Page 65 of Penalty Zone

Welp, I feel differently alright. I’ll be constantly jonesing for Leo’s fat cock and demanding voice, making me feel like I matter. Last night, I felt so important to him, and I gave him something no one else could. We were in a bubble of us, and no one could touch us. I’d live in that bubble for eternity.

Stupid.

Getting over Leo Griffin will be the hardest thing I’ll ever do.

Chapter 29

Leo

I’m losing my mind. Caleb can’t ignore me forever because we work together, but I had to fly back to Montreal as soon as we got back from Vermont to meet with the GM and the owners. Someone leaked my departure to the media, and they suspect me. It’s bullshit.

They took me away from Caleb at the worst time, and I don’t know where we stand. The pessimist in me thinks he experienced forbidden sex for the first time and is ready to move on.

Being in the same arena as him and not seeing his face adds another layer of anxiety. He’s probably in the locker room for the pregame prep, and I rush through the corridors.

On the ride home, he’d acted as if our night together wasn’t a big deal. I don’t know why his demeanor changed after I left his room, as if I’m only Mason’s dad and his mentor. Nothing else.

There was also the awkward moment when Mason asked if I’d told Caleb I’m bi because we have that in common. Not confessing my feelings for him was excruciating.

Yesterday, I had to FaceTime Mason to tell him I’m no longer employed with the Wolves before he heard it on the news. I’d hoped to speak to Caleb as well, but he only gave a quick wave as he walked through the background. He’s only texted me generic accountability check-ins, no flirting or innuendo even though I sent texts with innuendo. Admittedly, I’m a terrible flirt.

I couldn’t sleep at all because somehow, Caleb worked his way into my heart and I can’t let go. I’m paralyzed by the thought of losing him. The end of my marriage didn’t upset me this much.

Last night, I had to do some serious self-reflection to decide whether it’s truly Caleb I miss or whether he boosted my ego higher than it’s ever been only to let me fall. Was my pride hurt or my heart?

No one wants to believe they’re the bad guy in the story, but I was the bad guy in my marriage and with Mason. I owe Caleb certainty so I don’t hurt him.

And I’m certain. It’s as if a switch was flipped once I gave myself permission to have Caleb. I want to consume him today, tomorrow, the next day, and the day after that. I want Caleb in my life now until the end of time.

Not knowing how he feels is the only reason I haven’t accosted him, thrown him in an empty room, and ordered him to do dirty things to me.

I push into the locker room and relax because they’re not surprised to see me here. I don’t usually come in before Coach does his pregame speech, but I’m rabid to see Caleb. He’s on the bench by his locker with his head tipped back and mouth moving.

“Hey, coach.” Ace steps in my path and gives me the once-over. “I like the mop.” He grins and touches his head. I let my hair air-dry the way Caleb likes it. “Do you need something?”

“A quick word with Benz,” I say, but he doesn’t move. Caleb is within reach, and I can’t touch him.

“He’s doing his pregame ritual and doesn’t like to be interrupted. You know how goalies get,” he jokes, but he’s serious.

I incline my head and take a position against the wall, waiting for Coach. The tightness in my chest loosens being in the same room as Caleb. Knowing he’s fine settles me, but it also causes a different sort of ache. My heart beats too fast, as if it can muster enough propulsion to get to Caleb on its own.

He takes a few heaving breaths and removes his headphones. He takes the crystal case out I got him and selects one to wear. I feel lighter knowing that he’s using my gift.

He sets out a speaker and selects a song. “Are we ready?” he hollers and dances into the middle of the locker room. Lucky and a few others belt out the words and dance with him. I love watching him so free and happy. When he turns and our eyes meet, his smile falters for a second. It will break me if I’m the reason his light dims.

I slip out of the locker room and wait in the tunnel with my heart cracked wide open.

The Enforcers lose a close game, and the locker room is somber. Mason played fantastic, not missing a step from his virus. I congratulate him, and he gives me a sweaty hug.

“You ready for Vegas?” I slap Caleb on the back, careful not to give myself away. He’s going to start in the Vegas game onNew Year’s Eve. Originally, I couldn’t go because of the game in Montreal, but now I’m free and really want to be there for him if he’ll let me.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” He smiles, and up close, I notice something is off. Maybe he’s not as fine as I thought.

“You’ve put in the work, and I believe in you.” My hand stretches toward him, but I pull it back. I almost swept his hair out of his eyes.

Eyes that aren’t bright and smiling. He’s lost some of his spark.

“Coach asked me to review something with you in the film room,” I blurt out the lie.

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