“That’s what I’ve always thought.” Phil leaned back, legs sprawling out as he sank lower in the seat. There was a tiredness to his body language that lay deeper than physical exertion, as if gravity had a heavier pull on him, crushing him down. “Thank you for this, by the way.” He lifted up the cup in Ian’s direction. “It’s good. Takes some getting used to, but…” He brought the cup to his lips and gulped down the rest of his coffee, humming in satisfaction.
Ian let out a noncommittal grunt. Normally, he’d have had a clever quip ready on the tip of his tongue, but his wits were failing him. It didn’t help that Sandra kept making faces at him from behind the counter and mouthing things like‘He’s cute!’or‘Where did you find him?’. Thankfully, Phil was facing the other way.
Sandra had elected herself as Ian’s honorary mum after finding out his mother Sheilagh had died when he was a teenager and had been acting accordingly ever since, but after Ian’s latest breakup she’d become apprehensive, constantly reprimanding him for being too cranky and closed off, and while Ian was grateful for her concern, he also kind of missed the luxury of being a stranger who could mope around without being questioned.
He studied Phil while the man was busy checking out a book he’d found on the ground and marked down all those minor details he’d missed: thin lips with a scar right in the middle of the Cupid’s bow; a touch of green in the brown of the irises; pierced earlobes, almost closed off; a pink bracelet peeking out of a cuff of his hoodie. A deep line ran between his knitted brows while he read random pages, and when he licked his lips and shut the book closed, Ian was almost startled.
“I should probably go,” said Phil, setting the book down. He pushed up to his feet, not without a mild whimper that snatched a half grin from them both. “Shut up, man.”
Ian held his palms up. “Didn’t say a word.” Then he stood up to shake the hand Phil was offering him. Their gazes met and they stilled mid-shake in an odd glitch that had no explanation. Phil’s eyes bore into Ian’s with a glint that hadn’t been there before and a corner of his mouth quirked up. Ian mirrored his expression. “Until we run into each other again.”
The curve of Phil’s lips turned into a full smirk that transformed his face completely, leaving Ian staring for way longer than necessary.
Handsome indeed.
“I’ll see you around, old man.” Ian let go of Phil’s hand and stood back.
Phil nodded, his smirk still in place. “See ya, kid.” He waved at Sandra and complimented her for the coffee before pulling his hood up and stepping out into the rain.
Without him, the air in the café seemed more breathable.
Sandy’s gaze immediately zeroed in on Ian, but he cut her off before she could utter a single sound.
“Whatever you’re about to say, it’s a no.”
“But he looks so nice!”
“Aye, bet his fiancée agrees.”
“Oh.”
That was enough to shut Sandra up for that day and the next few days.
Ian went out to run at the same time on Sunday, then again at sunrise every day for the whole week, and never crossed paths with Phil and his haunting eyes again.
All good.
chapter 3
PHIL
The small of his back and his knees ached when he got out of the shower. He did his best to stretch it out, with scarce results. His joints just weren’t used to that kind of exertion any more — or any exertion at all, for that matter.
Through the fogged mirror he could see the faint beginnings of a bruise surfacing in his left buttock. The spot felt hot and tender and slightly swollen. He should have applied some ice to it, but he was too tired to bother. All he wanted was some cold grapefruit juice and his couch, but since the former was off-limits, he had to settle for orange. As he limply leaned back into the cushions with the carton of juice, though, a strange epiphany hit him: he wasphysicallytired, but his mind was uncharacteristically quiet.Clean.
His head fell back, eyes closing to relish the foreign sensation. It was like catching a whiff of fresh air after being buried alive for months. He felt better than he had in a long, long time. This was definitely worth mentioning in his next session with Doctor Raji.Maybe notallof it. Some details could be skipped, like the fact that he’d almost thrown fists with a stranger for something relatively stupid. Doctor Raji would accuse him of self-sabotaging yet another chance to get out of his shell, and she would be absolutely right, so he wasn’t going to mention the annoying behemoth in their next session.
He chugged down half of the juice while scrolling on Instagram, watching his friends and family carrying on with their lives through a profusion of meaningless posts of beaches, drinks, dog walks… He didn’t like any of them. He didn’tlikethem. He envied them. Envied a time when he could take pleasure in those trivial everyday things that now felt like a chore. He’d kill to be able to go out for dinner and see it as a treat. As of now, the mere idea of doing any of the activities he saw in those posts sounded like athreat.
He’d gone his jog, though. Good enough.‘Baby steps,’Abby always told him,‘you don’t need to climb mountains overnight.’
A glimpse of muscles swelling under damp black fabric flashed beneath his eyelids.
Phil’s eyes burst open as he almost choked on his own saliva. He set the juice down, coughing so hard tears welled up in his eyes while desperately trying to catch his breath. As soon as he managed to regain his composure, a sudden urge to do something —anything— took over him. There was a cabinet in the small bathroom upstairs whose doors had been assembled upside-down: it’d been driving him crazy since they’d moved in, but he’d never found the willpower to fix it. But that moment sounded like the perfect moment to finally tackle it.
He’d just finished adjusting the hinges when Abby walked in, hair frizzy from the humidity.
“Hey!” Her smile faltered when she saw the screwdriver in Phil’s hand, but then her attention moved to the cabinet and the smile expanded again, ten times wider. “You fixed it!” She was making it sound like he’d extinguished world hunger.