Page 83 of What I Should Have Felt

He stumbled to the ground as the wood above me groaned. Splinters cracked, and dust rained to the floor as the hook shifted with a metallic screech. I grinned through the sweat and blood from my cheek that had tracked into the corner of my mouth. One final push with adrenaline, I surged to my feet. Every fiber in my body screamed at me as my spine bowed to the pressure, but I closed my eyes, hooked a leg on top of the slack in the chains, and with a savage grunt slammed down against the slack.

Tension dissipated from the chain as the hook wrenched free from the rotted beam. Links splattered against the ground around me with a hiss as cinder blocks crashed to the ground. The warehouse walls rattled with a boom. Boxes and crates tumbled from the force, and dirt exploded like a plume from a grenade.

“Woah,” Azelie gasped from the laptop, barely audible through the ruckus.

With the chain caught between my shin and the ground, I braced against the thigh of my supporting leg and pried the loop around my wrist apart. He should’ve used actual cuffs. I glanced over my shoulder just as the faces of Mikey and Scottie appeared on the sides of the laptop screen. Colette smiled and waved as Scottie helped Azelie to her feet.

“All good here,” Mikey stated with a wink, and the shaking laptop clattered to the floor.

My attention immediately returned to the groaning frame of a disheveled man pushing himself out of the dust. Ignoring the trembling in my legs and the roaring burn in my muscles, I stood upright and watched the writhing figure push himself to his knees.

“What—” O’Connor coughed and rocked back on his heels. Dust coated his suit, and his gelled hair stood up in random places as a thick layer of dirt and grime covered his face. “What do you mean you knew?”

I stalked forward and shook out the tingling numbness from my hands, itching for him to attempt something. Anything. “I mean, I clocked your real plans weeks ago. I made the connection of Maria to you a while ago. Plus, I found one friend in the sheriff’s department who tipped me off about the state police’s arrival being tomorrow, too. Our plan was set in motion before I left for the dance. You should’ve checked me for a comm when I was passed out.” I tapped my right ear and winked with a tip of my head. “Technically, you also never actually kidnapped Colette or Azelie. My team got there first.”

O’Connor stopped attempting to brush the dust from his thighs. “First? First when?”

“Every fucking time. Do you not realize how easily I could’ve fought off the men you sent to the school? By myself? How easily I could’ve escaped with Azelie? Iletthose three men corner me. I knew the door hadn’t shut behind Azelie at the school and let the doctor drug me. Iletthem take me to you. The moment some of your other men showed up to kidnap Colette from the house, and my parents from the restaurant, yeah, my team knew that was going to happen. You’re not the smartest target we’ve dealt with. Azelie ran outside of the high school, straight into Scottie who was waiting for her with Jane, Kat,andColette because they got her away to safety. Because Iknew.” I leaned forward directly in front of his face and glared at him.

Tapping the comm in my ear, I grinned. “My team recorded everything you said, and yes, not just audio, but visuals too, because Mikey turned on the camera in this laptop you put in here. We knew about this warehouse. Out front waiting for us are my parents and my mawmaw, and unfortunately, Colette’s parents, too, yes. My team got there first. Dom. Griffin. Bernie. They’re all waiting out there where you’ll be joining the rest of your bound and properly shackled men. I played a role to get you to confess. Azelie played a role. We all did.”

He swallowed shakily and leaned away. “You—You—”

I bent down and got directly in his face. “You should’ve never tried to fuck with my family,” I snarled.

“You’re not overseas! You’ll be charged—arrested—you’ll—” he stammered andbackpedaled away from me.

“For what? I was kidnapped and tortured by you. You confessed to burning my parents’ restaurant down, and to your plans to murder Colette and Azelie. I never even touched you. All the state police will find is their target, AKA you, zip tied and gagged with all the evidence of what you did and your remaining cronies waiting for them.” I stood up straight, towering over him as my shadow fell upon his body. “I know I’m not overseas, O’Connor. But you tried to touch the woman I love, who yes, will eventually be my wife. And you don’t touch my wife.”

Adrenaline pumped hot through my veins as the world shifted to a shade of red around me. “You should begladwe’re not overseas. There wouldn’t be a body left if we had been. Luckily, you’ll just spend the rest of your life in prison, because if I ever catch wind that you’re on this side of bars again, if you ever even attempt to pin any of this on me, you can guarantee I’ll become the monster you only think I am.”

He squeaked and scrambled backwards again.

Another psychotic chuckle bubbled in my throat. “I may not have a lot of money, O’Connor, but I’m way more fucking powerful than you could ever imagine to be, and I’m a hell of a lot richer. Money can’t buy the kind of rich I am.” I kicked some dust his way, and he coughed. “Next time, I won’t be so fucking nice. Now, stand your ass up and let’s go outside. Don’t even bother trying to run or escape or do something like that, it won’t do you any good.”

O’Connor studied me for half a second as the swaying yellow glow flashed back and forth across his face. And for a moment, I saw her. Maria had the same intensity in her gaze, though her eyes were a deep brownwhile his were blue. O’Connor pushed himself cautiously to his feet, and I stepped back to give him room to rise.

“I’ve never forgotten her, you know,” I muttered as he attempted to brush dust from his suit pants. “You’re the first person who’s spoken her name to me in years, but I never forgot her.”

O’Connor’s gaze softened, and for a moment I believed I saw a smidge of regret and guilt flash across his eyes.

“Even when I made the connection and shared the news with my team, somehow none of them ever needed to say her name during recon and mission prep,” I continued, and O’Connor’s bottom jaw trembled. “I still carry the picture of us from that tour when I head out on a mission. It makes me feel like she’s there, and somehow, I don’t worry about getting killed. If Santiago is with me, nobody can touch me. I put in for the interservice transfer from the Marine Corp to the Navy to pursue being a SEAL so what happened to us, and the rest of the men that had been out with us and didn’t make it home, wouldn’t happen again. I know the only reason I wasn’t blown apart like everyone else when that fucking IED went off near us and should’ve killed both of us, was because she managed to shove us out of the way in the nick of time.”

His brows furrowed, and he scanned me up and down. “She managed to move you?”

I chuckled and ran the back of my hand across the dried blood on my cheek. “I was quite a bit skinnier back then.”

O’Connor’s shoulders slumped. “That’s why it took me a minute to recognize you in person, even though I was waiting for you. You don’t look like the picture Maria had.” He took a cautiousstep toward me as a tear streaked down his cheek and left a stain in the dirt. “Did you… Did you love her?”

Scanning the wreckage, my heart stilled in my chest. “Yes,” I stated and watched as the man in front of me crumpled beneath his grief. “Not in the way I love Colette, but yes. I did love her. She became the sister I never had.”

Sobs wracked O’Connor’s chest as he bent forward and placed a hand on his chest. Despite all of the pain and damage he’d had delivered to me, he’d also brought me home. He’d reconnected me with Colette and introduced me to my own daughter. Bridges I’d thought were fully burned had been rebuilt, and my family I’d made had met the family I’d been raised with.

He’d lost everything. Misguided anger and hate had driven him to become the shell of a man that Maria had once talked about.

“The moment I graduated from BUD/S, I went to the cemetery. My biggest regret is that I’ll never be able to go back and change that day. That I’ll never be able to introduce her to the people I love. To my family. I’ll never be able to rewind time and be able to answer that phone call. I would’ve without hesitation,” I finished.

He lifted his head. Eyes swollen and puffy, with stains down both cheeks, he slowly nodded. “Please don’t ever forget her,” he whispered and stood upright. With a brush down a sleeve, he walked past me toward the only door.

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