Page 44 of The Truth of Loving You

“I’m doing your leg tattoo. Put these on,” Cole said and threw me a pair of basketball shorts. “I’ll be right back.”

He walked out, and I obeyed before my brain decided to analyze the situation. I heard his intake of breath when he reentered the room.

“Well,” I demanded, waiting for his explanation and reining in anxiety with anger.

“I’m enjoying the view.” He shrugged.

“Fuck you for sidelining me with your guilt.” I knew if I didn’t stand up for myself, Cole would only see me on his terms. I had a stake in this too. “You owe me an apology.”

He batted the air as if to dismiss my statement but then sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Silence hung in the air for over a minute.

In the short time we’d been together, my body relied on Cole’s to function properly. Function like most bodies without stress ticks and mood swings. I’d had a blissful month of normalcy that I hadn’t known since I was an eleven-year-old child. Rationally, for the sake of survival, I should start the process of weaning myself from Cole. I might not have the choice to slowly back away from our time together.

“That’s it? You ghost me for five fucking days with zero explanation and a subpar apology. Do you really think I’m that easy that I will just fall to my knees and say all is forgiven?!” I would not allow him to summon me and then act like everything was fine.

He said this arrangement would be mutually beneficial, and I was going to hold him to that.

“Do you want me to tattoo you or should I get Alec?”

“I’m not doing this.” I grabbed my suit coat and pants to leave. This arrangement had run its course if Cole wasn’t willing to acknowledge our connection.

“Wait.” He blocked the door with his body. “I just need a minute.”

“I gave you a minute. In fact, I’ve been here three minutes and fortyish seconds,” I spat.

“You know why I had a bad week.” His tortured face hurt to look at.

“You can have a bad week, but what you can’t do is punish me for what you volunteered.” I knew Cole had a ghost haunting him, but I refused to get pushed aside in his battle with guilt. “I did not start the conversation, or ask you anything you weren’t willing to tell me.”

“You’re right. I wanted to make it up to you by doing the tattoo for your shin.” His eyes pleaded with me to forgive him, and I hated that I was caving in.

“This isn’t a relationship where you have to bring me the proverbial flowers after a fight. I texted you four times and even picked up the phone like a goddamn Gen Xer and called you. All you had to say was that you were working through some shit, and you’d get back to me when you were ready.” I stomped into the hallway.

Cole followed me, but when I reached the exit, I wasn’t prepared to leave things like this. He cupped my shoulder and the simple touch rooted me to the floor.

“Confession. I debated inviting you out to a private beach tomorrow. The kids are back in school so no one uses it during the week. I was mad at myself for wanting to break my own rules with you. I’d already told you something that I hadn’t told another soul. You’re right; I was punishing you for what I want from you.”

I turned to face him. “We started this to explore our needs. But we both know that it’s become more than that. You want the control, and I happily submit to release my anxiety. I’m not whining that I want to spend time with you; I’m asking for the release. So, if you can’t provide it, I expect the common decency of a reply. And if I take matters into my own hands, you don’t get to punish me for it,” I said, making a conscious effort to unlock my jaw after my tirade.

“We decided this is exclusive.” Cole crowded me against the door so we were chest to chest, and my traitorous body loved it. “I failed you. But I’m still in charge of every single one of your orgasms. That is not negotiable.”

“Only if you keep your end of the bargain. You forfeit that right if you don’t respond to me.” I taunted him to force his hand into providing the bite of pain I’d been craving.

“You want me to punish you so badly, you’d tell me my cock is small.” He smiled, planting his feet on either side of mine and tugging my hair, looking into my eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, holding my gaze. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck up again, but I promise not to leave you hanging.”

“Thank you.” I winced at the breathlessness in my voice.

“Is this a private lovefest or can anyone join?” Alec appeared out of nowhere and brought his arms around the two of us.

“Okay, asshole.” Cole shoved Alec back. “Get out of here. This is, in fact, private.” Cole smirked, shoving him onto the sidewalk. “I’ll bring you coffee and donuts tomorrow morning.”

“I want a breakfast sandwich and a donut.” Alec grinned, winking at me.

I liked Alec and his ability to tease Cole. Sometimes, I think Alec borderline flirted with me to get a rise out of Cole. I didn’t hate it. I had to admit I liked it when Cole got possessive over me.

“Fine,” Cole growled, and Alec left whistling.

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