Page 28 of Carnal Desire

Christine really was a good boss. The first night when I left Ariel’s place I stayed overnight in a cheap hotel, knowing it was much too late to get a spot at the shelter. The next day I did something I never did: I asked for help. At our morning meeting I asked my coworkers to let me know if they knew anyone who was renting out a room or looking for a roommate. It turned out that Christine’s sister had a studio apartment over her garage that she rented out on a short-term basis. Best of all, it was in my price range. I’d moved in the same day.

I’d never lived alone before but to my surprise, I really liked it. I’d never felt so self-sufficient and adult before.

I debated with myself most of the day about whether I should meet Ariel. I couldn’t for the life of me think of a reason why we would meet at the shelter, unless she thought I was living there again. In the end, curiosity won out. I took the El from my new apartment, then walked the rest of the way from the train station.

I hadn’t been to the shelter since that day Ariel found me in her bed, and I was struck by how the familiar walk somehow felt so different. I knew the difference was me. Despite the short time period we’d spent together, being with Ariel had changed me, made me feel more comfortable in my skin. And living on my own, even though it had only been a couple of weeks, had given me more confidence than I’d had in a long time.

When I walked up to the shelter I saw Ariel leaning against a black town car parked by the front door. She was dressed in slim black pants, a white silk sleeveless blouse and sky high blackheels. She seemed oblivious to the long line of women waiting for their chance to get a bed as she walked past them to meet me.

“Sadie. Hey. Thanks for coming.” She studied me carefully. “How have you been?”

Being near her made my heart hurt. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and kiss her until we were both breathless. But I didn’t want to be the object of her little Pygmalion fantasy. I was smart enough to know that things could never work out between us even if I hadn’t learned about her strange fixation on me these past few years.

“I’m fine.” I strove for a neutral tone. “What did you want to show me?”

“Come on.”

She grabbed my hand and led me to the door of the shelter.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Just wait.” She knocked on the door, ignoring the grumbling from the women in line, and a woman who I recognized as the executive director, a middle aged nun called Sister Mary Claire came to the door with a big smile.

“Ms. Fernandez! So nice to see you again. And Sadie, is it?” She turned her attention to me. “I recognize you from when you were a guest.”

I was sure someone told her my name since the ED didn’t usually work with the so-called guests. But I nodded and gave her a small smile. “Hi Sister.”

Sister Mary Claire gestured for us to come inside and my eyes widened as I took in the dramatic changes in the space since my last visit. The walls were freshly painted, the battered floors replaced with new tile, and the old metal folding chairs in the waiting area had been replaced with padded bench seating and little tables. A beautiful mural of the city covered one wall.

“Wow what happened here?” I asked.

Sister Mary Claire smiled. “We’ve done some major remodeling the last month.”

The main shelter space seemed larger, and I realized that they’d knocked out a wall to combine two areas. Instead of rows of old metal bunk beds there were now new cots, each with a locker at the edge of the bed, which was surrounded by thick privacy curtains on all sides.

“Now our guests can be sure that their belongings are safe,” the nun told us, demonstrating the combination lock on one of the lockers. “And with the privacy curtains people can relax more and get some better sleep while they’re here. The whole design is very trauma informed.”

“That’s great,” I said, knowing that the curtains would do a lot to filter out light and noise and give people at least the illusion of having their own space.

“Let me show you the rest.”

I followed Sister Mary Claire and Ariel as we saw the newly remodeled and now handicapped accessible bathrooms and showers, and the new ‘convenience area’ that held shining industrial sized coffee pots, shelves of snacks, and refrigerators filled with bottled water and other drinks.

“We just got the permits from the city for the addition to the building,” Sister Mary Claire said, pointing at the back wall. “We’ll add another shelter room and more restrooms over there. Once it’s completed, we will have doubled our capacity for guests.”

“This all looks great,” Ariel said approvingly. “You did a nice job here in a short amount of time. And I can’t wait to see the new addition.”

“It’s all thanks to you, Ms. Fernandez. We can’t thank you enough for your generous support.” Sister Mary Claire brought her hands together in front of her chest like she was praying and turned her eyes upwards. “You’re a gift from God, I’m sure of it.”

“You did all this?” I asked Ariel.

She nodded. Before I could say anything else, Sister Mary Claire said, “Oh wait, I haven’t shown you the best part.”

She led us outside to the side of the building and pointed up at the wall. I gasped as I read the new sign:Sadie’s Space, A Shelter for Women.

“Do you like it?” Ariel asked hopefully. “It’s all for you.”

Sister Mary Claire beamed. Meanwhile I could feel my blood pressure rising. Ariel tuned into my mood and her smile faded.

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