Page 1 of What I Should Have Felt

Chapter 1

FORD

Everything and nothing was the same.

Fifteen years wasn’t an insignificant amount of time to be away, I knew that, but I’d thought more would’ve changed. The trees were only maybe a smidge taller, denser. But the groan of bark, the ripple of the swamp behind the house all sounded the same. In front of me, the door to my childhood home was exactly how I remembered it.

With white paint peeling from the corners and the brass knob dull and smudged, I stared at the final obstacle in my path. Fear hadn’t driven me to leave, but it certainly had kept me away. Fear for what they would think if I ever returned. Fear for how betrayed my mother must have felt, and likely still felt. Fear.

An emotion I’d become so intimately in tune with recently.

But when Mawmaw called… I knew it was time.

Shrugging my rucksack tighter up my shoulder, I couldn’t find the strength to take a step forward. The wooden planks beneath my feetseemed to be coated in glue. I wasn’t sure whether to knock or just go on inside, but the silence outside of the breeze was deafening.

The bellow of an alligator sent a shiver down my spine. Such a familiar sound I’d long since forgotten, reminding me of just how much time had passed since I’d slept with the bayou beneath my window.

“You lookin’ for the Thibodeauxs?” An oddly familiar voice with a thick Cajun accent pierced my stupor.

Glancing to my right, I gave the neighbor approaching me a small smile. I knew her. She’d been my babysitter. Thinning gray hair had replaced the once stark, black strands. Her skin had become weathered, but the kindness in her eyes had yet to fade.

“Yes, ma’am,” I replied politely, keeping the accent in my words absent. She clearly didn’t recognize me.

“Oh, you missed them. They’ve all gone to town to prep the restaurant for tomorrow’s music festival.” Her smile widened as her flip-flops slapped against the porch steps.

“Thanks, I guess I’ll come back later.” I nodded and hoisted my duffel bag up off the ground.

She tipped her head and narrowed her eyes. “I feel like I’ve seen you before.” The Cajun accent in her voice lessened with each sentence. Remaining silent, my heart trilled in my chest. Maybe she did recognize me…

Slowly, her shoulders rose and she exhaled loudly. “Just can’t be too careful these days with the sneaky realtor man sending his cronies around here.”

My stomach dropped to my feet. “How often are they sneaking around?” I asked, once again feeling that dreadful worry creeping up my throat, and accidentally let the vowels on my words shift with an accent.

Her downturned eyes narrowed as she furrowed her brows. “I know all the people in these parts, but not you. Yet, you ask as if you have some connection…”

Glancing over her shoulder, I tipped my head to the sky. Midday sun beat down upon my skin, and the humid air of the bayou coated my tongue. “Shoulda brought a bottle of liquor to share with a neighbor, wouldn’t ya say, Mrs. Dupre,” I replied, loosing the hold on my tongue.

I brought my gaze back to her as she placed a hand over her mouth and her eyes widened. “It can’t be,” she whispered. “Ford?”

With a brief, curt nod, I dropped my duffel to the ground as she launched herself and wrapped her arms around me. “It’s been too long. Too long, ya feel me?” she continued, tucking her face against my chest.

“You sold?”

“Absolutely not. Well, not the house at least,” she muttered, twisting my shirt in her fingers before releasing the hug.

“But the business?” I questioned, and her brows tightened with grief.

“Couldn’t afford not to. They came in with money that priced us out, ya know?” Mrs. Dupre wrapped her arms around her body, her yellow tank top bright against her dark skin. “It’s just your family and the LeBlancs holdin’ out. Stubborn fools.”

“You mean everyone?” I furrowed my brows, and she slowly nodded.

“The money was unlike any of us have ever seen. You’re the only one who’s ever made it out, and you know that. Nobody can leave, even if they wanna. Even Colette, ya feel me?”

The blood in my veins stilled. “She’s still here?”

Mrs. Dupre chuckled and blew out some air. “You think the LeBlancs could manage without her? Son, you and I both know what she means to their family.”

I nodded and ran my fingertips across the palms of my hands. Knowing that didn’t lessen the guilt that swam warm within my stomach. Twisted between excitement that she was here, yet sick knowing she wasstillhere.

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