Page 43 of What I Should Have Felt

Spinning on my heel, I sprinted toward the people who were waiting for me. My mother had her hands clamped over Azelie’s eyes, the sheer fright plastered on her face visible from here. They would all need therapy. Even Azelie.

My lungs burned, and the taste of iron tingled on my tongue as I finally caught up with them.

I would need therapy.

If that was really Ford…

The world blurred as we ran in a group toward the cabin hidden in the forest. The one place that O’Connor didn’t know about. One place he couldn’t send his cronies to. How many would he even have left to send after Ford had finished with them?

My brows loosened upon my face as it hit me. Ford was back. I was safe. He was protecting me. I could finally relax. I was no longer alone. Everything I once felt for him came rushing back in. The guilt left. The frustration and rage over him leaving me left. What I should have felt all along came trickling in like a gentle bubbling brook.

An ill-timed smile crept upon my lips. He’d known I’d be pissed if he tried to take care of me. At least at first, when he returned. That was why he was pretending to be the Rougarou. That witty, intelligent man still found a way to take care of me even when I was too hard-headed to see I needed it.

And it all suddenly made sense. The fights that just…somehow disappeared and ended overnight while growing up. That was him. It had to have been.

All this time… He’d never stopped.

What an asshole I’d been.

I paused and braced against a tree trunk as my family continued to jog ahead of me. The world was quiet. My head was quiet. For the first time in years, since Liam passed, I felt a surge of overwhelming…gentleness. I could be tender again. I could be the woman Ford had always made me feel like.

I could—No,wecould start over. Starting something new, having these feelings of desire for Ford was okay. Liam would want me to be happy. I deserved to be happy.

My family slowed their pace to a walk, and Azelie glanced over her shoulder. I gave her a reassuring smile. My secret was still a hurdle to jump. Admitting to Ford that I was wrong, that I wassorry, was something I would need to do. All I could do right now was hope that he’d forgive me and give us a chance.

There was always the possibility that he wouldn’t want me once he found out I’d kept Azelie from him. There was always a possibility that he would lose all feelings for me. And there was, of course, still the issue of my parents. And O’Connor.

I groaned to myself and pursed my lips. Why? Had he and I not been through enough already?

He was worth it. Plus, there was something about him wearing that mask… Fighting those bad dudes… My stomach swirled warm as images of him bathed in shadows and moonlight danced through my mind.

Wait. No. He’d killed somebody. Several somebodies. Somebodies who came after me and my family. Somebodies who came after Azelie. A somebody who tried to… All right, yes. I was allowed to find his controlled, protective rage fucking attractive. Because while I knew I could fight, nothavingto was a nice change.

Because I finally wasn’t the one who had to carry all of that burden. I pulled my bottom lip into my mouth and grinned as I realized I was going to keep another secret to myself. The fact that I knew he was pretending to be the Rougarou.

Time to entice him into something that had me weak at my knees. Giddy. Excited. And yes, aroused. Those were the top three things I was feeling right now.

Oh, fuck. I needed to see someone about this.

And then it hit me. Hold on. Since when did Ford know how to fight like that? That wasn’t just backyard, teenage fights where you grabbedhair and looked like fucking idiots. No, that was…controlled. Calculated. Purposeful and deliberate.

“Damn it,” I muttered to myself and exhaled.

“What was that?” my mom shouted.

I shot off the tree. Shit, I’d totally forgotten about them. “Uh, nothing!” I replied and jogged the distance between us.

“Well,” my dad said once I’d joined them. The silhouette of the cabin sat in the distance behind my parents as Azelie pushed off my mom and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Where are we going to stay?”

My mom closed her eyes. “We can’t go back home. They—They—” Her voice broke as a tear slid down her cheek, and my dad pulled her into his body.

We couldn’t stay at the cabin. There was no place to sleep. Nothing but a kitchen and living room. I chewed on the inside of my cheek as a fleeting thought danced through my mind that I just knew they would hate.

Azelie tapped my arm, and I glanced down at her. Her eyes darted to my parents, who were consoling each other. She looked back at me and raised her brows. “What about Ford?” she whispered.

“What?” I hissed through my teeth.

She pulled her shoulders up to her ears. “I’m just saying. You trusted him to come pick me up, and you have to admit, he’s pretty intimidating looking. His family is going through the same thing we are, and if they haven’t been hit yet, they’re next. Unless…”

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