Page 64 of The Truth of Our Secrets

“Be honest. Don’t hold things back. Love built on lies and half-truths isn’t solid. It’s a slippery base that things can slide off of.” Emmet sounds so old.

He has an ancient soul, probably because he had to fend for himself growing up.

I don’t disagree, but Jayce and I have gotten into this pattern of not discussing hard topics because we’re afraid to hurt each other.

“So you’re trying to have a baby?” Emmet asks, lifting an eyebrow.

Not being able to do what my body is biologically designed to do seems like a failure. I’ve assumed Jayce wants a child, but I’ve never asked.

“We’re not, not trying,” Jayce says.

“Well, that’s bullshit.” Emmet scoffs.

I lift my head in surprise.

“This isn’t where to eat for dinner or what game to play. It’s the rest of your lives and whether you bring another life into it. You can’t fucking take chances on becoming a dad. You either want kids or you don’t. Fucking don’t have them if you don’t want them.”

I cry for Emmet. He knows what it’s like to be an unwanted child. A child whose father couldn’t care less about him and his sister.

The comments hurt Jayce and he jerks to pull away, but Emmet’s hold is too strong and I’m grateful. I need them both right now. I’m exposed and raw. Jayce’s father didn’t give a shit about his family. Fucker still insults Jayce while asking for money.

I want to give Jayce the chance to be the father he never had. But he might not want that.

“Madyson, do you want children?” He lets go of Jayce with one hand to tilt my chin up to look at him.

“Someday. Maybe,” I answer without hesitation. “But not until we settle our situation.” Emmet is confused and I don’t blame him.

“You didn’t tell me,” Jayce says softly into my hair.

“You didn’t ask, and neither did I.”

Leave it to Emmet, the one Jayce accused of being too immature for a relationship with us, to be the one to get us to talk about our issues.

“I’m happy as long as you’re happy.” He shifts so I can see his face. “I’ll be fine either way.” He kisses my forehead and I close my eyes to soak in the truth of his words.

“Don’t have an oops baby before you’re ready. Children shouldn’t be a game of Russian roulette.”

My stomach swoops with the realization we’ve been so irresponsible. If we had a baby now, things would be so messy, I wouldn’t be happy.

I meet Jayce’s eyes. “He has a point.”

The conversation turns into a plan to avoid an unwanted pregnancy.

“Look at you two, having big adult conversations without falling apart,” Emmet teases.

Jayce tenses and we’re all so close, I’m sure Emmet notices. I hope they avoid a fight.

Emmet tilts my head, presses a chaste kiss to my lips, and asks, “What do you need now?”

The question brings a flood of tears and Emmet’s horrified and apologizing and it’s all so stupid. It’s ridiculous that his question is so thoughtful, and it hit me straight in the heart.

They’re happy tears.

No one has ever asked me what I need. Jayce is a problem solver and tries to manage my needs without asking or gives presents when he can’t fix it. Within a week, I’ll have a new piece of jewelry which is thoughtful but not what I need.

I need them. I need to feel wanted and desired. That they want me even after the truth I spilled today.

I decide to be honest. “Hold me.”

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