Page 29 of Carnal Desire

“We won’t keep you, Sister, I know you’re busy. Thank you for showing us around.”

The executive director took the dismissal in stride.

“On behalf of the board of directors let me just thank you again for making Sadie’s Space a reality. We’re eternally grateful for your support.”

Ariel shook her hand and gave a practiced smile. “Of course. If you need anything in the future, just reach out to my assistant, Theo.”

“We will. God bless you Ms. Fernandez. And best of luck to you, Sadie.”

I waited until the nun had gone back inside the building before I spoke.

“You remodeled a homeless shelter for me?” I asked disbelievingly.

It was both the sweetest and the craziest thing I’d ever heard.

“Yes Goldilocks, it’s all for you,” she said earnestly. “I knew that this was a safe haven for you when you were homeless and I wanted to make it even more so for all the women who came after you. When I saw the shelter’s operating budget, I knew I needed to help.”

She studied my face.

“Why do you seem mad?” she asked. “I did something good with my wealth, and I’m making a grand gesture.”

“A grand gesture?” I asked, my voice rising.

“Yes, to prove my love. You know there’s always a grand gesture in the movies.”

“This isn’t a movie,” I said in exasperation. “And it’s not proving your love Ariel, it’s totally performative. It’s you flashing your money around – again – and trying to buy your way into my affections. It doesn’t work that way!”

“How does it work then?” she asked, getting agitated. “I love you Sadie and I want to make a life with you, but you have to let me in. I can’t help it if I have more money than you and want to do nice things for you. And frankly, your… your prejudice and snobbery about money is insulting to me, especially when I use so much of my money to do good things in this world. I’m one of thegoodbillionaires, and more importantly, I’m a good person who loves you just the way you are. All I want in life is for you to love me back the same way.”

When I just stared at her, her expression fell. Maybe it was a trick of the light, but I could swear that her eyes got a little shiny like she was trying not to cry. It almost did me in.

“I said I would leave you alone if you came today and I always keep my word,” she said sadly. “Have a good life Sadie.”

Then she hurried over to her town car and drove away.

Ariel

Walking away from Sadie was like ripping off a limb. My entire body throbbed with pain and rejection. I thought for sure that she’d see the love in my grand gesture and appreciate that I’d made things nicer for the women who came to the shelter after her. I thought she’d appreciate that I was using my money to make things better for those who had less than me. But I was wrong.

I understood on some level that she had issues with rich people who were assholes. So did I. The sad fact was that most billionaires lived lavishly extravagant lives without a thought about people who were less fortunate. That’s why my friends and I had joined a group of socially minded billionaires and pledged to give away most of our money before we died, including donating a minimum of twenty-five percent of our earnings to charity every year.Sadie’s Spacewas in addition to my other giving. Something just for Sadie.

My phone beeped with a text. For a second I hoped it was Sadie, but it was just Theo. I was still a little bit mad at him for fucking things up with Sadie. My assistant had a big mouth, even though I knew he hadn’t meant any harm by what he’d said to Sadie. Then again, his teasing wouldn’t have mattered if I hadn’t kept things from her in the first place.

Theo:How did it go?

Ariel:My gesture was performative. Just another way I throw my money around.

Theo:Damn, that’s harsh. The shelter looks great. The place was a shithole before you got involved. It’s amazing what you can do with a million bucks.

Ariel:Yeah. I’m heading home for the night to eat my feelings.

Theo:Okay boss, keep your chin up. Let me know if you need anything.

I powered off my phone and headed home, feeling a strong urge to cry. I guess I wasn’t surprised when I found Maeve and Grace sitting on my couch when I got back to the condo. No doubt Theo had blabbed to them as soon as he found out that Sadie had rejected me. Again.

“We brought alcohol, chips, and chocolate,” Maeve announced as soon as I entered the room, confirming my suspicions.

“No ice cream?”

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