Page 19 of The Truth of Loving You

I already like Shane too much, and the way he looked at me made me think he felt the same. We both knew it didn’t matter.

The thought startled me. Shane differed vastly from anyone I’d met since Paxton’s death. He didn’t shy away from acknowledging Pax or the impact his death had on me. I stared out at the skyline wishing I was a different man.

I jerked awake and heard a muffled cry. The sky, striped with the colors of dawn, indicated it was still early. Shane sounded distressed as I stumbled toward his room. My body hadn’t caught up with being awake.

The light from the hall cast into the pitch-dark room. Shane was tangled in the covers moaning and thrashing in the throes of a nightmare. I cautiously sat on the edge of the bed and softly called his name. When he didn’t respond, I rubbed his leg and said his name repeatedly, getting slightly louder each time.

Shane eased out of his nightmare, whimpering, and then his eyes popped open.

“It’s me. Cole.” I kept my voice low. “You were having a nightmare.”

Shane drew in a ragged breath. “Sorry to wake you.” He sat up and moved out of my reach. “It happens sometimes. Nothing to worry about.”

“Tonight was a lot. For both of us,” I confessed. “Are you okay with what happened? Any regrets?” His regret would make it easier for me to let him walk out and never see him again. I’m an asshole.

“No regrets.” Shane sighed.

My eyes were adjusting to the dark enough to make out his features. His brain was working overtime. Overtime on top of overtime from the looks of it. I reached out for his leg again, but he flinched. Maybe I needed to touch him more than he needed me.

“Tonight isn’t over,” I hedged, itching to do some of the things I’d found in my search online. I was the fucking epitome of bad decisions.

Shane’s mouth turned down. “I think that would be pushing the boundaries of the word ‘night.’”

“Okay, but when I promised you a night, I meant it doesn’t end until it’s time for you to leave.” Hell was too good for me. I was playing with fire and I didn’t care. “I did some research about how to shut your brain off.”

Shane remained silent, unmoving.

“Do you trust me?” I whispered so low I wondered if he’d heard. Maybe it would be better if he hadn’t. That was a lie; my body was already responding to our proximity.

Shane’s chin tipped up almost defiantly. “I do.”

I shifted so I sat against the headboard and switched on the dim bedside lamp. As much as I wanted to know if this would help Shane, I craved it.

He was right. Something new had been unlocked in me. I didn’t know how to handle it, or if I could deny it after tonight. But I had to know if it was a fleeting desire or more.

“Come here.” I hauled Shane into my lap, getting off on his compliance. My hands roamed over his back and shoulders, feeling his protruding shoulder blades and the ridges of his spine. “I want to see if I can shut down all your thoughts. Will you let me?”

Shane nodded, and it felt like both of us were on a fragile ledge on the brink of collapse.

Chapter nine

Cole

“Youcantrustme,”I said, unsure if I was convincing him or myself as I removed his shirt and pulled off his shorts. Shane remained loose and pliant as I stretched him across my lap face down. Miles and miles of smooth skin begged to be touched. If I had more time, I’d explore every dip and curve with my tongue. He rested his head on his hands; his face not visible to me.

My fingers speared through his hair, already in disarray from sleep. My other hand skimmed over his firm ass. The man filled out a pair of pants, but naked, his ass was a perfectly firm rounded muscle. As eager as I was, I took my time enjoying the feel of his body.

“I want to put you in subspace again like at my shop,” I said before delivering a sharp strike on his ass.

Shane jerked but made no sound as I rubbed the red spot I’d created. Damn. My handprint on his ass—incredible.

I fell into a rhythm of strikes and caresses. At first, Shane’s body stiffened, but then he began to rock back into the blows. I’d never considered my hand an erogenous zone, but the heat on my palm went straight to my cock. I understood Shane’s fear of addiction to this.

Shane would occasionally let out a hum of satisfaction. All my focus was on him. Nothing else mattered.

By the time Shane’s cheeks were bright red, I felt calmer than I had in years. All the guilt and regret had been wiped away. Shane and I existed in a bubble of contentment. Neither of us was able to rouse ourselves from the blissed-out comfort.

But eventually, goosebumps broke out over Shane, and he shivered. I eased him off my lap and threw a blanket over him.

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