Page 37 of Penalty Zone

Leo shakes his head. “I have so many regrets and lost time.”

“You can’t change the past. You can do better in the future,” I say, like I have a clue what I’m talking about. “If you decide to come, a heads-up that we don’t do a traditional holiday celebration. My family is the least traditional people, and there won’t be any religious references. My parents believe organized religion has caused more damage than good.”

“I’m not particularly religious.” Leo shifts closer, and the heat from his body blankets me. “I get the impression you don’t want me there, and intruding on your family time feels wrong.”

I blow out a breath. “It’s not exactly you. Well, it is you. Totally you,” I babble. “My mom will break out the baby book, and you’ll have a hard time taking me seriously once you see naked pictures of me dancing with daisies in my hair like a little doll.” The words rush out, and I immediately regret them.

Leo’s head tips back as he laughs. I watch his neck extend and wish I could lean in and lick his Adam’s apple.

Focus, Benz.

“See, you already have an image in your head, and you’re laughing.”

He’s so close, his head practically resting on my shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone if you don’t tell that my mom was positive I was going to be a girl and couldn’t let the handmade dresses go to waste.”

He made that up.

Leo holds up his hands. “I swear.” He reaches out like he’s going to touch me but stops himself.

He can’t touch me. Not here. Not ever. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave it. I want someone who can’t help themselves and can’t keep their hands off me. Someone who’s proud to be with me. That won’t ever be Leo.

Even if we did something stupid, it would be a secret.

I’m a terrible secret keeper.

“Tell me the right thing to do, Caleb.” His eyes plead with me, and I love the way my name sounds when he says it. “Should I come to Vermont or find another way to celebrate with Mason? I really don’t know what to do.”

He’s so earnest and conflicted. Everything in me wants to make it better.

“Come to Vermont,” I say.

I hope this isn’t a huge mistake.

Later that night, I can’t help myself.

Me: I’ve been bad

Me: I’m in bed late

He actually types instead of liking my text with the dreaded thumbs-up.

Leo:three ZZZ emoji

I’m playing with fire and wondering how badly I’ll get burned.

Chapter 17

Leo

All week, I’ve been coaching Caleb and struggling not to kiss him again. His lips were so soft under mine, and he melted into my chest, working his way into my heart.

The team went out to celebrate their win, but I stayed at the hotel. Watching Caleb dance did things to my body that aren’t allowed. If I long for a man, I should pick someone unfamiliar with hockey who will provide an orgasm, not a complication.

I care too much about my reputation and how I’ll be perceived in history. All I’ve ever wanted is to be known as one of the best players in the league. Having a male partner meant giving that up. Now I’m not so sure.

Even though I crave the rough touch of a man and solid thighs, the thought of finding someone random sickens me.

The hotel bar is basic with low lights, bad carpeting, and a meager selection of alcohol. To pass the time, I sip a whiskey. It burns on the way down and spreads through my system.

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