Page 62 of The Truth of Our Secrets

“Fucking pretentious, asshole,” I say, but my grin contradicts my words.

“Listen, this asshole wants to make sure you’re okay before I go back to Madyson. She’ll have my balls if I leave you upset.”

I stand up so fast, I almost knock him over. “You said she’s fine. She’s here?” I’m ready to run but need a direction.

Jayce wraps his arm around me. “Her doctor’s office—where she’s having a routine checkup—is attached to the hospital. Shesent me here to get her a chocolate bar from the gift shop. I think she wanted me to stop pacing. This was her way of getting rid of me.” He rubs his neck with the other hand.

“But she’s fine?” My heart still races.

“Yeah, nothing to worry about.” He tries to smile.

“But you are,” I push.

“Not worried about her health, but the uncertainty of future things.”

“The future is an anchor around my neck,” I admit.

“Come see her with me. She’ll be happy you’re here.”

Chapter twenty-three

Madyson

“Ican leave if you two want to talk,” Emmet offers.

We’re sitting in silence on the love seat in our apartment. Our new favorite place with Emmet. I haven’t told Jayce exactly what the doctor said, but he can guess. It’s the news I expected, but it’s more upsetting than I imagined.

“No, please stay.” I’m snuggled on Jayce’s lap with my legs in Emmet’s.

There’s a new tension between them. I’d thought we’d gotten past that, but I guess not. Actually, the animosity is one-sided and reversed. Emmet’s bleeding anger while Jayce is bewildered.

I slide off Jayce’s lap to wedge myself between them. “I could use a hug.”

They wrap me up, and I breathe a sigh of relief at being between the two of them. Four arms, two broad chests and fingers in my hair while palms rub my back. It’s exactly what I need.

“Are you up for talking?” Emmet murmurs with concern.

Jayce makes a tsking sound of disapproval, but there’s a compulsive need to name my demons. I want to rid myself of the shame.

“The short version is I had a checkup with my OB-GYN and even though there’s nothing wrong with me, I haven’t been able to get pregnant.” My face nestles on Emmet’s chest and Jayce’s body blankets my back. Emmet’s breath hitches, but he doesn’t ask questions.

“I thought I’d accepted it, but I feel guilty. Like I should want it more. I’m not ready for kids, but it somehow strikes me as punishment.” My parents repeatedly told me I need to find a good man and have children. Letting go of that expectation is weirdly difficult. I leave out my sense of failure because they will argue with me and I’m not up to defending my emotions.

“Definitely not a punishment.” Jayce kisses my head.

I peek at Jayce over my shoulder. “I want to tell him about Peter and the whole story.”

His body freezes, and he swallows hard. He’d rather forget Peter and pretend the entire thing never happened, but I can’t do that, and he has to deal with it at some point. He gives a jerky nod with his lips pressed into a thin line. My gut tells me it’s necessary for Emmet to understand our past, but my body experiences low level anxiety as I try to find the words.

I tip my head to look Emmet in the eye. “Jayce was in a long-term relationship with a man named Peter when we met.” Peter’s name poisons my tongue. Emmet’s mouth opens in surprise, but I continue before I lose my nerve. “He’s a few years older than Jayce and they had an open relationship and talked about having kids.”

“At first Peter seemed thrilled that Jayce wanted to bring me into their relationship. Peter wanted a family and having another partner to bear and raise children fit in with his plan. Jayce was respectfully relentless in his pursuit of me.” I turn back and peck Jayce’s lips with a kiss.

He let me choose every step, and we took it slowly at first. I didn’t meet Peter until I was sure I wanted a relationship with Jayce. Otherwise, I would have made a different choice.

“In my religious household, they taught me sex is a sin and only necessary for procreation. It was hard for me to let go and feel free enough to explore sex with two men.”

They’d insisted I act a certain way and dress conservatively to attract the right type of boy who will want to marry me. And allmy actions would reflect on my family and what would my future kids say?

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