Page 29 of The Truth of Loving You

“I never experienced the need to sexually dominate someone until you. And now it’s a need that won’t be shoved back in a box. It wasn’t about power, but the control somehow made me feel better. It felt good because I thought you needed it too. Like we were helping each other.”

I could see Shane in the reflection of the window. With his eyes on mine, he gave one slow nod. I couldn’t believe a guy as beautiful and sensitive as Shane was still single. The women he’d dated were idiots.

“I can’t be what you need in a boyfriend. I’m not ready for that. I don’t want to hurt you, but I also want you.” Truthfully, I doubted I’d ever commit myself to someone again.

Shane’s hand twitched, but otherwise, he remained still. I paused, hoping he would tell me he understood or that he wanted me too. But the man who talked a mile-a-minute remained silent.

“What if we agreed to help each other? You’ve never been with a man, and I can help with that. Together, we can figure out our boundaries and tastes. Mutually beneficial. Sort of a friends with benefits situation. No commitment, and if one of us starts to have real feelings, we end it. But I want it to be exclusive.” I held my breath.

Putting my cards on the table took more guts than I wanted to admit.

“So what you’re saying is that I can have your unicorn dick, but I can’t fall in love with it?” Shane asked with a straight face.

I wasn’t sure if he was serious or making a joke. His brand of humor was confusing.

“I...um...” I had no idea how to respond as our eyes met in the window.

Shane’s sigh sounded so long suffering that I needed to leave immediately.

“I’m sorry.” I crossed the room. “I shouldn’t have come.”

When I reached for the door handle, Shane’s hand on my forearm stopped me. It shouldn’t turn me on, but it did.

“Wait,” he said. “You need rules. Let’s talk about rules because I can’t commit to a noncommittal relationship unless I’m clear.”

I wilted against the door, and he tugged me back over to the couch. I hadn’t realized how much I needed him to say yes until he did. I craved that feeling of helping relieve his anxiety because it also helped me.

“No relationship has a guarantee, so I’m not asking for that or any long-term commitment, but I want to know how this will be different. What are your expectations besides sex, spanking, and no real feelings?” Shane pulled a bent leg up on the couch, so he was sitting sideways facing me.

Even the word “feelings” made me sweat. “I want to be upfront that I’m not going to fall for you or act like your boyfriend. We aren’t going to go to dinner or meet each other’s friends or spend the night together.”

Shane clucked his tongue. “You met Sara and Isaac, and I met Alec. And Lisa. They both seem important to you. But I can agree to not mingle our important people together.” Shane wrapped his arms around his torso. “I usually eat dinner at my desk, so no issues there. I can agree to not expect you to act like my boyfriend and no more sleepovers. But I need you to be clear on this arrangement as well.”

That took me by surprise and offered hope. I expected him to argue the fine points between being a friend and a boyfriend. “Go on.”

“We meet here, at my place, or at a hotel. And we don’t ask about each other’s past.” Shane’s tone did not leave room for negotiation.

I waited for some other absurd request, but none came. Meeting here was my ideal scenario and not talking about Pax, perfect. I wouldn’t argue about making my life easier. “Okay.”

Shane dipped his head in satisfaction and his posture relaxed. “Alright. So basically, we’ll have sex, you’ll spank me, but nothing else,” he said, and it stunned me that he was agreeing.

I thought he’d have a million reasons why this was a bad idea.

“I brought a printout of my negative test results for you.” I cringed, hoping it wasn’t too forward, but safety was important. I hadn’t been promiscuous but not a monk either.

Shane’s eyes widened. “I can get tested too.” I shrugged in agreement, so he asked, “What about communication and how often?”

“Do we have to decide how often now? I’ve never done this before. Once a week won’t be enough, but any more than twice sounds like a commitment. I can call you to set it up.”

“Don’t show your age, Cole. No one calls. Text me,” Shane teased. “I’ll even unblock your number.”

I toppled him, covering him with my body. “I’ll show you my age,” I growled, ready to strip him naked. “You’ll be lucky to keep up, Pretty Boy.”

“Should I get on my knees for you, Daddy?” Shane’s breath washed over my face and officially broke my control.

Chapter fifteen

Shane

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