fucking hell, Alice," he groans into the nape of my neck. "You're killing me here." His dick hardens a little.

"Sorry," I say, genuinely not intending to make him horny. "Hey…listen to me?" I ask.

"Sure," he replies, still rubbing my skin.

"After today, things are going to besodifferent. Just one more horrible day to get through."

He smiles at me but doesn't say anything. He doesn't believe me, I can tell.

I’m sincerely excited for Danny's burial today. However fucked up that might make me. I know it sounds sick, but I have some things to say to my ex, and without fear of being hurt, that's exactly what I'll do.

I ran back to my dark, cold hotel room this morning, grabbing Carter's t-shirt to cover myself. He dragged me out of my room last night wearing nothing but lingerie, and there are people walking up and down the hallway this morning.

As much as I am confident in my body, I can't say I want to flash my hotel neighbours either.

I grab my things and head back to my room where I pull out a long-sleeved, curve-hugging black dress from my case and some nude flats.

After showering, and drying myself off with a towel the size of a postage stamp, I dress myself and do my makeup in the bathroom mirror.

I'm averycurvy girl and sometimes struggle a little more than others, but I often wonder who these towels are made for. Even my daintiest, tiniest friends wouldn't be able to wrap themselves in hotel towels, and they do nothing for your confidence.

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