Page 21 of Carnal Desire

Ashley’s face floated through my mind. She was my first girlfriend. My first love. And the first person in my life to die. My chest squeezed with a pain I usually tried to keep locked up and out of my mind.

“What?” Sadie asked softly. “You look sad all the sudden. What’s wrong?”

I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. My girl was clearly intuitive.

“Nothing.” I shook my head. “I was thinking about this girl that I dated for two years in high school. We were in love, in that super intense way that happens when you’re young. Her, uh, her parents found out about us and pulled her out of our school, trying to separate us. They were the ‘pray the gay away’ types. She killed herself.”

Sadie gasped. “Oh, that poor girl.”

I blinked quickly, surprised to realize I was getting teary. I hadn’t thought about Ashley in years, yet the pain of losing her still felt fresh and real.

“She was only sixteen. The pain of her parents’ rejection and the idea of being stuck with them for another two years until she could be on her own, it was too much for her.”

“I’m so sorry that happened,” she said softly, pulling me into a hug.

I rested my head on her shoulder and we both were silent for a few seconds while I composed myself. Lifting my head, I met Sadie’s eyes.

“I promised myself long ago that when I found someone I cared about, I wouldn’t let them slip away from me, or let anyone else’s opinions influence us.”

“I get that Ariel, honestly I do. But you and I come from different worlds, and we don’t even know each other.”

“That’s what dating is for,” I reminded her. “To get to know each other.”

When she didn’t answer I felt a wave of nausea, sure she was about to dump me, but to my surprise she didn’t.

“I like you too, Ariel. A lot. How about this? We can… uh, hang out… date, whatever you want to call it, while I’m here and we’ll see how it goes.”

“While you’re here?” I prodded.

“I’m not going to stay here forever, this is temporary until I get on my feet. Hopefully I’ll be out of your hair in a week or two. Then we can decide what happens next.”

I wanted to tell her that this wasn’t temporary. That I didn’t want her to move out in a few weeks. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but I could tell it was too soon. She was freaking out. Not that I blamed her. After all, I’d been in love with her for some time, but this was all new to her.

Plus I wasn’t naïve enough to not understand the differences in our lives. Most people in my life, both social and business, would have an opinion about me dating my cleaning woman. It was almost as bad as dating the nanny. And while I didn’t care what people thought of me, I didn’t want to put Sadie in a bad position, especially before we’d fully committed to each other.

My best plan was for me to agree to Sadie’s proposal, then spend all my energy convincing her that she belonged in my world, and that she belonged at my side.

“So we’re going to date for now, and see what happens? Is that what you’re proposing?” I clarified.

Sadie nodded. “Yes, we can hang out until I get my own place and then if you’re not sick of me, maybe we can try dating when we’re not living together.”

“I’ll never get sick of you, Sadie,” I said firmly.

She rolled her eyes like I was being ridiculous. I grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer, giving her a long, hard, claiming kiss. When we pulled apart, her lips were swollen and her eyes were a little dreamy.

“I guess we’re sealing this deal with a kiss?” she joked.

“That’s right.”

She headed towards the stairs.

“I’ve got to find some food. Despite that huge breakfast I had, I worked up quite an appetite swimming laps. Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” I said, staring at her ass while she walked up the steps of the pool.

“Great, let’s get changed and raid your fridge.”

Sadie and I headed to separate bathrooms to shower, then met in the kitchen. We stood side by side examining the contents of the refrigerator. Maeve, Grace, and I subscribed to a meal service that brought in a combination of prepared meals and groceries each week, which meant we rarely had to go grocery shopping. I loved cooking and tried to do it several times a week, but I despised going to the grocery store for some reason.

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