Page 65 of The Truth of Loving You

Dredging up all the confessions and pain in my past with Paxton was nothing compared to the blow from Shane’s words. I thought my truth would bring us closer together. Something in his past made him closed off, and I was an expert at that. I’d done the one thing I swore I’d never do.

I gave him the power to hurt me because I loved him. But I didn’t regret it. A chance was better than never taking the risk. Over time, I wanted to prove to him we were right for each other and that he could trust me.

“You’re disappointed,” Shane accused.

“I’m upset with myself for destroying your faith in me. I love you, but you don’t feel the same. Basically, it would be unfair to expect you to change your mind because I had a life-altering realization. I’m in therapy, and I’m determined to fix myself.”

Shane shook his head. “Therapy won’t fix you. Fix implies that being broken is wrong. You don’t want to be fixed. You want to accept the pain and manage it so you can hold Paxton in your heart with love. Love not pain.”

“I’m not worried about my feelings for Pax. I want to be better for you. When I thought you were seriously injured or could die, it changed everything. I might have catastrophized a bit.” I inhaled. “My world is better with you in it,” I said, and Shane tried not to roll his eyes.

“What would you have done if I was seriously injured or in a coma?”

“I would’ve figured out if you had to stay in the hospital, or if I’d get a hospital bed here to take care of you. I wouldn’t walk away. As long as you’ll have me, you’re stuck with me.” I risked making him mad again, but I wouldn’t lie to make this easier for him to leave me.

“What would you do about Unframed Art?”

“I’m the owner, I don’t need to tattoo. Alec can be the manager and I would hire another artist.” I sat up, not wanting to have this conversation lying down.

“Too easy,” he dismissed.

“Nothing about you being seriously injured would be easy, but deciding to step away from work would be,” I said, knowing Shane was trying to pretend it didn’t matter.

“What if I told you I want kids right away?” Shane tipped his chin up and set his jaw.

“First, I’m not agreeing to have kids with anyone who doesn’t love or trust me. But let’s say for the sake of the argument that wasn’t an issue.” I paused to get my thoughts together. “I would want to give my kids what I never had, love and attention. I don’t know if I would sell Unframed Art or just step back until they were older. I would ask my partner to evaluate his level of time and commitment.” Shane sputtered with my last sentence, but I pressed on. “I would never ask you to give up your dream of becoming a chief executive officer, but we’d have to be on the same page.”

“Meaning?” Shane growled.

“You work late hours, so you’d regularly miss meals and bedtime. Would you be alright with that? It’s easy to say yes and harder to balance when you miss your kids. I would get to do more of the fun stuff with the kids. Say, we took them out to Lisa’s on a Sunday, and it rained, but Monday would be beautiful weather. I could stay out there with the kids, but you’d need to drive back to the city alone to work. There are sacrifices you’d have to make.”

“You’ve thought about this?” he asked incredulously.

I shrugged. I wouldn’t tell him that I had fantasized an entire life with him while he was in pain, drugged out in my bed. A life where we had two kids, a boy and girl, and a walkup either near the park or with a tiny yard. Possibly a dog but, if not, definitely a cat. No need to freak him out more than he already was.

“You’d be fine with the fact that I work insane hours?” His hand covered mine on his leg.

“As long as you were happy. I wouldn’t want you to be resentful of missing out. I used to think my father made Pax work long hours to spite me. But it’s the job, and it’s not personal. So if it’s your dream to have both, I’d never stand in your way.” There was only so much blood to bleed before my heart broke. “Can we change the subject? It’s hard to talk about an imaginary future when you don’t even want to be here or be my boyfriend.” I choked out the words.

“I am glad I’m here,” Shane whispered. I hummed, running my fingers through his hair. His large brown eyes blinked up at me. “Will you show me your paintings?”

Fucking hell, he thought, he was changing the subject, not twisting the knife in my gut. “You might not be ready for it.” I hesitated; this could be the thing that broke us forever.

“I want to be the first to see a Cole Branson original.” His lips turned up, and I’d never been able to say no to him.

“You asked for it.” I sighed. “Remember that. And keep in mind, no one else will ever see these paintings. They’re for me.”

Shane’s face lit up while I prepared myself for the worst.

The moment of truth.

Chapter thirty-six

Shane

Colewasvisiblynervous,sweating and with trembling hands.

I’d seen one of his paintings, so his reaction seemed out of place. He had talent, and I needed to get off the Cole-is-melting-my-insides train.

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