Page 54 of Ellie 1

For now. Especially when we were short-staffed now.

“I was also talking to Ha-joon about…” Carla burst out laughing. “Oh, Ellie, you look like you’re going to maul me each time I say his first name. That’s why I’m dying. Fuck, go get some wolf action. I’mall for youbeing treated well by the pup who is all about you too. I promise I’m not in the running or way.”

I flinched at what she said. Did I really act like that? Have that reaction?

Probably.

I sighed, mentally telling myself to get my shit together. “It’s all the stress. I’ve never been jealous in my life. I didn’t even realize that…”

Carla got serious. “It means it’s something that could be real or your feelings are. Go jump the Alpha wolf and have fun. If anyone here deserves some damn fun, it’syou, darling.”

I ignored what she said and focused back on work, but it was rattling around in the back of my mind.

Hewas.

The day things blew up with the board and Joel Warren tried to grab power and take me out, Dr. Clark left flowers at my door encouraging me. I simply stared at them and the card for several minutes once I was inside my condo.

Tommy would never have done something like this even when we were… Whatever we were. He would snuggle up to me and subtly tear into everything I’d done and make me doubt myself. He was never supportive. Ever.

Why had it really taken me so long to realize it?

Because it was what I was used to. It was what I’d grown up with, and even after surrounding myself with good people I could trust… I never really did. I never fully let them in—even Alan who I trusted most in the world.

I still always kept my armor on after how I’d grown up and the pain I’d suffered.

Before and after running from my family.

The flowers confused me but also set me free in a way. I was hanging onto the fallout of Tommy announcing us having been together and I wanted to be healthier than that.

But I didn’t know how. I was too stunted and manipulated to figure out anything this complicated. Or at least complicated for me.

Which was why I did something completely unlike me.

I reached out for help from someone I wanted to trust but always kept at arm’s length. She did as well, but after a decade working together, she had never shown to be anything but an ally.

And I needed that right then. Not a friend who might tell me what I wanted to hear, but someone on my side and who wanted what was best for me.

Me: I apologize for bothering you in your rare free time from the hospital, but I find myself conflicted personally and not sure how to handle the situation. If you have a moment to speak—off the record—I would appreciate it.

Dr. Renee Bass: Give me five minutes to finish bath time with the kids and I’m all yours.

Dr. Renee Bass: Be proud of yourself for reaching out for help. That’s the hardest part and one we struggle with as women being told we should be able to handle everything in our lives and more than is logical.

I blinked at the phone and sniffed, feeling seen and knowing I’d made the right choice. She was the right choice to reach out to because she was—there was a reason she was the head of Psychology and Mental Wellness at one of the best hospitals in our world.

She proved that again when after our greetings she already knew what I was struggling with. “You weren’t in a real,committed relationship in your head, but you’re realizing it was a relationship. One that was toxic and emotionally abusive and you don’t know what to do about that.”

It wasn’t really a question, but I confirmed it for her. “Yes.”

“I know you well enough that reaching out wasn’t your first step. What have you done so far?” She was pleased to hear about my turning Saturday nights into self-care spa night. “That’sveryhealthy, Ellie. Mentally and emotionally. I wish I’d been so mature to focus on myself after getting out of a toxic relationship when I was young like you.”

I swallowed a snort. She was one of the few who saw me as young. The witch was over a thousand years old, so three hundred and forty-five years old was younger to her.

“You’re taking the proper steps while you’re underwaytoo much stress, and kudos to you for tagging in new help like Beth and Gerald. Amazing move and—you’re doing better than you think. I promise. Now, there is no right answer, but you want more progress and feel like you’re stalling out, right?”

“Yes,” I agreed after a few moments of thought.

“Good. That’s normal. We all need a push to be healthy and have support. It takes a coven to raise a child but also keep us in line and well.” She gave me a moment to absorb that and I needed it. “If it was me—and I have done this as the next step—I would get rid of everything that reminded me of him. Not in anger, but be done with it.

---