Page 87 of The Truth of Our Past

“I guess he truly is a genius.” I don’t understand Alec’s flush, making him look guiltier than before.

“I had to come and see you. I made so many mistakes, and I hate the way we left things.”

“The way you left things.” My voice isn’t calm. It has a biting, accusatory tone.

Alec nods and shoves his hands in his coat pockets. His mouth opens and closes a couple of times.

If he won’t say something, I’m going to tell him how I feel and ask him to leave.

“It broke me to know you discarded the sculpture I left for you. I created it to tell you I loved you,” I say and Alec draws in a sharp breath. “I poured everything I am and all my feelings for you into it. It was a risk to tell you I loved you, but I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I meant it as a private celebration of us. But not only did you not want it, you rejected it and made it public. You were willing to sell my love to you to the highest bidder, like it meant nothing to you.”

His crushed expression mirrors my heart. “I can accept your apology for my reaction going viral. You can go home with a clear conscience.” I take a deep breath and prepare to watch Alec walk away forever.

Alec

Lay Me Down by Sam Smith

All the things I plan to say to Von vacate my brain the second I lay eyes on him. I foolishly thought that if I could apologize in person, Von would forgive me and we could pick up where we left off. One look at him, and I know that won’t happen.

I let him talk and give him the chance to tell me his feelings first. When he says he loves me, my heart soars with hope, but he uses the word in the past tense.

I don’t deserve a second chance with him unless he wants to give it to me. I inflicted heartbreak on both of us.

I never in my wildest dreams thought Von could love me so much that I would break his heart. No one has loved me the way he does. Or did.

The need to protect myself drove me to hurt him and miss all the signs that he loves me. My fear of rejection from my past overwhelmed me and I ruined our love.

Von’s name is still on my Google Alerts, which pings several times a day. Some of the articles translated Von and Lars speaking Swedish. Some translated the last thing he said before he was cut off as, ‘he gave away my,’ and speculated on what he meant. But a Swedish source translated it as, ‘he gave me away.’

Standing in front of him, I’m certain that the last translation is correct. Von thinks I gave him and our love away.

It’s the worst fucking time to admit that I love him. I’ve been denying it and ignoring what that means. I knew I’d totally fail at first love. Any love.

I have to put the past behind me.

I love Von Blixt.

And nothing will change that. I can only hope he feels the same. I’ll have to prove to him I mean what I say.

“Von, I want—”

“Alec, I can’t do this. I’m sorry.”

The man I love walks away and I have no one to blame but myself.

Hans appears and motions for me to follow him. I assume he’s going to escort me off the property and am confused when we walk in the opposite direction of my rental car. We round the barn and he unlocks a converted garage. Hans sweeps his hand for me to enter, but I can’t cross the threshold.

I recognize the space from the video of Von that I’ve watched a million times. It’s destroyed. The table has been smashed into a pile of rubble with a shattered computer on top. The wall hooks hang empty, and he used a blowtorch to mangle and melt the tools. There are scorch marks on the wall.

I don’t ask Hans who did this, because I know.

“It didn’t take him long to do this,” Hans says in perfect English. I knew he understood me, but now I can understand why he didn’t want to talk to me.

“But he won’t be able to create art.” I cannot be responsible for Von giving up his passion.

Hans shrugs. Bringing me here is the equivalent to a neon sign flashing, ‘this is what you did, Alec.’

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