Page 59 of Misconduct Zone

It doesn’t matter that Von and I rarely see each other. The bond of our childhood friendship cannot be broken so when I texted, he agreed to meet me late at night in Germany. He said he planned to come to the game so it is not an imposition. He is lying, but the guilt I have been carrying has become unbearable.

“Hej hej,” I greet him, and we speak rapid Swedish to catch up.

“How are things with Alec?” I ask about his boyfriend, who I still hold responsible for Von’s heartbreak.

Von’s default stern expression breaks into a wide grin. “He is amazing.” There’s a dreamy look in his eyes that I have never seen before. “I can visit again soon, and we are making it work.”

I hesitate, unsure where to begin.

“I saw the video,” he says. It’s an opening, asking to discuss it because he would never pry.

“If you are still speaking to me after what I have to tell you, we can talk about the video,” I say hesitantly.

“I am listening.” He stretches his long legs to the side of our booth in a small bar but leans closer with a look of concern.

I deliberately picked this place in case Dylon came searching for me. There’s an unread text from him asking if we can talk. I have to exorcise my demonbefore I face the demise of our relationship. Dread settles in my stomach as I realize I could lose my two closest friends within days of each other.

A server with a terrible cough and a red nose takes our order.

“It is about Boe.” I whisper his brother’s name, and his back crashes against the booth. “We started texting regularly about you. We could both tell your heart wasn’t infotbollanymore, and he was concerned.”

Von quietly digests this information.

“In our offseasons, we spent time together traveling before his accident.” I give him a brief history of the progression of our relationship and coming out to each other. “But I had no idea of the severity of his injury or his abuse of pills.”

The rest of my confession is a blur, and I pour all of my anguish and guilt into a long, overdue apology. A few years too late. I should have told him sooner.

“It sounds like he lied to you,” Von says gravely. “It is what addicts do. They lie and cover up their drug use. We do not want to believe our loved ones could deceive us. I knew there was something wrong, and I tried to convince my parents.” Von lets out a slow exhale.

“Truthfully, I have felt responsible and blamed myself. I asked him to come stay with me and get better medical care, but he refused. His excuses were bullshit, and I knew it, but I did nothing. We cannot go back and change the past. I was furious he had people who loved him, yet he did not ask for help.” He bows his head, and his long blond hair shields his face from view.

I fall back against the booth, astounded. “You do not blame me?”

“How could I? He lied to us all.”

My relief cannot take hold with the looming confrontation with Dylon and his lies. As if he’s read my mind, Von lifts his head.

“Is this coming up now because of Dylon?”

I grimace. Von witnessed Dylon’s overdose, and it wrecked him. “He is very similar to Boe in the best and worst ways. You have met him, so you know he can light up a room, but…” I leave the rest unsaid, unwilling to say anything out loud because he understands.

“I am sorry for that, brother.” He reaches out and grasps my forearm. Calling me brother after what I told him lifts the weight off my chest. He truly does not blame me for not knowing and intervening with Boe’s addiction.

“You deserve happiness. But…do not give and get nothing in return.”

An argument rests on the tip of my tongue but it’s useless. He is not disparaging Dylon, only expressing his best wishes for me.

I thank him and we hug, promising to see each other after my game.

We are losing, and it’s my fault. I broke the pregame ritual with Dylon and have been avoiding him. The team notices but doesn’t say anything. Yet. If I continue to behave as if he’s another random teammate, they will question it. They think I am upset about the picture, but that excuse will not last.

Dylon lied to me.

He dismissed my feelings and concern as insignificant.

He lied to me.

Thinking back, Dylon wasn’t himself at the Halloween party. I missed something important. I don’t want to believe he lied because he was drinking, but I cannot be naïve.

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