Page 68 of Ellie 1

And I needed to accept that it was because of me. Not them. Not Ellie who had always been there for me even when apparently she knew I was sleeping with half of the hospital.

I went home and got sauced. I used my magic to sober up so I could keep drinking. I had no idea what to do, but about three in the morning, I sent my uncle a text.

Me: You’re right and it’s me. I’ve become Father. I didn’t mean to. I want help and to fix this. I swear I’m telling you the truth, Uncle Justin. If you give me the path, I will fix this and make you not regret giving me a chance. I cannot become Father.

Tears burned in my eyes as I sent it.

Me: And Ellie wasn’t about money. It hit me during my drive. She was the first person to accept the flaws and tell me that we were all flawed. I saw her as a companion. The money and security of mating came later. I swear it. I don’t know if I’m able to love but she—my feelings were real. I didn’t mean to hurt her. Never scare her. I want help.

And then I spent the next couple of hours coming up with plans and ideas. I found something that I thought might be the ticket and shine some good PR on ASH after I’d made a mess.

Coven Leader: Good. I want to believe you, Tommy. I do. I want to see the boy who used to be polite and treat women well. I’ll give you the chance to fix this, but if you break my trust—you’re out. Quit ASH. Leave Atlanta. I can’t risk your cousins’ futures because you turned out like your dad. I’m their father and family too.

Me: I found something that could help. I’ll see you at the meeting. I won’t embarrass you today and will work to fix this. I can’t promise not to make mistakes again, but I—I heard you.

Coven Leader: I’m glad. Don’t be late.

I wasn’t. I was fifteen minutes early and made sure to meet Uncle Justin outside and show him the way to Alan’s office.

The rage in Alan’s eyes when we were let in his office made me flinch. “I took this meeting against my better judgment because your coven leader assured me that he would get through to you. I want you in jail and your license gone from what you did Saturday, boy, so if I sense any bullshit from you, that’s where this ends.”

“Seriously, what did you do to Ms. Reed on Saturday?” Uncle Justin bit out.

“It’s my fault,” I blurted. “Please, Alan, I wasn’t this guy when I was hired. I’m sorry. I realized—I got lost in my head and—it’s me.” That seemed to settle him some and he allowed us to sit. “I need you to know I did see Ellie for more than—”

“Don’t you even say herfucking nameafter all you’ve done to her!” Alan warned as he slammed his desk hard enough that I thought it would crack.

I swallowed loudly and nodded but still met his pissed gaze. “I did have real feelings for her. The money was security and…” I wiped my tears when they formed, shocking both of them. “I became my horrible father. I don’t know how or when, but last night I realized I had no one to call. I was him, and I’d spent so much time trying to be better than him…”

I wiped more tears as they sat there in shock. I cleared my throat and put a file on Alan’s desk.

“Asia wants to focus on their trauma responses after the earthquake. It’s the third one they’ve had that did damage in six years, I think. But they don’t have the right personnel in place. For all of my flaws—and I’m seeing more that they’re many—I’m a good teacher. I’m good with the interns and residents. I teach well.”

Alan’s nostrils flared as he let out a slow breath and picked up the file. “Yeah, the ones you don’t fuck.”

I winced. “I still taught them well before I was an idiot.” I swallowed loudly. “And I would like your referral for a therapist. Not here. But you have contacts all over. There has to be—”

“I want you gone,” Alan growled. “Not reformed and helped, you piece of shit.”

“Please, Al—Dr. Carpenter.” I didn’t see at first that he was pissed that I’d used his first name.

“Look, I’m not forgiving his behavior. I agree that he needs punishment and penance,” Uncle Justin cut in. “Butgiven his high-stress job—things can spiral quickly. I’m also a bit annoyed I wasn’t informed until this exploded so majorly and embarrassed my coven.”

Alan’s harsh gaze landed on him and he curled his lip. “He’s a grown fucking adult. If you try to turn this around on Ellie then—”

“I’m not,” Uncle Justin said firmly. “I’m not. She’s the victim.” He gestured between himself and Alan. “I’m blamingus. I should have checked in better. Adult or not, that’s our way. And you’re his boss. I understand the board tied your hands, but Ms. Reed made the right move coming to me. You could have too.”

Alan let out a slow breath. “You’re not wrong, but I find the supe leaders don’t really care until it’s a problem that makes them look bad. I’ll take note you feel differently and we can approach you if there’s a problem with magics at ASH again.”

“I would appreciate it. Not every time someone is late, but clearly this wasn’t the case and he needed to be smacked out of his headspace by someone outside of the situation.” Uncle Justin sighed when Alan didn’t respond. “He can’t be the first surgeon with too big of britches and unable to see past what was his surgical field, right?”

“No, he’s not the first, and you’re right surgeons get the most tunnel vision,” Alan accepted. “And therapy for all of them to check in once or twice a month isn’t a bad idea either.” Alanfocused on me. “Are you saying this all started after you lost a patient or—”

“I’m not here to make excuses,” I cut in. “I don’t know. I don’t know when I went from the guy who saw her as someone who understood me to apparently the guy who emotionally abused her and tore her down. I still don’t see that part. I have the highest opinion of her, so I just…” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “No excuses. I just want to fix it.”

“She won’t take you back!” he snarled.

“I didn’t mean that,” I whispered, staring down at my hands. “I meant fix my life and my fucked head.” I swallowed loudly and felt more tears. “Yeah, I’ll have to accept she won’t be my happily ever after and I did that. I… It was what I saw for so long that it doesn’t sound real that we won’t end up together.”

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