Page 76 of What I Should Have Felt

Suddenly, he inhaled sharply and snapped his eyes to Azelie. “I didn’t want to go with Becca. She asked, and it caught me off guard ’cause I was planning to ask you, and I wasn’t thinking clearly, so I didn’t say no.But my parents said I had to go with the first person who asked me, except I didn’t want to. The moment that Becca and I got to the dance, I ditched her with Macy and Thomas, but I accidentally left my phone in her car. Which is where it still is, or I would’ve texted you. I asked Macy and Thomas not to say anything so I could apologize to you in person because you deserve that because I like you.”

Colette covered her mouth with her hand to hide the smile forming on her face as I nodded to myself. There was the Cory who stood up for Azelie and Macy at the track when I first met him. Bold and proud. Even Mark grinned as he crossed his arms, remaining in the distance.

The warning that the race would be starting and all runners needed to line up was Cory’s answer as Azelie simply stared at him. With a smile that was almost too girlish and grown for her. Shit. I was gonna have to keep an eye on this boy.

“You like me?” she whispered as the crowd shoved forward toward the starting line.

He nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. But yeah, I have for a while.” His cheeks turned slightly pink as Griffin clapped me on the back and leaned forward.

“Glad I don’t have to deal with that shit for another few years. Good luck, buddy,” he muttered in my ear.

I pursed my lips as Azelie grinned, and it was as if she forgot that I existed. She giggled and skipped ahead into the forming line-up with Cory and her two friends.

“Well, so much for a heartfelt run together with mydaughter,” I grumbled.

A gentle hand rested on my arm, and I glanced at piercing green eyes that melted me on the spot.

“Is that her?” Bernie gasped beside me with a wiggle of his brows. “I knew you had a thing for redheads. Makes so much sense.”

“Careful. She might stab you like she did me, and this time, the blade is longer than two inches,” I quipped back.

Bernie blinked rapidly as Mikey burst out laughing behind me. “She stabbed you? When did she stab you?”

“When he decided to sneak up on me after disappearing for fifteen fucking years,” Colette replied.

“Oh, I like her already. She reminds me of you,” Mikey said with a grin as he wiggled his eyebrows at Scottie.

She shook her head. “I should let her stab you, too. Just for good measure,” she teased with a smile as the signal to start the race rang loud over the crowd.

And we were off on a 5k run with my team, my girl, and somewhere around here, my daughter.

Loving chatter filled the emptiness around me as I did up the last button on my shirt. Conversation that involved every person I held near and dear to my heart. I imagined Scottie leaning back against Mikey on the couch,as Bernie’s loud cackle was joined by Kat’s gentle smile and a loving roll of her eyes. She and Jane had met us at the finish line, surprising both Bernie and Griffin. Jane explained that their kids were with her mom, and they could use this time as a spontaneous little weekend getaway.

Here they were, my team with my parents and Mawmaw, Colette, my daughter, and yes, even Colette’s parents, all squished into the tiny front room of my house. The scent of the crawfish boil started in the back wafted in through the open bedroom window as I grabbed the tie from the top of the dresser.

But it wasn’t calmness or safety that filled my heart. Dread sat at the tip of my tongue, hanging on like a bait to a hook. I wanted to bite it back, swallow it, ignore it, and just enjoy this moment as was intended, but I knew too much to be able to truly let it go. Knowledge was a blessing and a curse, though right now, the good part of it seemed a faint light at the end of a long tunnel I was barreling down.

A knock rapped against the wooden frame of the bedroom door.

“Yeah, come in,” I grunted as I slung the tie around my neck. The hinges creaked as the door opened, and I glanced up from the emerald green fabric. A masquerade of relief settled on my shoulders as Colette quietly entered and closed the door behind her.

The edges of her eyes crinkled as her lips lifted into a bright smile. “I dreamed of a day like this, you know,” she whispered and stopped in front of me.

“I’m just sorry it took so damn long,” I replied as she lifted her hands and slid them down either side of the tie. Her eyes studied the fabric andslowly began knotting the two ends together as if she’d practiced for this very moment.

“Hmmm,” she mumbled, her attention stolen by the slick tie.

Disbelief slid into every darkened corner of my mind. She had no idea what I’d done with my life. She had no idea how much destruction and death I’d brought, yet here she was, unafraid of me.

“I didn’t purposefully not tell you about my career,” I blurted out as she tightened the tie and pushed it up against my throat.

Her lips lifted into a smile as her hand slid gently down my chest, smoothing out the finishing touch to my suit. “I know. The moment Bernie said that you guys were special ops dudes, SEALs to be exact, I understood.”

My brows furrowed as her gaze finally met mine. “You did?”

She giggled quietly and dropped her hands. “You are not the type to brag about anything. Your job never really came up, and watching how adorably awkward, though successful, your arrival was, it made sense.”

“Awkward?” I groaned and tipped my head back.

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