Page 39 of First Verse

I’m in a constant state of hunger, but the only sustenance that will sate me is one I can’t have.

The band is my saving grace. Our second single released and the response was even more insane than the first. Whatever anonymity we enjoyed before is gone, at least with the under-forty crowd in the city we call home. I wasn’t a fan of social outings before, but now I can’t even hit up my favorite record store or local coffee shop without being forced into conversation with strangers.

Not that I have much free time.

Between multiple daily rehearsals, the guys and I have been running ourselves ragged. Every day there’s somewhere we have to be or something we have to do. Interviews. Photoshoots. Music videos. Our social media accounts have ballooned so much we’ve hired an agency to handle them. A team of people now generates our content, one of whom is currently recording us while we watch a basketball game in our basement.

Our keyboardist, Zander, shoves his glasses up his nose, his eyes darting from the TV to Eddie. “Are we supposed to be talking?” he hisses.

“Just act natural,” chirps the woman behind a tripod holding her phone.

The first two replacements for Evangeline only lasted months before being fired. Zander has been with us for over a year. He’s normal. Kind of quiet. So far, he seems to be handling all the attention pretty well, but he’s definitely more freaked out than the rest of us. We, at least, remember our first tour. Although that brief flare of fame was nothing compared to what’s happening now.

“This is so weird,” Zander mutters.

Next to me, Jax chuckles. “If you think this is weird, wait until we hit the road.”

Eddie throws a piece of popcorn at him from the other end of the L-shaped couch. “Stop scaring the newbie.”

Ignoring his brother, Jax leans toward me and lowers his voice. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m fine.”

His eyes fall to my hands. I curl my fingers, subduing their spastic drumming.

I’m on day ten free of pills. Normally by now, I’d have taken a quarter of a pill, my usual starter dose for reentry into my life. But after I cut the tablet, I couldn’t bring myself to swallow it.

This detox was more brutal than any I’ve gone through before. The withdrawals more painful, the cravings so intense I almost broke a dozen times. It scared the shit out of me. My skin still feels raw, like I’m recovering from a sunburn. My head is a mess, my thoughts a fireworks show—blinding, loud, chaotic. At least my stomach settled today and I can swallow without gagging.

“Dude,” Jax whispers. “You’ve gotta stop.”

Five days ago—my worst day—Jax heard a crash in my room. When I didn’t answer the door, he busted in and found me on the floor, moaning, sweating, and shaking. My mumblings about having the flu went down like a lead balloon.

I ended up telling him the truth minus where I get my pills. He yelled a lot. I puked on his shoes. It was a fucking mess.

“I told you,” I whisper back, “it’s under control.”

Jax frowns. “When the tour starts?—”

“Did you guys see this?” Eddie interrupts as he jumps to his feet. He veers around the coffee table and shoves his phone in our faces. “Glow is headlining tonight at the Cathedral!”

Jax whistles. “Damn, go Eva. Main stage?”

“Side stage,” I murmur, having already seen the post on the band’s Instagram. Cathedral’s main stage has a capacity of six hundred, but the attached hall for lesser known acts is nothing to sneeze at with a cap of three hundred.

Eddie bounces on the balls of his feet. “We have to go!”

“Sounds good to me,” says Jax with a shrug.

Zander stands fast, his relief obvious. “I’m down.”

Eddie and Zander head for the stairs, Eddie rambling about how awesome Evangeline is and how he’s going to text everyone he knows to come to the show in case ticket sales are lackluster. They’re not. I checked fifteen minutes ago and the show is nearly sold out.

I wonder if Eddie would be as supportive of Evangeline if he knew I fucked her into a coma last month.

Sighing heavily, I press the heels of my hands to my aching eyes.

“Can we have the room?” Jax asks the woman whose name I can’t remember.

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