Page 60 of Exes Don't

And theAlways, Antonsign-off?What am I supposed to make of that? Always, what? My mind spins with possibilities I don’t dare let myself dream of.

Always mine.

Always there.

Always has been and always will be.

Always and forever.

I blink through tears that have pooled in the corners of my eyes and catch sight of something in the corner of the box. It’s a brown paper bag with the top curled in on itself. I lift it gingerly and inhale a sharp breath at the scent of what I can already tell is inside, my mind flashing back to a Mobile bar and the beat of country music pumping through my heart.

“Are those peanuts?” Poppy is facing me again, looking like she’s dying to ask a million other questions but, instead, has narrowed it down to one, practical inquiry. I’m not naïve enough to think she’s going to let me off the hook without explaining myself here, but again, I’m grateful for her discretion right now. I’m a fragile little birdy, and I’m about an inch away from falling out of the nest and crashing onto the sidewalk below. She gets it, and she’s not making any sudden movements. A surge of affection for my sister wells up in my chest, along with a renewed pang ofguilt for all the ways I’ve lied to her over the years when all she’s done is take care of me and be there for me.

“Yeah.” I clear out the wad of emotion in the back of my throat. “Yeah, they are.”

Inside the bag, along with peanuts, still in the shell, there’s another note. I pull it out and read it to myself.

A snack for the game. Peanuts will never not make me think of you. Hope that’s not weird! ~A

I clutch the bag to my chest. If I’m being honest, the peanuts mean even more to me than the fancy new coat. I love them both for different reasons. His thoughtfulness is so disarming. It makes all the little hairs on my skin spring to life.

I need to shut my feelings down. I should be working on securing the walls around my heart. Battening down the hatches. Diving into the storm cellar. The man has obviously fixed his attention on winning me back. I’ll be putty in his hands if I’m not careful. I can’t let that happen. It’s not fair to him—even if it’s all I want.

Poppy huffs from the other side of the kitchen. “Okay. What gives?”

I try my best to put on an innocent expression, but she narrows her gaze at me.

“There’s something going on, Rose. Noli sensed it in California, and I know she’s right, judging solely by the fact that you’ve been speechless for the past five minutes. No snark. No quick commentary on any of this.” She swirls her hand in the direction of my package. “Are you and Anton involved?”

Loaded question.

I need to be careful here. I absolutely cannot give Poppy the wrong idea. But the closer I can stick to the truth, the better. “We dated in Mobile. Briefly.”

Poppy shrieks. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was nothing. A fling.”

Lies. Lies. Lies.

“Not to him. Clearly. He’s sending you gifts. What’s the deal with the peanuts? I’m guessing there’s a story there.”

“We, uh…had peanuts the first night we met.” Apparently, my ability to fabricate stories is lacking this morning. I allow myself this one moment of honesty with my big sister, and then I swear to myself I’m locking this down.

“Oh my goshhhh, Rose.” Poppy grabs my wrist and squeezes. “He still has feelings for you.”

I wince. “I don’t know, Pops.”

“Well, I do.” Poppy huffs. “I want to meet him. I’ll be able to give a more thorough assessment of the situation when I get an in-person feel for him.”

I shake my head. “Can you not make a big deal out of this?”

She bites her lip, studying me. “Why? Because it’s not actually a big deal, or because it is, but you don’t know how to handle it?”

I drop my face into my palms. “The latter.”

She starts rubbing my back, staying quiet and waiting for me to continue.

“I just…” I look up at her. “I am not the woman for Anton, whether I want to be or not. It didn’t work out back then. It’s not going to work now. It’s better for both of us if we don’t delude ourselves into thinking we’re meant to be.”

---