Page 13 of The Truth of Loving You

I hadn’t admired it in forever and had forgotten the beauty of the city. The modern apartment had suited Paxton’s taste with a huge island separating the living room and the kitchen. Our bedroom and guest room were down the hall to the left of the living room with another set of rooms off a hallway from the kitchen.

After a few minutes of watching him admire the skyline, I pointed to the couch. “Sit.” Shane grumbled but planted his ass on a cushion. I filled a glass with ice water and handed it to him. “Drink this.”

I watched his eyes dilate, giving me a rush. I hated how much I wanted Shane.

But he politely set the glass on a coaster and folded his hands in his lap, avoiding eye contact with me. “Let’s not make this more awkward than it already is. I’ve had enough for today. Point me toward the spare bedroom you promised, and tomorrow, if you get me an Uber, I will Venmo you the cost. We can forget all about the milk-tastrophe, and you can save your breath on why my attraction to you is a misguided faux pas and not reciprocated.” After a beat of silence he said, “Please.”

He wasn’t wrong.

Fighting my temptation proved harder than almost anything else I’d done in my life, which is why I’d intended to tell him all the reasons we shouldn’t act on our attraction. Now, that seemed like kicking an injured puppy. But I brought him here with an idea of how to help him, so at the very least, I had to stop acting like a dick.

“Milk-tastrophe.” As I laughed, his shoulders relaxed, and I wanted more of that. “I thought you finance guys didn’t believe in payment apps.”

Shane’s head snapped up, all his angled features set in a fierce grimace. “Oh, I don’t have the app. My meddling sister is paying for it before I murder her.”

I threw my hands up with my palms facing him. “No more details, I want plausible deniability of any criminal acts. These tattoos already make me a suspect.”

Shane’s chuckle sent relief through me as he sank into the sofa his body going limp. “Why me?” he groaned.

“Shane,” I started hesitantly, enjoying the sight of him relaxed. He threw a hand up to stop me, so I added, “I won’t give you a speech. I promise.”

He squinted at me in disbelief.

“How much have you had to drink tonight?” I had to make sure he didn’t regret answering my questions.

“I’m going to assume you don’t count soda as drinking.” Shane rested his head on the back of the sofa so his eyes were on the ceiling.

Every time this guy opened his mouth, I wanted to know more. No one goes to a gay bar to pick up men for the first time sober.

“Listen, from what you said,” I began, and Shane’s furious expression almost stopped me, but I continued. “You were surprised to be attracted to a man, and now you’re confused. I think I can help with that.”

Shane raised an eyebrow and remained uncharacteristically quiet. At Unframed Art and tonight, he rambled until all the thoughts in his head were out of his mouth.

“First, I want to thank you for trusting me with that information.”

“It’s not a big deal.” His expressive face seemed genuine, which I found unbelievable.

“It’s a very big deal. To realize it and then to tell someone.” Pretty Boy had been so honest with me that I owed him the same. “When we were teens, Paxton kissed me, and I didn’t speak to him for two years,” I said, and Shane bolted upright. “But the worst part–I bullied him and threatened to out him.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Shane said, his intense brown eyes holding no judgment.

“You should know that you’re handling it much better than I did. And you can ask me if you have questions. This is a no-shame zone.” My hand waved to include all of my apartment.

It took me a long time to forgive myself for the pain I’d caused Pax in our teens. He’d told me that regret was a wasted emotion and to focus on the future.

Shane sat on the edge of the cushion, and his knee started bouncing again. I didn’t touch him, but the desire to calm his restlessness took me by surprise. I’d never experienced such a powerful attraction to another man. I loved Pax as my friend first, so there wasn’t this sexual tension. The pull toward Shane felt so right that it was definitely wrong.

“It’s not that I’m ashamed.” His face was thoughtful. “I did an overall analysis of my feelings about boys and men and didn’t find any evidence that I was attracted to them. The odds of latent bisexual feelings are very, very low. Usually, a person has repressed their feelings and can identify them in hindsight. I cannot. I don’t understand it.”

“No one else?” The caveman in me loved the fact that Shane wasn’t attracted to any other guys, and I couldn’t resist the clarification.

I’m an asshole.

Pretty Boy shook his head and bit his lip. I wanted to be the one biting his lip—that was ridiculous. “It’s weird, right?” his soft voice pleaded for understanding.

I shrugged, hoping to coax him into understanding even bigger things about himself. “Weird is the new normal. At least you didn’t try to punch me. The first night we met, I was in no condition to defend myself. You could’ve done some serious damage.”

Shane’s eyes widened, but his leg stopped bouncing. “So you do remember me from that night. You never confirmed.” He picked up the water but didn’t drink. “No one has ever appreciated that I did not inflict physical harm on them. I think that is highly underrated.” Shane finally took a sip of water.

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