Page 9 of The Truth of Our Past

Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing by Chris Isaak

Imentally shake myself as my hungry eyes cannot break away from Alec.

This day has been a disaster. I’m an imposter in the art community and anarsle. I meant to push Alec away because he reminds me too much of what I’ve lost. That pain is always under the surface, itching to infect everyone around me. I cannot let that happen.

Instead, I’ve acted as if he’s lazy and self-centered. And he’s the opposite of those things, which makes my behavior worse. I’m not usually an asshole, but I have been to him. Blaming my issues on the stress of trying to figure out my life and the past is a coward’s excuse.

I have only been ajavlarto him.

Because Alec represents all the things I cannot have.

Swearing in Swedish sounds appropriate to my muddled mind.

After I use the restroom, I see Madyson and Jayce standing at a high-top table. This is a side of her I have never seen. She’s so happy, the joy is radiating out of her, and Jayce is completely enthralled.

My body moves on instinct away from them.

The crowded bar is ultra-modern with lots of high-end liquors on display with pink-and-purple lighting. The shelving seems to be recycled metal. It’s exactly the type of place I would go to have fun when I needed a break from reality. I can only imagine how many men have fallen at Alec’s feet in this bar.

I spot Alec sitting on a stool. Alone. He’s watching a hockey game. Several guys bump into me as I stare. Two touch me as they apologize, and their hands linger too long to be anything other than probing interest. But I only see Alec.

He said it wasn’t a big deal that he could draw Madyson’s vision, but it’s a very big deal to have that talent. I have to admit his eye for detail and drawing is superb. In my effort to isolate myself, I haven’t been fair to him.

Alec has found his way into my brain and does not want to leave. He’s the visual equivalent of an earworm. His dimples make an appearance when least expected, and I fantasize about doing dirty things to them.

My attraction deepens as I get to know him and see how much he cares about his friends.

But Madyson said he’s into casual sex.

A part of me wonders if I could have a piece of his happiness without hurting either of us.

I don’t know how to reconcile the different parts of him into a whole man. I know he’s a great friend from how Madyson talks about him. Tonight he looked out for everyone’s needs and noticed my headache.

But he’s guarded and deflects with humor.

There is some darkness under all of his radiant sun. That fascinates me and it’s what drives my desire. If he already has that darkness, I won’t break him with mine.

Ridiculously, my feet take me to him without my permission. I continue to watch him as a few guys approach and leave after his polite rejection.

The fact that he’s declined the opportunity for sex fills me with irrational relief.

“Hey.” I squeeze in next to him.

Alec looks at me in surprise. “What are you doing here? I thought you left with Joanne.”

A glance at my phone shows that twenty minutes went by while I stared at him from across the bar.

“I left my phone in the booth,” I say slowly, and I’m sure he can tell I’m lying. “You?”

“Just chillin’.” He eyes me with curiosity, but his playful warmth has disappeared.

“How did you get connected to The Q Solutions?” I ask, trying to fit the pieces of him together.

As he turns on his stool to face me, his leg brushes mine, creating a spark of intimacy. I hope he cannot hear my sharp inhale.

“A kid asked Cole for a donation, and he dragged me to the center to volunteer.”

I study him intently, and even though I have no right, I push. “You could donate instead of volunteering. What’s the real reason?” We had corporate sponsors out-donating each other to get their names next to ours in the media, attaching themselves to our fame. He isn’t doing that.

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