Page 78 of What I Should Have Felt

“AZELIE!” Macy’s high-pitched squeal immediately interrupted whatever new song the DJ was playing. She dashed away from her dad, who shook his head but gave me a polite nod. I ignored the eyes that stared, long after Macy and Azelie hugged. I knew what they were talking about, as it had been the gossip during the entire race—my relationship with Azelie,which obviously meant that Colette and I had slept together. Years ago. During high school. The parents seemed worse than the kids, who simply accepted the news and hadn’t said much after.

“Hi, Mr. Thibodeaux,” Macy said as she kept her arm around Azelie’s shoulders.

I shuddered. “Yeah, just Ford. That sounds weird. And old.”

“But you are old,” she stated with an innocent blink.

My mouth fell open as her dad laughed. “Still, just Ford is fine. Where’s Thomas?” I replied, changing the subject quickly.

She pointed to the middle of the dance floor where Thomas waited beside Cory. They waved as soon as they clearly noticed Macy was pointing.

“Please?” Azelie asked with wide eyes.

“Go on. I’ve got you. But again, Cory better—”

“Stooooop,” she groaned, grabbed Macy’s hand, and ran off.

Macy’s dad walked up beside me, and we watched as the four of them got lost in the music. He clapped a hand on my shoulder, pulling my attention briefly away from the kids. “You are the talk of the town,” he said. “It’s finally nice to meet you. I’m Jason.”

“Ford,” I replied with a curt shake of his hand.

“Everyone always assumed Colette’s late husband was the dad, but um, clearly things were misinterpreted,” he continued.

“I didn’t know until a few weeks ago myself,” I said.

I glanced back at my daughter, who now slow-danced a little too close to Cory. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I watched as she giggled and blushed at something he said.

“You’ve clearly stepped into the role of dad very nicely, or she wouldn’t have been embarrassed about you setting rules concerning a certain boy,” Jason continued.

“I was fifteen once. I’m not too concerned about Azelie,” I replied.

Jason chuckled. “Same with Thomas and Macy. I’m happy and know it’s inevitable, but just like you, I was once a teenage boy with certain…tendencies.” He turned and looked directly at me. “Also, I wanted to say how sorry I am about what’s been going on with your family’s restaurant and this O’Connor fellow. He’s really got it out for you and the LeBlancs it seems.”

I knotted my jaw, the temporary feeling of ignorance to the world dashed by a couple sentences. All I managed was a nod in reply. The fire that raged in my belly, reminding me of the fast-approaching return of O’Connor, roared hot with blue flames, and I immediately scanned the room. Every exit, every person acting a fool and dancing wildly noted with areas that left wide-open targets blazed in my head. Situational awareness, my training, kicked back in, unintentionally turning me from a carefree dad on a date with his daughter, to the man I’d been conditioned to be all these years.

This man I was more comfortable with. This version of me fell into my lap much quicker and easier than the unworried version I’d been impersonating a moment ago. I knew then that this “me” had never technically left, and I’d been existing in some charade, just biding my time until this man was needed again.

This version would never go completely dormant, considering the fact that I had never figured out how to separate the constant search for dangerfrom the understanding that I was home. I had accepted that years ago, but now, it seemed I had at least a few minutes in time where the charade of being nonchalant seemed less fake.

I’d soak those memories in and hold tightly to them for the rest of my life.

Like this one.

Watching my daughter spin in a circle, with the beautiful glow of her green dress highlighting the gentle curve of her smile.

And like last night, where the woman I’d longed for, spent years thinking of and dreaming of, had finally been mine once more. The reckless, scared boy I’d once been had unintentionally built something beautiful. I’d been gifted a family with the only woman I’d ever loved, and she had accepted me in return.

I couldn’t screw this up. Not again. There was no second chance that I would be offered. There was no failure allowed. Even when that final bell rang, recalling this blissful moment back and sending our worlds into a tailspin once more, I would not fail.

“Come dance with me!” Azelie’s voice shattered my thoughts, and I blinked myself back to the present. Some old, early 2000s tune I remembered from my own high school time bumped loudly on the speakers. She grabbed my hand as Macy snatched her own father’s and dragged me toward the center of the dance floor.

I wasn’t one who really got the thrill of dancing, but as she threw herself into the music and let herself become carefree, I accepted my plight. I knew I looked strange and awkward, like some big, uncoordinated oaf, but Azelie merely grinned and laughed and dancedeven wilder.

Several songs later, a few trips to the hallway for some fresh air, and more dancing, sweat coated my forehead and brow. I’d even managed to not step on Azelie’s toes during a couple sweet, father/daughter slower songs.

She had twirled off with Cory for a moment, and as I weaved to the edge of the dancing crowd once more, someone suddenly threw themselves against my waist. I stiffened as the embrace tightened until I glanced down and found a head of red curls. Azelie was simply hugging me.

I stared at my daughter, unable to move. Such a simple, beautiful gesture that she wasn’t mad at me, and we were finding some sort of rhythm as a new parent and child.

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