Page 62 of Someone Like You

“What’re you doin’ out here in the cold?”

Phil flickered a thumb at the remnants of the cigarette. “Having a smoke break.”

“You don’t smoke.”

“Someone does.” A listless shrug. “It was too noisy inside, I needed a breather. Why all dressed up?”

“I’m comin’ from a funeral.”

“Oh. Is it common practice to wear kilts at funerals here?”

“Not really. Rory was… eccentric.”

“Were you close?”

“Old family friend.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Ian moved at Phil’s side to lean back against the wall with him. “His heart was a tickin’ time bomb.” It could’ve happened any moment in the last decade, so every day after the diagnosis had felt like a gift to Rory. “Passed away peacefully in his sleep like he’d always wanted. That’s about it.” Ian glanced up at the thick grey cloud smothering the sky and another sigh escaped him. “We’re not here to talk about that.”

Phil tutted. “Thought as much.”

Social skills weren’t among Ian’s talents, even less so when they involved the discussion of intricate human feelings. He was in no place to hand out advice, but when Abigail had said‘I’m worried’he’d felt her apprehension through the text and he’d seen too much of himself in it.

“Abigail’s scared you’re having a relapse.”

The whistle of the wind covered a scoff. Phil had the look of a Golden Retriever who’d broken a vase and knew there would be unpleasant consequences.

“I know. I can barely look at her these days.” He passed the back of his hand under his nose, sniffing sharply. “She should be used to this. Some days I’m a ray of fucking sunshine, some days I’m a jerk…. It’s just how it is.”

A subtle curl lifted a corner of Ian’s mouth as he eyed the pink bracelet peering out of the sleeve on Phil’s wrist. “Ray of fuckin’ sunshine indeed.”

“Still better than being the human embodiment of misery, right?”

“She says you’re not talking to her.”

“No shit.”

“Phil…”

“Don’tPhilme!” The bout of rage distorted Phil’s charming features into an unrecognisable mask as he pushed off the wall to stab a finger into Ian’s chest, again and again. “You have no idea what it’s like, okay? You’ve only got yourself to answer to, you don’t have to go home every day to the woman youloveand pretend you’re not thinking of somebody else! You can stick your preaching up your ass!”

Every word cut deeper into Ian, each blow adding weight to the guilt oppressing his conscience.

“This is all my fault.”

“Yourfault.” Phil snorted bitterly. “You slap a bandaid on a bleeding man’s wound and call it yourfaultwhen the bleeding stops… Okay.”

“Someone’s feeling dramatic.”

“I’m tired, Ian. So fucking tired…” Phil scrubbed a hand down his face, looking every bit as worn out as he claimed to be. “I’m stuck in this goddamn situation and can’t evenbreathewithout hurting someone. If I lie to protect Abby, you say I’m concerning her. If I wanna tell her how I feel about you, you say I’m ruiningeverything… Tell me one thing —one fucking thing— that Icando without screwing it up for everyone!”

Ian took a deep breath. He had the solution, one he knew Phil wouldn’t like, because he didn’t like it either, but there was no other viable option. Time would make up for it.

“We should stop seeing each other.”

All colour drained out of Phil’s face, replaced by a visceral terror. “What?”

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