Page 63 of The Truth of Our Secrets

They thought I ruined my life with my bad reputation. That I’d never catch the right type of man and if I had kids, they’d be sinners too.

Emmet’s and Jayce’s care fixes the shame my parents drilled into me. That sexual desire will condemn me to hell. Their damnation created a void so deep I crave touch and love. The two of them satiate the void.

Their hands soothe me with gentle caresses. Jayce hates to relive our story.

“Once I was comfortable with them, Peter began degrading me. In bed he’d call me a cum-slut, which was hot, but then he’d say it randomly at dinner. He played it off as a joke and would gaslight me, saying I’m too sensitive when it upset me.”

A growl escapes Jayce’s throat and Emmet’s expression is murderous. I love that they’re angry on my behalf, but I have to get this out.

“I also hated the way he’d talk to Jayce. Peter had this way of cutting him down. As if Jayce’s accomplishments in hockey were trivial. Peter bragged about his own intelligence and had a superiority complex.” I sigh and my fingers draw circles on Emmet’s bicep.

“Things got worse when I agreed to get pregnant. He expected to knock me up on the first try and was irate when I didn’t get pregnant the first month. He really wanted a biological child, so we agreed that he’d be the only one to come inside me.”

I duck my head because I’m about to admit things I kept from Jayce.

“Sex became a chore. Peter became a fanatic about tracking my cycle and temperature and calculating the best time to have sex. And I missed Jayce. He was still there, but Peter controlled everything, making me a pawn in his game. And I was, but we didn’t know that.”

Jayce’s arms band around my middle, squeezing me tight, holding me together in the wake of memories from Peter’s wrath.

“Two months after we started trying, I took a home pregnancy test, and it was positive. I’d never been so scared in my life. I didn’t want to have Peter’s baby.” Jayce startles and grinds his teeth so hard that I can hear it. “I thought about hiding the test and having an abortion.”

“Fuck,” Jayce whispers. He knew I’d been unhappy but had no idea how far I’d go to escape Peter’s hold.

Emmet’s thumb strokes my jaw. Saying this out loud is terrible, but their understanding makes it easier.

“In the end, Peter walked into the bathroom and saw the test. We made an appointment to see my doctor for the normal stuff. I thought maybe Peter would be nicer to me, but he treated me like a damn incubator. He tried to control every bite of food I put in my mouth, everything I drank, how much I exercised, and how much I worked. He told me to sell the gallery.”

Emmet growls this time, and it makes me smile. Looking back, I think Peter felt intimidated by Jayce’s accomplishments and my potential success. Emmet isn’t smallminded like that.

“Shit got messed up when we went to the doctor’s appointment, and they did a blood test. The home test was a false positive. I wasn’t pregnant. Peter assumed I’d done something on purpose. But believe me, I wouldn’t lie about having his kid.

“The doctor wanted to run a few more tests, and I agreed, hoping I could stall Peter’s attempts to keep trying. I lied and told him my doctor advised against sex until the tests were done. He didn’t take it well.”

“That’s an understatement,” Jayce grumbles. “Fucking asshole berated her and told her she was a sorry excuse for a woman and then…” His voice breaks and he trails off.

“Jayce and him fought constantly about me, and Peter hated it when Jayce took my side. The doctor couldn’t find any medical reason that I couldn’t get pregnant. After a couple more months of negative pregnancy tests, Peter fucking lost it and told me to get out. He basically demanded Jayce choose between me and him, since I couldn’t give them the baby they wanted.” I’d neverbeen so terrified of losing Jayce and the promise of the life we envisioned together.

“Baby Girl, it’s always been you. You showed me real love. Without you, I’d still be stuck with him. I didn’t know any better. Because of my father, I thought it was normal.” Jayce explains the last part to Emmet, who crushes me, embracing Jayce.

My heart fills as they cling to each other with me in the middle. They’re creating a safe place for each other. But Emmet should hear the rest.

“So Peter threw a fucking man tantrum and refused to leave. He tried to pack up my things, but Jayce caught him. Jayce threatened to call the police if Peter didn’t leave.” I inhale a huge breath. “He left but he came to the gallery and told me I was a no-good whore and a cum-slut, and Jayce would dump my ass to go crawling back to him within weeks.”

“Whaat?” Jayce stammers. “Why didn’t you tell me that!” he yells harshly.

My heart rate picks up speed at an alarming pace. “Because of that reaction,” I mumble. “What difference does it make what he said?”

Whatever he hears in my voice chokes him. “You believed him, didn’t you? You didn’t tell me because you were afraid it was true.”

My silence says more than words could. Part of me knew Peter was a psychopath spewing hate, but another part felt unworthy of Jayce. Especially if I couldn’t have his child.

“Firecracker, how could you keep that to yourself?” Emmet speaks as if I’m a wounded animal. Maybe I am.

I shrug, not willing to put my biggest fears into words. Not his Firecracker, more like a dud. “It wouldn’t change anything.”

“You fucking two.” Emmet shakes his head. “Jayce loves you. He could’ve reassured you so you wouldn’t live with the fear of Peter’s words.”

“Yes, that,” Jayce agrees.

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