Page 43 of Last Chorus

I listen to the familiar sound of him pulling on a shirt, then his soft footsteps approaching me. They pause a few feet away.

“Your phone is in the kitchen, but before you bolt, listen for a sec. Everything is okay. After you passed out, Rye and Lily came back to the party. Lily stayed with you while I went outside to meet my driver. Rye found Clay and told him they were bringing you here. He was fine with it.”

Too relieved to acknowledge the edge in his voice, I whisper, “Thank God.”

His following sigh is weighted with intent. A whole different level of anxiety ripples through me, shortening my breath.

“Evangeline…”

Turning fast, I dart around him toward the bathroom. “About to pee my pants, sorry!”

After closing the door and locking it, I brace my hands on the vanity and try to catch my breath. My body shakes intermittently, cramping with so much tension that my bladder has gone into hiding. The mirror tells me I look as bad as I feel. My bloodshot eyes are ringed by melted makeup. A section of my hair sticks up in defiance of gravity, the rest flattened and tangled in chunks. My skin is grayish-white, my lips bloodless.

There’s a soft thud on the door that I instinctivelyknow is from Wilder’s forehead meeting the wood. Sure enough, his low voice slips around the frame and curls into my ears.

“I know about what happened in the limo. Why you got so drunk.”

Another thud.

“This might make you hate me again, but I have to say it. Juggling lies, partitioning off parts of yourself, avoiding the truth screaming in your gut… it’s no way to live. I should know. I also know how scary it is to break free of the bullshit and let it all go. Feels kind of like jumping without a parachute. But youcantake your life back.”

There’s a long pause. My stomach churns, and it’s not from the hangover this time. I can feel what’s coming, sense it in the same way you smell ozone between lightning strikes.

Because no matter how drastically storms have altered our topography as adults, the structure of us as children still stands. Within those unassailable walls, Wilder remains my silent protector and reluctant hero. Challenging me to be brave even as he tries to shelter me from pain. And always, always finding me when I’m lost.

“I’ve broken promises to you, Evangeline. I brokeus.I’ll never forgive myself for it. I don’t expect you toforgive me, either. But you have to know… even if you don’t want me to be, I’m in your corner. Forever. That’s one promise I will never, ever break.”

There’s a final thud of his forehead on the door before his footsteps move away.

I don’t know how long I stand there unmoving, covered in goosebumps and staring blankly at the door. It could be a minute or ten before Lily knocks and tells me she’s leaving a change of clothes on the bed, and that I’ll find toiletries, including ibuprofen, under the sink.

Her calm voice cracks the plaster on my limbs. I open the door, stalling her retreat from the room.

“I’m sorry, Lily. For so much. The Indigo meeting and what I said to you after. Shutting you out. Being a shit friend and godmother. I’ve never wanted to leave Glow. I’mnotleaving Glow. I just…”

My voice hits an emotional blockage in my throat.

Her chin quivers before firming. “I’m sorry, too. I haven’t been a good friend to you, either. I was too wrapped up in my own life to see what was going on, and I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

But I already know. I fucking know because like Wilder said, it’s the truth screaming in my gut. The one I’ve been terrified to face for longer than I can admit to myself.

“I’m talking about Clay. He’s abusive. Some part of you must know that.”

My chest tightens, burning. More pieces of the walls I’ve been dismantling rip free, falling and shattering. Tears fill my eyes. Suddenly dizzy, I grab the doorframe.

Then I force out probably the hardest words I’ve ever had to speak.

“I know.”

Lily’s expression softens, the sympathy in her eyes half balm, half acid on my heart.

“Leave him, Eva. You can do it. We’ll help you. Anything you need.”

Panic rises again. I break out in a sweat. “I-I want to. I… I’ve tried. I’m trying. Please believe me. I’m sorry.”

She closes the space between us and wraps her arms tightly around my waist. “It’s okay. I understand. I love you, and when you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here.” Stepping back, she wipes tears from her cheeks. “Right now the only thing you have to do is shower. Please. Between your pits and your breath, I’m about to pass out.”

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